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-   -   Dear Users… (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people) Part 10 (http://www.internationalskeptics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=352419)

JoeMorgue 30th September 2021 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey (Post 13613034)
My theory is that the people who fuss the most about such things are the ones who do the least amount of actual work. There's a lady on my team who (in the olden days when we were still in the office) spent at least 80% of her working hours fussing about her benefits, her online learning courses, her chair, her cubicle, her supplies, her computer...everything except the actual tasks she was being paid to do. She occupied herself with the accoutrements of work, rather than the actual work.

Yeah I've got users like that. Them just setting down at their desk and logging in in the morning is this whole goddamn Japanese Tea Ceremony.

The giggling coyish "Oh it's my OCD, tee hee hee" thing is something I could never hear again and die happy.

Norman Alexander 30th September 2021 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeMorgue (Post 13615126)
Yeah I've got users like that. Them just setting down at their desk and logging in in the morning is this whole goddamn Japanese Tea Ceremony.

The giggling coyish "Oh it's my OCD, tee hee hee" thing is something I could never hear again and die happy.

Unplug their keyboard. They won't notice and can't work for days. Don't rush to fix it. Everyone else will get stuff done.

catsmate 1st October 2021 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norman Alexander (Post 13615239)
Unplug their keyboard. They won't notice and can't work for days. Don't rush to fix it. Everyone else will get stuff done.

Change the layout. I recommend Canadian Multi-lingual........

xterra 1st October 2021 05:58 AM

Dvorak

Wudang 1st October 2021 06:13 AM

Just pop out the "m" and "n" keys and swap them.

Norman Alexander 1st October 2021 06:17 AM

Make the mouse setting "super sensitive", and switch the display to 640x480 resolution with a ghastly high contrast pallet.

JoeMorgue 1st October 2021 06:18 AM

Again people "LOL just screw with your users, it's so much fun" isn't an option for me.

a_unique_person 1st October 2021 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeMorgue (Post 13611482)
*Groans, head into wall*

More desk moves. 8 of them. And at least 4 of them are users being moved back to their original desk.

Okay seriously someone reading this thread has got to have been a manager/supervisor at some point in an office setting. Please help me understand the constant need to arbitrarily move people.

My theory. It costs nothing and gives the appearance of action.

Wudang 1st October 2021 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeMorgue (Post 13616297)
Again people "LOL just screw with your users, it's so much fun" isn't an option for me.

Never really been an option for me either tbh. Colleagues, yes. Nice to imagine though sometimes.

alfaniner 1st October 2021 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeMorgue (Post 13616297)
Again people "LOL just screw with your users, it's so much fun" isn't an option for me.

And probably a firing offense.

theprestige 4th October 2021 11:34 AM

Ideal Software Developers: "I understand my software build tool, which is why when I run it in an automated environment, I make sure it's set up to use that environment properly, same as I do when I'm developing locally and configuring everything by hand."

My Software Developers: "tHiS Is tOo cOmPlIcAtEd"

Wudang 4th October 2021 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theprestige (Post 13619395)
Ideal Software Developers: "I understand my software build tool, which is why when I run it in an automated environment, I make sure it's set up to use that environment properly, same as I do when I'm developing locally and configuring everything by hand."

My Software Developers: "tHiS Is tOo cOmPlIcAtEd"

At <Major Bank> I had to deal with both. I wrote and helped support a couple of systems and the big one was a, call it a service layer, that application programmers called instead of learning all the underlying stuff. We never heard much from the ISDs apart from clear questions. Other teams.....
We had a guy join us from one of the former teams and he was a real asset and a good guy. One time me and him were having a few beers after work and he vented a bit about my team's attitude to developers.
I may have mentioned this common interaction:
Us "Have you tried running this by your chief programmer?"
Them "I *am* the chief programmer."
Anyway he thought we had a very negative view of application teams. Then a few weeks later he answered my phone while I was getting a coffee. The guy, a chief programmer with 13 (10+3) years experience with that language in that environment asked to speak to me. Dave said I was away and could he help. The guy said "Well I got this email from him about how my problems were because I had a 'static' instead of a 'dynamic ' link to your programs and I don't know what that means."
Basically it means instead of calling our programs he'd told the build to copy our program into his so he would never pick up new versions.
Dave said "Oh that just means that you....".
The guy interrupts "No, no, no. I don't want to know what it means. Just tell me how to implement it."
Dave "Put the program name in quotes in <build thing>."
"Ok thanks."
Poor Dave was in shock for weeks. In that OS/language/build environment it's schoolboy stuff yet this guy has 13 years of accumulated ignorance. In that and another role I realised it was cultural, guys like Dave were all in teams with leads like Dave. Guys like Mr 13 were all in teams like him and produced guys like him. Many teams looked on RTFM the way the Papacy looked on Martin Luther.

arthwollipot 5th October 2021 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoeMorgue (Post 13616297)
Again people "LOL just screw with your users, it's so much fun" isn't an option for me.

