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Old 21st September 2022, 01:11 AM   #1481
arthwollipot
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I really, really wish it were feasible to stop accepting jobs by email.

90% of my on-hold followups are for incidents that were submitted by email with insufficient information to troubleshoot, or in some cases actually understand what the problem is ("Please fix my dock"). It's a huge waste of time.
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Old 21st September 2022, 01:15 AM   #1482
Norman Alexander
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
I really, really wish it were feasible to stop accepting jobs by email.

90% of my on-hold followups are for incidents that were submitted by email with insufficient information to troubleshoot, or in some cases actually understand what the problem is ("Please fix my dock"). It's a huge waste of time.
Simple spelling error...?
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Old 21st September 2022, 01:15 AM   #1483
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Simple spelling error...?
We have no authority over that.
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Old 21st September 2022, 01:46 AM   #1484
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Simple spelling error...?
A company I worked at did an annual event - all senior bods got together to be told how great the company was - how well we are doing and how everything the people doing the work needed wasn't actually needed.

One of the few fun parts was examples of tickets sent to property and IT, one was something like "Please fix the bellend at the next desk, it is loud and annoying me." Apparently about the volume of the phones.... but I did wonder, I would have loved someone to have fixed the many... eh... bells I've had to sit next to that were too loud.
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Old 21st September 2022, 01:52 AM   #1485
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Yeah I've worked with some pretty loud bellends too.
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Old 21st September 2022, 10:55 PM   #1486
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
We have no authority over that.
Solution: Swap the O and I keys back again.
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Old 22nd September 2022, 01:31 PM   #1487
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Dear Coworker: if I write in an email chain "I'm not sure it's advisable to" that means "you are headed towards catastrophe if you do this". It's just expressed in a way that won't cause me extra work of getting involved beforehand but will cover my ass when the whole thing blows up in your face afterward.
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Old 22nd September 2022, 05:21 PM   #1488
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Dear Coworker: if I write in an email chain "I'm not sure it's advisable to" that means "you are headed towards catastrophe if you do this". It's just expressed in a way that won't cause me extra work of getting involved beforehand but will cover my ass when the whole thing blows up in your face afterward.
Sometimes these people are not listening and won't be told.

You need to pick your targets with care, but some of them are good with: "I'm not sure it's advisable..."

Others need to be pulled up more firmly with: "I definitely do not advise..."

And then there's the few, the very few, who need: "JESUS ******* CHRIST, DONNY! YOU DO THAT AND WE ARE ALL DEAD! JUST DROP IT!, OKAY??!"
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Old 22nd September 2022, 08:27 PM   #1489
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Sometimes these people are not listening and won't be told.

You need to pick your targets with care, but some of them are good with: "I'm not sure it's advisable..."

Others need to be pulled up more firmly with: "I definitely do not advise..."

And then there's the few, the very few, who need: "JESUS ******* CHRIST, DONNY! YOU DO THAT AND WE ARE ALL DEAD! JUST DROP IT!, OKAY??!"
"I advise the following:

Unplug your computer from the wall.
Pick it up and take it into the bathroom with you.
Plug it into the nearest electrical socket.
Now, take out a gun and shoot yourself. Your ability with computers gives me no confidence that you could electrocute yourself successfully."
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Old 22nd September 2022, 09:21 PM   #1490
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Sometimes these people are not listening and won't be told.

You need to pick your targets with care, but some of them are good with: "I'm not sure it's advisable..."

Others need to be pulled up more firmly with: "I definitely do not advise..."

And then there's the few, the very few, who need: "JESUS ******* CHRIST, DONNY! YOU DO THAT AND WE ARE ALL DEAD! JUST DROP IT!, OKAY??!"
Oh, no no no no. There's no "we" in this; did you miss the bit where I covered my own ass? I am fine and will always be fine, because I know how to withdraw gracefully to a distance when things are about to go bad. I'm merely complaining that some people are too feckless to be helped within the limits of helpfulness I am willing to offer.
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Old 22nd September 2022, 11:15 PM   #1491
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Oh, no no no no. There's no "we" in this; did you miss the bit where I covered my own ass? I am fine and will always be fine, because I know how to withdraw gracefully to a distance when things are about to go bad. I'm merely complaining that some people are too feckless to be helped within the limits of helpfulness I am willing to offer.
Of course!

