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Old 29th August 2008, 01:44 PM   #1
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Who Wins the Prayer Battle?

As we all know a hurricane is heading towards the Gulf of Mexico.

The good believers in New Orleans are praying that it misses their city, but the good people of Houston are praying that it misses them.

How does god decide where to send the hurricane? Does it depend on the number of prayers from each city? The quality of the prayers? The originality of the prayers?
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Old 29th August 2008, 02:51 PM   #2
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Possible answers:

1) Based on the number of virgins sacrificed, of course.
2) Towards whichever city has the most homosexuals.
3) Wherever Chuck Norris tells him to send it.
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Old 29th August 2008, 02:54 PM   #3
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They both win. It hits Morgan City. Of course, New Orleans gets soaked, too, but what else is new.

The big winner in this hurricane is Austin, which gets a visit from me as a result.
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Old 29th August 2008, 03:32 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
How does god decide where to send the hurricane? Does it depend on the number of prayers from each city? The quality of the prayers? The originality of the prayers?
This pre-supposes that God is sending the hurricane and that He plans to deviate it at some point. Why?
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Old 30th August 2008, 09:16 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
This pre-supposes that God is sending the hurricane and that He plans to deviate it at some point. Why?
No, those 2 items have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Since god supposedly can control everything on earth he can certainly control the hurricane no matter who sent it. If he can't control its path why are all these people praying to him for it to miss them? If he can't control it who are they praying to?

If he won't deviate the path of the hurricane because he has a plan then why are these people praying?
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Old 30th August 2008, 09:26 AM   #6
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How does god decide where to send the hurricane? Does it depend on the number of prayers from each city? The quality of the prayers? The originality of the prayers?
Conveniently, God works in mysterious ways. Just like the weather.
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Old 30th August 2008, 09:29 AM   #7
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If they both win, it'll hit San Francisco...better get the umbrella out.
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Old 30th August 2008, 09:31 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
This pre-supposes that God is sending the hurricane and that He plans to deviate it at some point. Why?
Well, that shows an immense ability to miss the point, and the question.
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Old 30th August 2008, 11:22 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
This pre-supposes that God is sending the hurricane and that He plans to deviate it at some point. Why?
Rob,

Rob, Rob, Rob...

God is pissed, Rob. He's all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, and he is pissed. He's an angry, vengeful god, Rob. Compassionate and vengeful, he's sending this hurricane, on purpose, to smite somebody who deserves to be smitten, much as he smote people who deserved to be smitten time and time again as recorded in his best-selling book. People are praying so god will spare them his compassionate, all-knowing, much-feared-by-all-who-know-and-love-him, wrath. It's a perfect wrath. God's plan is perfect, Rob. People are praying to talk him out of his perfect plan, which angers him and cracks him up. Eternity is a long time, Rob, and god's got to find entertainment where he can. God may choose to deviate from his perfect plan, though. He's a capricious, whimsical, all-powerful, loving, vengeful god who has been known to smite somebody on a bet, as recorded in his best-selling book.
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Old 30th August 2008, 12:04 PM   #10
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How does god decide where to send the hurricane?
According to Chaos Theory, God listens to the prayers of butterflies.
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Old 30th August 2008, 05:25 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
How does god decide where to send the hurricane? Does it depend on the number of prayers from each city? The quality of the prayers? The originality of the prayers?
It is common knowledge (in the Bible) that Yahweh likes barbeque. So find out which city has the best BBQ - and the other city will be destroyed. So let it be written - So let it be done.
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Old 30th August 2008, 05:53 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by triadboy View Post
It is common knowledge (in the Bible) that Yahweh likes barbeque. So find out which city has the best BBQ - and the other city will be destroyed. So let it be written - So let it be done.
Oh no! Have you ever heard people argue about BBQ? Pork vs. beef vs. chicken, Texas vs. Memphis vs. Kansas City vs. North Carolina, wet vs. dry rub....

This will make the Crusades and the Inquisition look like friendly disagreements.
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Old 30th August 2008, 07:47 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
As we all know a hurricane is heading towards the Gulf of Mexico.