It rarely is for anyone. But having a laugh about BOFH moves doesn't mean that we are actually going to do them.

a_unique_person 6th October 2021 04:53 PM

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.
I AGREE


The expert.

Been there, done that

Norman Alexander 6th October 2021 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by a_unique_person (Post 13621738)
YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.
I AGREE


The expert.

Been there, done that

Never, NEVER admit to being an expert. Unless you are a consultant. In which case. always say "Yes, please pay me first."

arthwollipot 13th October 2021 10:27 PM

I remain unable to understand why people still don't get the idea that the more they behave like dicks to us, the less inclined we are to help them.

Norman Alexander 13th October 2021 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13628644)
I remain unable to understand why people still don't get the idea that the more they behave like dicks to us, the less inclined we are to help them.

They think of it as "encouragement". They are Karens and Kens.

arthwollipot 13th October 2021 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norman Alexander (Post 13628651)
They think of it as "encouragement". They are Karens and Kens.

To be fair, this particular person was a project manager with a developer who hasn't been able to work properly for eight weeks, so they had a genuine reason to complain. But their attitude wasn't helpful.

TragicMonkey 14th October 2021 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13628644)
I remain unable to understand why people still don't get the idea that the more they behave like dicks to us, the less inclined we are to help them.

When I have a stack of work of equal priority I do it in the order most convenient to me. If anyone pesters me with what I feel is undue attitude I move their request to the bottom of the stack. I consider this to be operating as an agent of localized karma.

Dr. Keith 14th October 2021 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey (Post 13628801)
When I have a stack of work of equal priority I do it in the order most convenient to me. If anyone pesters me with what I feel is undue attitude I move their request to the bottom of the stack. I consider this to be operating as an agent of localized karma.

There are people who are pleasant to work for and their work always seems to float to the top of the to-do list.

One in particular, I know is an odious man who I would not even want to have lunch with, but he is very pleasant via e-mail and makes it seem like I’m not even working when we have to really hash things out.

I was trying to think of a counter example, but we fired them all over the pandemic. I hope the new people work out.

arthwollipot 14th October 2021 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Keith (Post 13628812)
There are people who are pleasant to work for and their work always seems to float to the top of the to-do list.

Absolutely. I've got a few callers who are an absolute delight to talk to. I always go above and beyond for those people.

arthwollipot 14th October 2021 10:35 PM

We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

Quote:

Aquí Moni, Ajá. Pentecostés, puerta de tu padre o Pitágoras. Buena tarde. El fin de simple episodio para dar una vuelta por Internet que me ancho.

English
Here Moni, Aha. Pentecost, your father's door or Pythagoras. Good afternoon. The end of a simple episode to take a tour of the Internet that widens me.

Norman Alexander 15th October 2021 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13629868)
We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

.....que?

Wudang 15th October 2021 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13629868)
We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

A UK based and an HK based colleague tried the translation system the bank paid a lot of money for. The HK guy could only make sense of the English -> Cantonese when he was given the original English and was then able to reconstruct it. His description was "you would need to be highly imaginative to work that out." My feeling was it was like a cryptic crossword clue where you have to know the 3rd and 4th meanings of words then drop a tab of acid.

a_unique_person 15th October 2021 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13629746)
Absolutely. I've got a few callers who are an absolute delight to talk to. I always go above and beyond for those people.


I would be mean to them. You are only encouraging dedendency.

rdaneel 17th October 2021 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot
We, apparently, are now taking voice mails. They're put through a voice-to-text, and in this case apparently a translation through Google Translate. We've been having a good old laugh at this one:

Quote:

Aquí Moni, Ajá. Pentecostés, puerta de tu padre o Pitágoras. Buena tarde. El fin de simple episodio para dar una vuelta por Internet que me ancho.

English
Here Moni, Aha. Pentecost, your father's door or Pythagoras. Good afternoon. The end of a simple episode to take a tour of the Internet that widens me.

Shaka, when the walls fell. Kadir beneath Mo Moteh.