My last example was referring to (1) an industrial chemical lab, (2) a nuclear facility, (3) Trump's White House.
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Old 28th September 2022, 08:56 PM   #1492
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This is old, and in a few instances a little outdated (most service desks no longer allow drop-ins), but it still hits the mark pretty hard. Spoilered for length:

Memo from IT Department:

* When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

* Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

* When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

* When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

* When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

* Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

* When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticise us.

* That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

* When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

* When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

* When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

* When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

* When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

* Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

* When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

* Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

* When your application can't do what you want, blame us. We write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.

* Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.

* If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

* If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

* When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up.

* Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

* When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

* When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.

* When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

* The instant you call us (on our mobile) we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.

* Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.

* When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

* When an IT person gets in the lift pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?"

* When you lose your car keys, send an e-mail to the entire company. People need to know.

* Don't worry, we were sitting there waiting for your call. The whole day.
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Old 5th October 2022, 10:55 AM   #1493
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Dear User: sometimes a follow-up question on your request is just a way to get you to commit in writing your own stupidity. Now I have my CYA and shortly you will have the hot garbage you requested, twice, in writing.
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Old 7th October 2022, 06:34 AM   #1494
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"I can't type my password standing up, only sitting down."

Said to me, just now.
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Old 7th October 2022, 06:39 AM   #1495
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Originally Posted by JoeMorgue View Post
"I can't type my password standing up, only sitting down."

Said to me, just now.
Yeah but to be fair you were holding their keyboard over their head!
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Old 7th October 2022, 07:16 AM   #1496
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Originally Posted by JoeMorgue View Post
"I can't type my password standing up, only sitting down."

Said to me, just now.
I don't know, that doesn't seem so ridiculous to me. Some of my memory is compartmentalized by where I happen to be. Like I can only remember my alarm's security code when I'm standing in front of the keypad, and I don't remember the street names along my common routes until I'm in the car. When I'm standing in front of my bookcases looking for a particular book I can remember that it's thin with a green spine but not until I'm actually there and looking for it. I don't know if it's just my brain allocating memory most conveniently or whether it's mental decline, but I rather hope it's the former.
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Old 7th October 2022, 11:51 AM   #1497
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Originally Posted by JoeMorgue View Post
"I can't type my password standing up, only sitting down."

Said to me, just now.
I recall hearing a story about a university lab where at one terminal some students could sign in while sitting down but kept getting password failures if they were standing up. It turned out two keycaps had been swapped. When sitting down, the students were typing their password using muscle memory, but when standing up they were looking at the keyboard.
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Old 7th October 2022, 12:05 PM   #1498
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Originally Posted by Blue Mountain View Post
I recall hearing a story about a university lab where at one terminal some students could sign in while sitting down but kept getting password failures if they were standing up. It turned out two keycaps had been swapped. When sitting down, the students were typing their password using muscle memory, but when standing up they were looking at the keyboard.
It’s happened to me. Not keys swapped, but a non-standard layout.
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Old 7th October 2022, 01:19 PM   #1499
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
I don't know, that doesn't seem so ridiculous to me. Some of my memory is compartmentalized by where I happen to be. Like I can only remember my alarm's security code when I'm standing in front of the keypad, and I don't remember the street names along my common routes until I'm in the car. When I'm standing in front of my bookcases looking for a particular book I can remember that it's thin with a green spine but not until I'm actually there and looking for it. I don't know if it's just my brain allocating memory most conveniently or whether it's mental decline, but I rather hope it's the former.
Dyslexia. Seriously. Not severe, but these are similar to methods I use to do actions and find things. It's a form of pattern-matching instead of reading.
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Old 7th October 2022, 01:20 PM   #1500
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Dyslexia. Seriously. Not severe, but these are similar to methods I use to do actions and find things. It's a form of pattern-matching instead of reading.
I don't think that's what I have. I am, if anything, lexical to a staggeringly high degree.
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Old 7th October 2022, 02:07 PM   #1501
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
I don't think that's what I have. I am, if anything, lexical to a staggeringly high degree.
Quote:
Storytelling and creating vivid, elaborate images