The good believers in New Orleans are praying that it misses their city, but the good people of Houston are praying that it misses them.

How does god decide where to send the hurricane? Does it depend on the number of prayers from each city? The quality of the prayers? The originality of the prayers?
You left out other groups completely:

Those who are praying for destruction to occur as God's vengeanace on the evillll peoplessss, and the Rapture Ready Retards who are really just praying for it to hit and kill anything whatsoever as this will be the proof that they are looking for that the Rapture is nigh.

Norm
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Old 30th August 2008, 09:56 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Dunstan View Post
Possible answers:

1) Based on the number of virgins sacrificed, of course.
2) Towards whichever city has the most homosexuals.
3) Wherever Chuck Norris tells him to send it.
Where's option #4 from the conspiracist folks?

4) Towards whichever city the Japanese mobsters who have a hurricane/weather control machine decide it should go?
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Old 31st August 2008, 07:46 AM   #15
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God works in the same way as US government support so the worst hit will be the one with the largest black population.
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Old 31st August 2008, 07:50 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by wolves_skeptic View Post
God works in the same way as US government support so the worst hit will be the one with the largest black population.
So are you saying that god hates blacks?
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Old 31st August 2008, 08:38 AM   #17
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I know this is a long shot but shouldn't the hurricane disappear in a puff of fairy dust or something if people are praying for it to go away.

Logically, praying it hits someone else would be bad and naughty and therefore is bound to get the reverse response. The only right answer is for the hurricane to stop in its tracks do a short waltz (or polka) and then expire far out at sea.
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Old 31st August 2008, 11:34 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
So are you saying that god hates blacks?
Errrr not quite.
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Old 31st August 2008, 11:36 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Nogbad View Post
I know this is a long shot but shouldn't the hurricane disappear in a puff of fairy dust or something if people are praying for it to go away.

Logically, praying it hits someone else would be bad and naughty and therefore is bound to get the reverse response. The only right answer is for the hurricane to stop in its tracks do a short waltz (or polka) and then expire far out at sea.
What will be weird is that if it does cause any damage then people will pray to God to help them recover from the disaster.

This must, of course, be a completely different God to the one that sent the hurricane in the first place.
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Old 31st August 2008, 11:45 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by wolves_skeptic View Post
What will be weird is that if it does cause any damage then people will pray to God to help them recover from the disaster.

This must, of course, be a completely different God to the one that sent the hurricane in the first place.

Nah-- Same god, different mood--
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Old 31st August 2008, 01:23 PM   #21
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Silly people. God is letting Conde get an effective Israeli/Palestinian peace agreement in the next couple months and giving Bush a second chance to respond to a New Orleans hurricane disaster. God likes Bush and hated to see him go out with such a bad record.
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Old 31st August 2008, 01:34 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by paximperium View Post
If they both win, it'll hit San Francisco...better get the umbrella out.
Given the number of cock-ups I've had booking my holiday, that would probably be about right.
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Old 31st August 2008, 02:11 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Dunstan View Post
Possible answers:

1) Based on the number of virgins sacrificed, of course.
2) Towards whichever city has the most homosexuals.
3) Wherever Chuck Norris tells him to send it.
1- Houston probably has more virgins available for sacrifice, but depending upon how you define 'sacricing virgins' NO has been building up a steady supply of such sacrifices for years, this may be the time to cash them in.

2- NO wins, based entirely on the age old saying 'there ain't nothin' in Texas but Steers & ...."

3- Depends upon how frisky Chuck is feeling, he may very well be looking forward to tussling with Gustav mano a mano.

So my advice is for the good folks in Houston to get ready for Gustav
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Old 1st September 2008, 04:58 AM   #24
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So far, the funniest comment from a guy on the news - "Many are saying Gustav proves there is a god, since the Republican National Convention is being affected."
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Old 2nd September 2008, 08:40 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
If he won't deviate the path of the hurricane because he has a plan then why are these people praying?
Because they think they understand the nature of God. They believe that He is like them, and that if they show enough devotion (i.e. begging) He will take pity and spare them.