Wudang 17th October 2021 11:41 AM

I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"

Norman Alexander 17th October 2021 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wudang (Post 13631678)
I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"

You can shorten that to "covfefe".

Kid Eager 17th October 2021 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wudang (Post 13631678)
I was thinking "penitenziagite! watch out for the draco who cometh in futurum to gnaw your anima! death is super nos! pray the santo pater come to liberar nos a malo and all our sin! ha ha, you like this negromanzia de domini nostri jesu christi! et anco jois m'es dols e plazer m'es dolors...cave el diabolo! semper lying in wait for me in some angulum to snap at my heels. but salvatore is not stupidus! bonum monsasterium, and aqui refectorium and pray to dominum nostrum. and the resto is not worth merda. amen. no?"

That's just a TragicMonkey copypasta... :D

Wudang 18th October 2021 05:50 AM

It's from
the movie The Name of the Rose, spoken by Ron Perlman's character Salvatore.

arthwollipot 19th October 2021 05:26 PM

"There is a three-day turnaround on New Starter Requests."

"So how long will my New Starter Request take?"

"...Three days."

TragicMonkey 20th October 2021 07:31 AM

Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.

catsmate 20th October 2021 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey (Post 13634258)
Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.

Excellent. :D :thumbsup:

Norman Alexander 20th October 2021 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey (Post 13634258)
Dearest User: before you try to score office points by showing up someone else's error you should do a little research first to make certain the error is actually the fault of the person you're trying to show up. Definitely do not start out in email, copying their boss, your boss, their boss's boss, and your boss's boss. Why not? Because the person you're trying to show up might keep excellent documentation and notes and be able to prove in seconds that the error was actually the fault of your own boss. And you just pointed out your own boss's error to their boss.

Sincerely,
Somebody who keeps every relevant email, meticulously placed in folders by topic, and writes copious, dated, decision-relevant comments in his SQL.

Corollary: Read your job description. Pretty sure "Scoring office points" is never one of the bullet points.

TragicMonkey 20th October 2021 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Norman Alexander (Post 13634709)
Corollary: Read your job description. Pretty sure "Scoring office points" is never one of the bullet points.

I think the guy in question is worried about his position. I can't think this is going to help with that, if so!

Norman Alexander 20th October 2021 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey (Post 13634721)
I think the guy in question is worried about his position. I can't think this is going to help with that, if so!

Awesomely bad move, then! Even if he wasn't going to get put back in his box by a much better documented coworker. If you think your job is in jeopardy and you really want to keep it, the last thing you do is start throwing hand grenades like that. I speak from the experience of a much younger and sillier and unwiser version of myself. :o

arthwollipot 20th October 2021 10:32 PM

Of course I can provide a status update on a job for which you can provide me neither the job number nor the user ID of the person who logged it. Just one moment while I put on my Helmet of Clairvoyance.

Norman Alexander 21st October 2021 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13635002)
Of course I can provide a status update on a job for which you can provide me neither the job number nor the user ID of the person who logged it. Just one moment while I put on my Helmet of Clairvoyance.

"And I think it was logged last week...or was it the week before...I'm not sure, I was an leave at the time and someone logged it for me and I don't know who. Anyway, it was about that thing on my computer at home. You know the one!"

arthwollipot 21st October 2021 07:36 PM

You know what I really love about this job? When the users don't trust us to do our jobs. We've got a request to do a thing on a certain date, they just have to phone us to confirm that it will be done on that date. Yes, we will do it on that date. Just could you damn well trust us? This is our job. This is our area of professional expertise. We know what we are doing.

TragicMonkey 22nd October 2021 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arthwollipot (Post 13635703)
You know what I really love about this job? When the users don't trust us to do our jobs. We've got a request to do a thing on a certain date, they just have to phone us to confirm that it will be done on that date. Yes, we will do it on that date. Just could you damn well trust us? This is our job. This is our area of professional expertise. We know what we are doing.

I find it more offensive when they try to be cute about it by sending an email (copying your boss, of course) asking if there are "any barriers they can assist with that are preventing X being done on Wednesday as agreed." Especially when X is a ten minute query that can't be run until Wednesday because the relevant data gets extracted on Tuesday night. We're waiting not because the task takes continuous work over a span of time but because the task requires a scheduled prerequisite to occur. So now I have to humiliate them by replying to all (copying their boss) explaining it all again in terms a five year old would understand.

And of course I'll have the thing done by 7:35 a.m. on Wednesday but I'm not going to deliver it until 4:58 p.m. because there must be consequences.


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