Children with dyslexia prefer to translate facts into experiences or stories, rather than keeping them as abstract concepts. They also tend to use stories to remember the past, describe the present, and imagine the future. This tendency to think in stories is called ‘episodic’ memory (in contrast to ‘rote’ memory which many school tasks rely on).
Your child might love creating vivid and elaborate imagery. And this could translate into great art. For example, celebrated filmmaker Tim Burton used his childhood drawings as the inspiration for his iconic character ‘Edward Scissorhands’. And then there’s Pablo Picasso, who used canvas to masterfully capture the workings of his mind. He would paint subjects as he saw them — sometimes out of order, backwards or upside down.
Storytelling skills are valued in artists, salespeople, counsellors, lawyers, and teachers.
https://www.theedpsych.com/blog/4-re...o-nurture-them

I am in awe of your imagination. Sound familiar?
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Last edited by Norman Alexander; 7th October 2022 at 02:08 PM.
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Old 7th October 2022, 04:42 PM   #1502
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I was at the DMV today (Department of Motor Vehicles) and had to make an appointment entry on the screen. The on-screen keyboard was missing some letters (ex: QWERTYUIP). The I and the P were next to each other, no spaces. I realized it was probably to keep people from confusing an O with a 0 but it was just another minor irritant to add on to the many you get when you go to the DMV.

Last week I was working with a friend on a single laptop at a very narrow coffee shop table. We both had to look at it from the corners rather than head-on. I found it almost impossible to type in my password from that angle.
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Old 7th October 2022, 06:05 PM   #1503
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And there's always the classic tell for PC gamers: the WASD keys are worn more than the others. And a worn C and V key reveal the copy-paste junkies.
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Old 9th October 2022, 06:27 PM   #1504
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Do people really think we can make their mobile number ring on their desk phones?

No, I can't add your mobile number as a second line on your phone. The universe just doesn't work like that.
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Old 9th October 2022, 09:39 PM   #1505
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Do they need directions on call forwarding?

I don't have a desk phone at work any more, but at a past job I was able to forward my mobile to my desk phone on a day I left it at home.
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Old 9th October 2022, 09:44 PM   #1506
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
Do people really think we can make their mobile number ring on their desk phones?

No, I can't add your mobile number as a second line on your phone. The universe just doesn't work like that.
I think they are asking that if their desk phone is unanswered, pass the call to their mobile. As BoR said, call forwarding.
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Old 9th October 2022, 09:51 PM   #1507
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
I think they are asking that if their desk phone is unanswered, pass the call to their mobile. As BoR said, call forwarding.
It's possible, but the method that they used is one of the most arcane and awkward request methods that we've got. It involves downloading an Excel spreadsheet and filling it out, then emailing it to us. Call Forwarding on the other hand is right at their fingertips every time they look at the intranet. Or, I notice now, their phones. And especially since people have been working remotely for the past two years, most people have been forwarding their phones to their mobiles so in general they're pretty familiar with the process.

If call forwarding is what they want, what they actually submitted was about as far away as it is possible to be from that. Especially since the page they download the Excel file from has very, very clear instructions including what it is and what it is for, and it very much does not give any indication that you can set call forwarding this way.
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Old 9th October 2022, 09:53 PM   #1508
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
It's possible, but the method that they used is one of the most arcane and awkward request methods that we've got. It involves downloading an Excel spreadsheet and filling it out, then emailing it to us. Call Forwarding on the other hand is right at their fingertips every time they look at the intranet. Or, I notice now, their phones. And especially since people have been working remotely for the past two years, most people have been forwarding their phones to their mobiles so in general they're pretty familiar with the process.

If call forwarding is what they want, what they actually submitted was about as far away as it is possible to be from that. Especially since the page they download the Excel file from has very, very clear instructions including what it is and what it is for, and it very much does not give any indication that you can set call forwarding this way.
What? There were instructions?? Where!
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Old 9th October 2022, 09:56 PM   #1509
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
What? There were instructions?? Where!
I have long since realised that people don't read instructions. We have them anyway, so that people can't complain that there were no instructions.
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Old 9th October 2022, 10:01 PM   #1510
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Here's another funny thing. We have this form called an EAN - Exit Advice Notification. This is the form that you complete when you're leaving. It sends notifications to Service Desk, VoIP, Smartcard, Payroll, etc so that all of your accounts and accesses can be closed. Most people do the right thing and fill this out when they are about to leave. Some don't, and the EAN has to be submitted by a colleague after they're gone. The oldest EAN I've seen was for someone who departed in 2018. We have one sitting in the system now that I saw when we received it in August, with a departure date in January 2023. I'm pretty sure that one was for someone who was on a fixed contract, and they submitted both the New Starter pack and the EAN at the same time. Now that's planning ahead!
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Old 10th October 2022, 02:23 AM   #1511
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Originally Posted by BowlOfRed View Post
Do they need directions on call forwarding?

