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Old 1st May 2012, 08:07 PM   #1
truethat
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Do you want your kids to agree with you?

Starting a new thread to discuss some ideas raised in Quad's thread. But this is more general.

For me I don't care what my kids believe as long as they come by it critically. In general I have liberal thinkers. Two of my kids were raised Muslim. But as their mother I've always exposed them to other religions including Christianity, Judaism and Buddhism. I have a very diverse group of friends and they have as well. Example, my son has dated a Christian, a Jew, an Atheist etc. One is a bit more skeptical than the other.

My youngest son is being raised as an atheist basically, in that we don't do anything religious in our house. My husband is basically agnostic and leans towards believing in Aliens more than God. I am a strong atheist. My husband's family are Greek orthodox and so my son has some experience with that religion and we teach him to be respectful of others.

Two of our friends have been Born Again Christians. One we blew off because he was rude but the other is still a friend. We don't really care what they believe, they know how we believe, there've been some concessions on both sides. For example I've gotten my friend to reconsider her views on Homosexuality and she's pointed out the importance of spiritual peace in some people.

But bottom line it's not my concern what my kids believe. I would love and hope that they don't believe in God but it doesn't bother me in the slightest if they do. I know there's no God, I've explained it but I do understand the appeal it holds for some people.

It's never really occurred to me that I should care what they believe because I don't care what anyone believes, it's not my business.

I'm curious if other parents feel otherwise.
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:12 PM   #2
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I want everyone to agree with me.
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:14 PM   #3
truethat
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I love you arthwollipot! LOL
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:14 PM   #4
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Can I infer that you had two kids with a Muslim father and have subsequently had at least one more with a different father?
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:21 PM   #5
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truethat, this is ENTIRELY different from what we discussing on the opposite thread. I would encourage any children to disagree with me.
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:24 PM   #6
truethat
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Originally Posted by SezMe View Post
Can I infer that you had two kids with a Muslim father and have subsequently had at least one more with a different father?
Yep!
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Old 1st May 2012, 08:27 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
I want everyone to agree with me.
This.

Seriously though, Im more interested in teaching my kids *how* to think rather than *what* to think.
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Old 1st May 2012, 11:22 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by truethat View Post
Yep!
Interesting. How do your Muslim kids now relate to you? What level of interaction do you have with them? Their father? I'm interested (nosy?) in more details.
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Old 1st May 2012, 11:29 PM   #9
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I would never want my kids to agree with me because I think kids = free labor around the house.
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Old 1st May 2012, 11:32 PM   #10
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I'm their mom. What do you think? LOL Their father I don't know what you want to know. We all get along great, more distance now than before since their dad has remarried. And it's just a mixed family with lots of different personalities. We all respect and love each other. It's pretty calm. Very supportive. ? Sometimes a pain. Family.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 12:19 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by devnull View Post
This.

Seriously though, Im more interested in teaching my kids *how* to think rather than *what* to think.
Isn't that the same tihng, though?

If you taught your kids how to think, and they applied that knowledge to announce that 2+2 = 5, then not only are they incorrect, but they made a mistake in their thinking somewhere, too.

I just don't understand why religion is treated like taste in music or food, and not like physics or biology. Clearly, there either is a god, or there is not - and if there is one, then clearly it either corresponds to a particualr religion, or it does not.

Having wrong or unsupported ideas deserves no more respect or understanding than the physics crackpots that think they have disproven relativity or the hollow earth nutters.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 04:03 AM   #12
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This seems vaguely appropriate:

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Old 2nd May 2012, 04:54 AM   #13
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If my kid thinks the same way as me and has the same opinions, she will not be able to do any better than I have. That would be sad...

I actively ( try to ) teach her that I can be wrong, and that she needs to find out things for herself, despite my opinions. Of course I still give advice and hope she heeds what seems to be obviously correct. Obvious does not always equal to true though.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 05:02 AM   #14
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I want my children to be correct.

So yes, I want them to agree with me.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 07:17 AM   #15
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Ultimately, I want my kids to be without religious beliefs. I can't control what they believe nor can I control how they come to their conclusions. The absolute best thing I can do is try to teach them to question things. My oldest is the most analytical. She doesn't simply accept things as fact and since she was very small, had an interest in knowing as much as she possibly can about any given topic. She is an atheist.

My son, also now calls himself an atheist, but generally calls himself one because both his parents call themselves atheists. He did not come to that conclusion through critical thinking. I worry for him, in that sense because he is so impressionable. If his father says Obama sucks, he will simply repeat it and resent my questioning as to why Obama sucks. The truth is, I don't care what he thinks of the president or the world, for that matter, I would just prefer him to have an actual reason other than "Mom, Dad, my teacher says so!"

My youngest is a Christian. She, too, does not seem to be interested in critical thinking. I've tried to explain to her that asking why she makes a particular assertion is not an attack, that I am genuinely interested in how her line of thinking works but she just groans and says, "whatever!" She is sensitive to the conclusions that my oldest and I share and it makes her feel like an outsider so I don't push it. She may come to a point where mental consistency is important or she may not. All I can do is encourage it and love her regardless of the outcome.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 08:44 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by sgtbaker View Post
Ultimately, I want my kids to be without religious beliefs. I can't control what they believe nor can I control how they come to their conclusions. The absolute best thing I can do is try to teach them to question things. My oldest is the most analytical. She doesn't simply accept things as fact and since she was very small, had an interest in knowing as much as she possibly can about any given topic. She is an atheist.

