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Old 7th August 2006, 07:30 PM   #41
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But how does it work?
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Old 7th August 2006, 10:13 PM   #42
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What star sign are you?

The STOP sign!

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We'd outgrown the fables, I knew. The sun isn't Apollo's chariot, of course, it's a star that began burning when a god said "Let there be light". Man was not created from clay by Zeus, he was created from clay by Yahweh. Hades didn't restore Euridice to life, please. That would be absurd. Jesus did, of course, restore Lazarus to life.... What morons we were before. How wise we are now. - Dale McGowan
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Old 7th August 2006, 11:40 PM   #43
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What star sign are you?

I'm a cancer, on the cusp of uranus.
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Old 8th August 2006, 03:55 AM   #44
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What star sign are you?

I'm a Pyrex. I was a test-tube baby.
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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Old 8th August 2006, 04:13 AM   #45
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One general response I've been tempted to use, but (so far) I've resisted the temptation:

"That's nice" [For added effect, gently pat the relevant individual on their head while giving this reply]
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Old 8th August 2006, 04:22 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Fronzel View Post
(snip)how I was supposed to prove him wrong.(snip)
The correct response is, "I have. Prove that I haven't proved you wrong." It quickly becomes something akin to two young boys shouting "I got you!", "No you didn't!, "Yes I did!", etc., and is funny to everyone except the claimaint.
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Old 8th August 2006, 10:18 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by SkepticScott View Post
The correct response is, "I have. Prove that I haven't proved you wrong." It quickly becomes something akin to two young boys shouting "I got you!", "No you didn't!, "Yes I did!", etc., and is funny to everyone except the claimaint.
You've been blog'd!
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Old 8th August 2006, 10:43 AM   #48
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I think the response, "I highly doubt that." is probably the best I have ever heard. Short and sweet. I am going to use that one next time........
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Old 8th August 2006, 02:20 PM   #49
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"That was no alien -- that was my wife!"
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Old 8th August 2006, 03:13 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by grayman View Post
“I don’t believe in astrology because I’m a Leo, and Leos are very hard to convince of anything.”



James Randi
errr...I thought that one was attributed to Arthur Clarke:

"I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical."
- Arthur C. Clarke

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/qu...ccl166777.html

Last edited by pchams; 8th August 2006 at 03:19 PM.
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Old 8th August 2006, 03:16 PM   #51
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May I suggest that this thread should have been named, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Claims"?
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Old 9th August 2006, 05:32 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by pchams View Post
Originally Posted by grayman :
“I don’t believe in astrology because I’m a Leo, and Leos are very hard to convince of anything.”



James Randi


errr...I thought that one was attributed to Arthur Clarke:

"I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical."
- Arthur C. Clarke

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/qu...ccl166777.html
I copied it from an email Mr. Randi sent me as a reply to an astrology comment I sent to him.

Doesn't matter which said it first, it's a good line.
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Old 9th August 2006, 07:18 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by gnome View Post
Yup, that's the one. Works especially well on adverts for paranormal programming.

"Could this mansion be haunted by the spirit of Louis XIV?"

No.

"Could a young girl from Russia see through your skin and diagnose your medical problems?"

No.

"Could this man have seen the alien bodies kept at Area 51?"

No. No, he couldn't.
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Old 9th August 2006, 05:13 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Upchurch View Post
May I suggest that this thread should have been named, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Claims"?
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Old 9th August 2006, 10:00 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by Mojo View Post
Claim: "We only use 10% of our brains."

Response: "Speak for yourself."
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Old 10th August 2006, 01:20 AM   #56
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One I used yesterday whilst being regaled with stories of a ghostly grey-haired female figure was:

"I definitely saw this woman in the library who vanished!"

"Really? Well, who ya gonna call?"

I was quite proud of myself for coming up with *something*, as I never normally know how to respond without somehow validating what I'm being told. Apparently the woman's family were/are Spiritualists so after that I just told her I was a "hardened skeptic I'm afraid".

FYI, the location's historical use was as a military hospital, so her generic "grey lady" sighting on the face of it wouldn't make much sense anyway.
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Old 10th August 2006, 09:34 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by blutoski
"Ahh, I'm not into that fru-fru faggoty stuff."
Diamond! OK, couple of generic one-size-fits-alls. 1. *look of disgust* "That is so Fonzie." 2. *look of keen interest* "Yes! Wagner, man. F#$&in' ricky-tick!" Oh! And one for 'I can see dead people'. "Dude, that is heavy man 'cuz check this- I can see right flailing morons... *evil whisper* ...and I can see one right now!"
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Old 10th August 2006, 10:39 AM   #58
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Dead-Talker: I'm getting the letter 'M' - does that mean anything to you?

Me: Wait! I'm getting something too! Do the letters F and U mean anything to you?
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Old 10th August 2006, 01:26 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by Beady View Post
Is there a quickie for Jehovah's Witnesses? I now keep a small stack of "Kissing Hank's Ass" tracts by the door, but I'm looking for something a little pithier.
I know a guy (in his 60's) who keeps a can of fly spray by his door. Whenever Jehovah's Witnesses turn up he chases them down his driveway spraying them and shouting “PESTS, PESTS”.
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Old 10th August 2006, 01:31 PM   #60
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Originally Posted by Seismosaurus View Post
Has everybody has seen the video of Kissing Hank's Ass? Not word for word, but darn close.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDp7pkEcJVQ

ynot, you monster, I just spent five whole minutes staring at your avatar!
You are feeling sleepy . . .send your money to . . .
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Old 10th August 2006, 01:37 PM   #61
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Thanks y’all. I’ve been travelling all week so haven’t been able to partake. Have had a good chuckle - thanks
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Paranormal/supernatural beliefs are knowledge placebos.
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Old 10th August 2006, 02:13 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by Upchurch View Post
May I suggest that this thread should have been named, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Claims"?
Thanks

Q - “Do you mind if I pray?”
A - “As long as you don’t prey on me.”

