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Old 8th November 2019, 11:01 AM   #164
Penultimate Amazing
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 39,796
Originally Posted by Joe Random View Post
IMO there's a difference between issuing a general warning, even if based on a specific example, and telling a specific person after the fact what they should/shouldn't have done.

"19 year old Katie got blackout drunk at a frat party and several guys there pulled a train on her. Best to stay sober and keep your wits about you in situations like that, lest bad actors take advantage of you. There are a lot of really horrible people out there whom you simply can't trust not to do you harm."


"Well, Katie, you shouldn't have had all those Jager bombs if you wanted to wake up will all your orifices still their original size."

The two are hugely different, but it seems people are wont to treat them as being equal. Any suggestion that a generic person take precautions against being harmed is treated as victim-blaming a specific person and absolving the bad-actor in their case.
"Katie, you know that getting blackout drunk at parties full of strangers is a bad idea."

"Shut up! You're not the boss of me."

The next day:

"Seriously? What were you thinking?"

"It's not my fault! I was blackout drunk and they took advantage!"

"You chose to get blackout drunk. What was that about?"

"Shut up!"


At some point, Katie is going to look back with regret on all the self-destructive choices she made, and blame herself for many of the outcomes that resulted.

Or she's going to destroy herself before she has a chance to snap out of it. Talking to her about those choices, the consequences, and the responsibility she bears for the choices she made, may be an important part of helping her snap out of it.

But you probably can't reach a 19 year old that way. Some stages of life, the lessons can only be learned by living through them.
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