Originally Posted by Lonewulf View Post
Well, that shows an immense ability to miss the point, and the question.
Does it? Not my intention. I didnt realize questioning the premise was missing the point.

Unless the point was disparaging of those folk who are blindly praying and believe they understand the nature of both God and the physical environment.

Originally Posted by gentlehorse View Post
God may choose to deviate from his perfect plan, though. He's a capricious, whimsical, all-powerful, loving, vengeful god who has been known to smite somebody on a bet, as recorded in his best-selling book.
Nice.

You dont have a shred of proof for this, but its a nice interpretation.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 03:13 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
Nice.
Thanks!

Quote:
You dont have a shred of proof for this, but its a nice interpretation.
Right. Quite right. You're bloody well right. It's difficult. It's hard. I can't find my shred. Oh, that's right! I don't have a shred because it's difficult to prove the attributes of an entity when there is no evidence that the entity in question (that would be god, Rob) exists.

By the way-- You missed the point again. Missed it-- Whoosh-- (the sound of it going by as you missed it--) You-- point-- missed--
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Old 3rd September 2008, 05:44 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by Rob Roy
Originally Posted by gentlehorse
God may choose to deviate from his perfect plan, though. He's a capricious, whimsical, all-powerful, loving, vengeful god who has been known to smite somebody on a bet, as recorded in his best-selling book.
Nice.

You don’t have a shred of proof for this, but it’s a nice interpretation.
........

Wow.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 06:40 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
Who Wins the Prayer Battle?
Whoever collects the most prayers. Well duh!!
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Old 3rd September 2008, 08:09 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by gentlehorse View Post
By the way-- You missed the point again. Missed it-- Whoosh-- (the sound of it going by as you missed it--) You-- point-- missed--
Hmmm . . . I had thought you were being facetious, and I replied in kind. If that's not the case, then apologies.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 10:18 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
Hmmm . . . I had thought you were being facetious, and I replied in kind. If that's not the case, then apologies.
Yeah, I was joking around. Being silly-- And kind of being a jerk, too--

Apologies back at ya--
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Old 3rd September 2008, 10:37 AM   #31
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So Rob, it seems we finally agree on something; praying to god is an exercise in futility.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 11:29 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
So Rob, it seems we finally agree on something; praying to god is an exercise in futility.
Yeppers, prayers for personal gain are futile.

Now, I have heard that the mindset for prayers can actually be calming and help decision making, even help in the healing process.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 12:02 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
Yeppers, prayers for personal gain are futile.
Trim three words from that, and I'd agree with it completely.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 12:39 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Lonewulf View Post
Trim three words from that, and I'd agree with it completely.
No thanks.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 12:41 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
No thanks.
Oh, that wasn't a command. Sorry if I gave that impression.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 12:55 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by gentlehorse View Post
Rob,

Rob, Rob, Rob...

God is pissed, Rob. He's all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, and he is pissed. He's an angry, vengeful god, Rob. Compassionate and vengeful, he's sending this hurricane, on purpose, to smite somebody who deserves to be smitten, much as he smote people who deserved to be smitten time and time again as recorded in his best-selling book. People are praying so god will spare them his compassionate, all-knowing, much-feared-by-all-who-know-and-love-him, wrath. It's a perfect wrath. God's plan is perfect, Rob. People are praying to talk him out of his perfect plan, which angers him and cracks him up. Eternity is a long time, Rob, and god's got to find entertainment where he can. God may choose to deviate from his perfect plan, though. He's a capricious, whimsical, all-powerful, loving, vengeful god who has been known to smite somebody on a bet, as recorded in his best-selling book.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 01:58 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Lonewulf View Post
Oh, that wasn't a command. Sorry if I gave that impression.
Oh, I didn't think it was. I took it as a request. One that I rejected.
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Old 3rd September 2008, 09:54 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
Oh, I didn't think it was. I took it as a request. One that I rejected.
Well, you would.
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Old 4th September 2008, 08:14 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by Lonewulf View Post
Well, you would.
So would you!
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Old 4th September 2008, 08:31 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by RobRoy View Post
So would you!
So would I what?
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