Not woo, but a few of my all time favourites . . .

Q - “Can I join you?”
A - “I didn’t know I was coming apart.”

Q - “Do you mind if I smoke?”
A - “You can burst into flames for all I care.”

Q - “Isn’t that Sherpa Tensing?”
A - "No, it’s just the way he’s standing”
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Old 10th August 2006, 06:58 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by ynot View Post
Thanks

Q - “Do you mind if I pray?”
A - “As long as you don’t prey on me.”

Q - "Do you mind if I pray?"
A - "As long as you don’t mind if I think."


And a variation, from Firefly actually :

Book : "Captain, do you mind if I say grace?"
Mal : "Only if you say it out loud."
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Last edited by Seismosaurus; 10th August 2006 at 07:00 PM.
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Old 10th August 2006, 07:12 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by Seismosaurus View Post
Q - "Do you mind if I pray?"
A - "As long as you don’t mind if I think."


And a variation, from Firefly actually :

Book : "Captain, do you mind if I say grace?"
Mal : "Only if you say it out loud."
What I’m tempted to say is . . .

Q - “Do you mind if I pray?”
A - “Of course not. Do you mind if I vomit?”
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Paranormal/supernatural beliefs are knowledge placebos.
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Old 12th August 2006, 04:07 AM   #65
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Originally Posted by Mojo View Post
Claim: "We only use 10% of our brains."
Isn't that *at any one point in time*? You know, a computer's cpu is more like 0.00001% active at any one time.
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Old 12th August 2006, 04:14 AM   #66
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See the Two Percent Company's diatribe on the "10% of our brains" thing
http://www.twopercentco.com/rants/ar...ce_of_our.html
also The Straight Dope: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_028.html
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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Old 12th August 2006, 04:26 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by RobbieGee View Post
Isn't that *at any one point in time*? You know, a computer's cpu is more like 0.00001% active at any one time.
Unless you run BOINC, of course.
http://boinc.berkeley.edu/
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Old 12th August 2006, 05:47 AM   #68
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Ririon: No, I meant while fully active. The point is that every single transistor is *not* active at the same time. Neurons only work at some 130Hz (or maybe it was kHz, it's not that important for my point...) iirc, but the brain is massively good at parallel computing, something which has only just begun for the mass market of computers.
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Old 13th August 2006, 07:26 AM   #69
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-What astrological sign are you?

-I'm an Orion.

-That's not an astrological sign.

-I hope I never become so narrow-minded that I am forced to use only 12 astrological signs.
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Old 13th August 2006, 09:13 AM   #70
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"I'll pray for you."

"I'll think for you."
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Old 13th August 2006, 09:17 AM   #71
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Originally Posted by ynot View Post

Claim = “I can talk to dead people.”
"I know, I'm dead."

and if you're in the mood...

"And so are you. Why do you think you can talk to dead people?"

etc.

"Remember that near miss last week? Well, I am sorry to tell you but..."
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Old 13th August 2006, 01:48 PM   #72
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Woo: God wants to save you from your life of alcohol, gambling and wild abandoned sex with hordes of horny females.

Me: Why? what the hell did I ever do on him?
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Old 28th August 2006, 04:15 AM   #73
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Woo: "I can see the future."

Me: "Wow, so can I...(pause with intent stare)...you should put your affairs in order."
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Old 29th August 2006, 09:39 PM   #74
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Originally Posted by Beady View Post
Is there a quickie for Jehovah's Witnesses? I now keep a small stack of "Kissing Hank's Ass" tracts by the door, but I'm looking for something a little pithier.
Come to the door in a bathrobe, wave your penis at them and say "Bless this!"
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Old 29th August 2006, 09:41 PM   #75
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Originally Posted by grayman View Post
It's a well known fact that reptoids have difficulty pronouncing words with more than two syllables e.g. nuclear.
That much is certainly cular.
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Old 29th August 2006, 09:45 PM   #76
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Originally Posted by dogjones View Post
A friend of mine was having a chat with a girl he met. He asked her what she did. "I'm a student," she replied.

"Oh, ok," said Steve - "What are you studying?"

"Healing."

"Oh, right - nursing? Med school?"

"No. Different modality. Shiatsu, reiki, holistic stuff. It's really powerful and interesting."

"Oh... ok. I'm not sure I quite get it - what exactly does it entail, what do you do in class?"

"It's basically healing through touch. You know, I like, do a hara diagnosis, then use my hands to provide healing energy to the afflicted area."

"Ahhh, I get it now," said Steve, his face lighting up with comprehension. You're basically training to be... Jesus."

She scowled and went to talk to someone else. It was great.
Tell her you have herpes.

Also, if someone asks you if you love Jesus, just say no, you're only using him for sex.
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