I don't have a desk phone at work any more, but at a past job I was able to forward my mobile to my desk phone on a day I left it at home.
You're doing it wrong. If you leave your cell phone at home you should forward your desk phone to it.
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Old 11th October 2022, 10:45 PM   #1512
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So I just got some training on a new system we're rolling out called CyberArk, and it looks really, really good.

Up until now, if I wanted to use Active Directory Users and Computers, I had to RDP to server A (the "jump" server), then in that server I would RDP to server B, on which I would be able to run AD. Using CyberArk I will be able to run AD natively on my desktop without having to go through two servers.

It has other functions (like managing my privileged admin accounts, yes plural), but that alone makes it worthwhile in my view.
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Old 12th October 2022, 05:33 AM   #1513
Norman Alexander
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
I have long since realised that people don't read instructions. We have them anyway, so that people can't complain that there were no instructions.
Our trainers have this as part of their spiel for orientation:

"We have spent a lot of money getting instructions prepared for all your basic phone and computer functions. These have been printed out, and are also available on our internal website. We will go over them again shortly. So in future if anyone calls in to Helpdesk with a problem that could have been fixed by reading and following these instructions, we will personally staple another copy to your forehead and you will have to wear it round your office until you can recite it word-perfect. So are we paying attention? Good! Let's begin..."


And despite this warning, we do still get people calling in with dumb-and-dumber problems...
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Old 12th October 2022, 08:50 AM   #1514
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There is a reason the acronym RTFM exists.
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Old 13th October 2022, 07:23 AM   #1515
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Our trainers have this as part of their spiel for orientation:

"We have spent a lot of money getting instructions prepared for all your basic phone and computer functions. These have been printed out, and are also available on our internal website. We will go over them again shortly. So in future if anyone calls in to Helpdesk with a problem that could have been fixed by reading and following these instructions, we will personally staple another copy to your forehead and you will have to wear it round your office until you can recite it word-perfect. So are we paying attention? Good! Let's begin..."


And despite this warning, we do still get people calling in with dumb-and-dumber problems...
Your helldesk needs to start charging BUs for trivial calls. I've found this works wonders.
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Old 13th October 2022, 08:13 AM   #1516
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Originally Posted by catsmate View Post
Your helldesk needs to start charging BUs for trivial calls. I've found this works wonders.
Oh hell, yes. This came up a few times on ITIL course.
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Old 13th October 2022, 03:45 PM   #1517
Norman Alexander
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Originally Posted by catsmate View Post
Your helldesk needs to start charging BUs for trivial calls. I've found this works wonders.
Meh, it's a large hospital. IT is "paid for already". Charging BU's leads to angry surgeons. Bad vibes...
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Old 13th October 2022, 05:59 PM   #1518
arthwollipot
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We sometimes get people asking us how much certain services will cost. Our standard response is that this is well above our pay grade.
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Old 14th October 2022, 11:42 AM   #1519
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Originally Posted by Wudang View Post
Oh hell, yes. This came up a few times on ITIL course.
I've included this in projects.

Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
We sometimes get people asking us how much certain services will cost. Our standard response is that this is well above our pay grade.
When I've implemented managed solutions everything not specifically included is billed for. BU heads get software deployment approvals that list the cost to their BU.
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Old 19th October 2022, 05:54 PM   #1520
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*facepalm*

I just had a consult with one of our T1s - reasonably new but not that new. He said that his caller was having problems with his internet connection - Teams meetings kept dropping out.

So I asked, is this a problem with Teams then?

No, I don't think it's Teams, I think it's their internet connection.

Their internet connection, like, going to external internet sites in the browser?

No, their teams meeting.

That's not their internet connection, that's just their local LAN connection. We can't do Teams with external people over the internet.

I'm still not sure he understood. I've heard this from callers too. It's like "internet" starts at their ethernet port.
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