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Tags mars , science humor , zombies

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Old 17th January 2021, 08:14 PM   #1
shemp
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Could zombies exist on Mars?

First, a disclaimer: I do not actually think that there are zombies presently on Mars.

But, if there were zombies, could they exist on Mars? I mean, if zombies are already dead, do they still need air, water and food? If they don't need these, then zombies could exist on Mars.

I think we need answers to this question before we send people to Mars. If mankind eventually builds colonies on Mars, we need to protect them from the possibility of dead colonists rising from their graves and eating peoples' brains. I don't think NASA is doing the kind of research necessary to answer this, and that President Biden and the Democratically-controlled Congress need to fund the crucially-important research that pro-zombie Republicans have been blocking for years. I for one would not want to go to Mars if I had to worry about being eaten by zombies roaming around the Martian desert and attacking people inside the colony!
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Last edited by shemp; 17th January 2021 at 08:15 PM.
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Old 17th January 2021, 08:29 PM   #2
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A1: Yes.

A2: No.
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Old 17th January 2021, 09:36 PM   #3
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They would get eaten by the spiders.
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Old 17th January 2021, 10:19 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Captain_Swoop View Post
They would get eaten by the spiders.
No, spiders are on the moon. I saw it on DoctorWho.
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Old 17th January 2021, 10:29 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
First, a disclaimer: I do not actually think that there are zombies presently on Mars.

But, if there were zombies, could they exist on Mars? I mean, if zombies are already dead, do they still need air, water and food? If they don't need these, then zombies could exist on Mars.

I think we need answers to this question before we send people to Mars. If mankind eventually builds colonies on Mars, we need to protect them from the possibility of dead colonists rising from their graves and eating peoples' brains. I don't think NASA is doing the kind of research necessary to answer this, and that President Biden and the Democratically-controlled Congress need to fund the crucially-important research that pro-zombie Republicans have been blocking for years. I for one would not want to go to Mars if I had to worry about being eaten by zombies roaming around the Martian desert and attacking people inside the colony!

Would these be slow zombies or fast zombies?
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Old 17th January 2021, 11:12 PM   #6
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We all know that Martian disintegrator rays are far more efficient than earth made ones, so they'd clean up their zombies in short order.
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Old 17th January 2021, 11:16 PM   #7
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The Zombies have been on Mars since 1964. Rod Argent was looking for a girl but she's not there.
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Old 18th January 2021, 12:01 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Captain_Swoop View Post
They would get eaten by the spiders.
They're the spiders from Mars. That means they're not there any more, they're somewhere else. Duh.

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Old 18th January 2021, 12:50 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
I don't think NASA is doing the kind of research necessary to answer this,
You're wrong!

https://climate.nasa.gov/blog/1059/t...lypse-is-nigh/

Just do what a lot of people do and stop at the headline. You don't need to actually read the articles to be informed /nods
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Old 18th January 2021, 02:22 AM   #10
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Zombies can't exist anywhere.

Mars is a place included in "anywhere".

No, zombies can't exist on Mars.
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Old 18th January 2021, 03:52 AM   #11
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Maybe they live in the Pyramids
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Old 18th January 2021, 04:07 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Lukraak_Sisser View Post
We all know that Martian disintegrator rays are far more efficient than earth made ones, so they'd clean up their zombies in short order.
Martian disintegrator rays are ineffective. When used, it disintegrates.

And, brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.

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I AGREE
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Old 18th January 2021, 04:11 AM   #13
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Yes, but their eyes would pop out like in Total Recall.
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Old 18th January 2021, 04:18 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Captain_Swoop View Post
Maybe they live in the Pyramids
Pyramids are full of grain storage like the Bible says. They wouldn't have room for zombies. You have to think logical. Don't just believe all this nonsense about spiders on Mars when we know it is lizard vampires from underground interruption momentum formulas generating holistic quantum perceptions of communist copper wristbands bearing secret symbols of the coming of a legislative bill directing a minor change in funding on a program that nobody has heard of that only has a small affect on the amount paid on a federal contract to a single company for a limited period of a few months.
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Old 18th January 2021, 05:07 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by DevilsAdvocate View Post
Martian disintegrator rays are ineffective. When used, it disintegrates.

And, brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.

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Yes, but that's the *earth* version.
The martian version worked, even against zombies with a disintegration proof vest.
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Old 18th January 2021, 07:15 AM   #16
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Only in the movies. https://m.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi1046...ef_=m_tt_ov_vi
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Old 18th January 2021, 11:19 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
First, a disclaimer: I do not actually think that there are zombies presently on Mars.

But, if there were zombies, could they exist on Mars? I mean, if zombies are already dead, do they still need air, water and food? If they don't need these, then zombies could exist on Mars.
....
Wait. Don't zombies need food? Isn't that why they're always chasing and eating members of non-zombie community?
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Old 18th January 2021, 11:34 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by RolandRat View Post

A couple years ago both the CDC and FEMA were urging people to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Their point was that preparing for an attack by the "living impaired" -- stockpiling supplies, making family plans, etc. -- is also good prep for hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.
https://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthma...ie-apocalypse/
https://www.ready.gov/community-prep...mbie-awareness
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Old 18th January 2021, 11:46 AM   #19
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Zombie Tardigrades, of course!
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Old 18th January 2021, 04:10 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Bob001 View Post
A couple years ago both the CDC and FEMA were urging people to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Their point was that preparing for an attack by the "living impaired" -- stockpiling supplies, making family plans, etc. -- is also good prep for hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.
https://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthma...ie-apocalypse/
https://www.ready.gov/community-prep...mbie-awareness
That's actually kinda cool. Although I do think that the people who would actually prepare for a zombie apocalypse may not be the kind of people to act rationally in any other sort of disaster.
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Old 18th January 2021, 09:04 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Bob001 View Post
Wait. Don't zombies need food? Isn't that why they're always chasing and eating members of non-zombie community?
Maybe they just like the taste?
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Old 18th January 2021, 09:50 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Bob001 View Post
Wait. Don't zombies need food? Isn't that why they're always chasing and eating members of non-zombie community?
Zombies do require a steady supply of braaaaaiiiiins.
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Old 22nd January 2021, 04:33 PM   #23
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My hunch is that even while zombies are dead, their bodies still consist of bones, cartilage, muscles even, etc, and that they need and employ these for their motion (and commotion). Now I am not an expert on Mars, but doesn't it get awfully cold on Mars' surface, at night at least, on account of larger distance to sun, less of an atmosphere to trap sunlight, and lack of oceans to moderate temperatures? So that would mean the Zombies would have to expend an awful lot of energy to keep from freezing - difficult to do when you are dead. I don't think frozen Zombies are much of a threat.
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Old 22nd January 2021, 04:39 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Bob001 View Post
Wait. Don't zombies need food? Isn't that why they're always chasing and eating members of non-zombie community?
This is why zombies eat brains:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPc7c4W6btY
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Old 22nd January 2021, 04:47 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
But, if there were zombies, could they exist on Mars?
Depends. There are multiple kinds of zombies. Zombies which are truly dead, but reanimated by dark magic, do not need any of the normal life sustaining things humans need. They could exist on mars, BUT, they would have to be freeze dried first, or the cold temperatures would immobilize them as water in their flesh freezes.

Other zombies, such as those caused by viral infection and other nonmagical means, are not truly dead. They still require biological processes, and they would not survive on Mars.

The biggest thing that zombie stories get wrong, though, is that zombie hordes on earth cannot last. They will always and inevitably be destroyed, in a matter of weeks if not days. What from, you might ask?

Insects. Insects will devour zombie hordes, and pretty quickly.
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Old 23rd January 2021, 12:58 AM   #26
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It's not zombies you should be worrying about on mars but razor killer robots.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCH8...MxaRthD39K_51p
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