“How I Killed Santa”: The Physics of Santa Claus

MattusMaximus

Intellectual Gladiator
MattusMaximus
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Jan 26, 2006
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Link to blog post...

I’m a bad, bad person. No kidding, I’m bad – really, really bad. I say this because in my physics classes today, I killed Santa Claus. Well, to be more accurate, what I did was use our knowledge of physics to kill the fantasy of Santa Claus (because it’s pretty damn hard to kill something that isn’t real). And I have no guilt at all for doing this, because if 16-18 year old kids are still harboring some kind of actual belief in Santa, then they need a strong dose of reality laid on them! :)

So how did I do it? Just how did I kill the Santa fantasy? Here’s how… I used a brief PowerPoint presentation to make the following argument:


Edited by Locknar: 
Edited, breach of Rule 4


Thus, in conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, HE’S DEAD NOW!!!



While quoting brief portions is fine, please do not post copyrighted material (as defined in your Membership Agreement) in its entirety.
Replying to this modbox in thread will be off topic  Posted By: Locknar
 
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Well, you big meanie, I'm not convinced. I'll continue to believe since NORAD tracks him on Christmas night. They wouldn't waste time and resources on something so frivolous, would they?? WOULD THEY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!?
 
I honestly can't say which I enjoyed more, your physics lesson (quite glorious) or the poster :D....I shall, of course be passing them both on and more than likely taking credit for their brilliance. Thanks for sharing!!
 
Puh-leez!

It just so happens that Santa has knowledge of physics far more advanced than yours.. Not only does he have warp nacelles on the Sleigh, he also has time dilation technology. Add in inertial compensators and anti-gravity lift kits, and his top-secret box that's larger on the inside than on the outside, and your silly little argument crumbles to dust.
 
Um. It's magic. Not physics. So, uh, ...

never mind!

I reconciled my figuring out that Santa doesn't exist with "he lives in our hearts".
I think I've turned into Scrooge though. My 8 yr old self would be so disappointed in me.
 
Until you've been to the Santa Claus and his Old Lady Commune, it seems unfair to judge the reindeer that are raised and domesticated there. Perhaps, in addition to being able to fly, they are also fireproof.

You've also neglected to account for Santa's "magic dust" although I can understand that on the grounds of not wanting to spread the wrong message to high school kids.

The rest of your points seem valid though.
 
I just heard the Tooth Fairy kills you when you put a tooth under the pillow at night.
Now what kinda monster would tell their kids that?
Sanity Claus with his dedication to fostering greed in children is bad enough.
 
If you had bothered to scale by the good-to-naughty ratio, you'd find the numbers all work out fine. I just can't believe you left that little detail out. What are you, some kind of atheist or something?


:duck:
 
There are so many errors in the OP I do not know where to begin. The article is pure woo. We all know that Santa is real and delivers presents on Christmas Eve.

One error is that it assumes that Santa can only be at one place at any one time. This is not correct. He can be at many places all at the same time. This can be easily shown by going shopping. You can go from one shopping area to another and see Santa in all of them.

I could go on and on, but I do not see the point. You will just reject the evidence out of hand. Or give pathetic excuses as to why my logic is incorrect.
 
rjh01 said:
I could go on and on, but I do not see the point. You will just reject the evidence out of hand. Or give pathetic excuses as to why my logic is incorrect.
Click to expand...


There is even proof of Santa's existance in the whole global warming debate.

As we are all aware (except maybe that woo MattusMaximus), Santa has his workshop situated at the North Pole. The is primarily for reasons of shipping routes and efficiencies -- a methodology FedEx latter exploited without due credit to the jolly ol' elf. No matter. The massive toy factory, like any large industrial facility, requires tremendous cooling to keep the occupants comfortable. The polar ice cap is nothing more than frost build-up on the evaporation coils of Santa's huge heat exchanger.

Santa, of course, is energy conscious, and has been instituting major greening initiatives over that past few decades. These have resulted in not only substantial reductions in power consumption, but have greatly reduced the heat load as well. A lowered heat generation means reduced HVAC load, and that in turn means less ice accumulation on the fin-tubes.

Al Gore, time to smell the egg nog.
 
I wonder if the Arctic Board of Labour Relations knows about the sweat-shop conditions in Santa's toy factory? Those aren't elves doing the work ... I mean, if you feed children just barely enough to keep them from starving, their growth will be stunted, at the very least ...
 
All supervisory agencies have been paid off. Santa can thus do whatever he wants. Santa is all powerful. Knows everything.

Reminds me of the one time he could not pay off one agent. The agent tried to do a raid on the factory. Problem solved by moving the factory one hour before the raid and just leaving an empty shell behind. Only took 5 minutes. Agent never bothered Santa again.
 
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