My son, also now calls himself an atheist, but generally calls himself one because both his parents call themselves atheists. He did not come to that conclusion through critical thinking. I worry for him, in that sense because he is so impressionable. If his father says Obama sucks, he will simply repeat it and resent my questioning as to why Obama sucks. The truth is, I don't care what he thinks of the president or the world, for that matter, I would just prefer him to have an actual reason other than "Mom, Dad, my teacher says so!"

My youngest is a Christian. She, too, does not seem to be interested in critical thinking. I've tried to explain to her that asking why she makes a particular assertion is not an attack, that I am genuinely interested in how her line of thinking works but she just groans and says, "whatever!" She is sensitive to the conclusions that my oldest and I share and it makes her feel like an outsider so I don't push it. She may come to a point where mental consistency is important or she may not. All I can do is encourage it and love her regardless of the outcome.
Somewhat the same situation in my family. My wife is a church-going Christian but not a proselytizer and I (can be) a Badassed Atheist with Attitude though I control myself around her and her friends (if I ever take Frank up on the invitation to the "Men's Breakfast", many , many relationships might be destroyed for ever ).

My son describes himself, if asked, as an agnostic. My daughter is a non-church-going Christian.

I'd did my best over the years. They are both in their thirties now and can believe what-ever-they-wish.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 10:59 AM   #17
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Our two kids are atheists but it was more through osmosis than direct instruction. We do not go to church and we would criticize religious beliefs, but we never said to them "There is no such thing as god." Religion was just not a concern.

Since I'm always right, my children have no alternative but to agree with me.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:02 AM   #18
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It's very important to my spouse and I that our children also choose to be Christians.

It is also important to me that they be able to think critically and come to that choice after a lot of thought, study, and consideration.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:04 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by AvalonXQ View Post
It's very important to my spouse and I that our children also choose to be Christians.

It is also important to me that they be able to think critically and come to that choice after a lot of thought, study, and consideration.
And if they don't?
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:09 AM   #20
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If my kids (which I don't have) agreed with me I wouldn't be able to learn anything from them.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:17 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Spindrift View Post
And if they don't?
Then we will likely be very disappointed, but I suspect the debates at holidays will be very lively (assuming either of the kids take after me).

If the kids take after my spouse and deconvert, they will probably not visit on holidays. That would make us sad.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:38 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by AvalonXQ View Post
It's very important to my spouse and I that our children also choose to be Christians.

It is also important to me that they be able to think critically and come to that choice after a lot of thought, study, and consideration.
A point of contention: thinking critically and coming to decision about religion after a lot of thought, study, and consideration can only lead to the conclusion that religion is full of ****.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 11:54 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by joobz View Post
I want my children to be correct.

So yes, I want them to agree with me.
However, mine are idiots so I don't have high expectations and they'll believe whatever idiotic ideas they want.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 12:03 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by joobz View Post
I want my children to be correct.

So yes, I want them to agree with me.
You're wrong

Yuri
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Old 2nd May 2012, 12:16 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Spindrift View Post
And if they don't?
I think it's clear that for most people, they want their children to come to their own conclusions, and for those to be the right conclusions. For some people, if their child has the "wrong" beliefs about religion, then that indicates that the child has failed to think things through properly.

No point in pretending to children that you really don't care what they think if actually you do.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 02:56 PM   #26
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No. I had children, not clones. Whatever they feel is right for them in terms of religious belief is what makes me happy for them. My ex-husband professed to Christian belief, which is why we married in a church, but I don't know what he believes nowadays and sadly, three of the kids refuse to see him. My youngest still visits his dad regularly, though I doubt religion is one of their topics of conversation!

I brought them all up to think critically, I hope, and though I was always open about my lack of religious belief I ensured they had a good grounding in religion; the three boys went to a Christian independent school and though my daughter's school wasn't overtly Christian, they had a daily act of worship and plenty of religious education. All four of them are atheist at the moment and I expect they will remain so, but it's their choice.
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Old 3rd May 2012, 03:32 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Agatha View Post
No. I had children, not clones. Whatever they feel is right for them in terms of religious belief is what makes me happy for them.
Really? You'd be happy for them if they joined the Westboro Babtist Church, Jehivas Witnesses or Scientology? It would make you happy to know your children werre protesting funerals of other people with "God hates fags"-Posters?

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I brought them all up to think critically, I hope, and though I was always open about my lack of religious belief I ensured they had a good grounding in religion; the three boys went to a Christian independent school and though my daughter's school wasn't overtly Christian, they had a daily act of worship and plenty of religious education. All four of them are atheist at the moment and I expect they will remain so, but it's their choice.
That is Christian education, not a religious ones. You didn't send them to as school that was Hindu, Jewish or Muslim, right?
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