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Tags CT humor , Kim Jong-Il

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Old 18th December 2011, 10:21 PM   #1
LightinDarkness
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Because You Know Its Coming: The Kim Jung Il Conspiracies

You just know the tinfoil hat brigade is going to have a field day with the news about the death of Kim Jung Il. Over on GLP and ATS the kooks are ready dreaming up grand conspiracies, but nothing beyond their normal stupidity so far. If anyone happens to find any of them particularly hilarious and over the top, let us know.
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Old 18th December 2011, 10:27 PM   #2
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I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread....led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.
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Old 18th December 2011, 11:22 PM   #3
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He was killed because he demanded too much to be in Team America II.
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Old 18th December 2011, 11:33 PM   #4
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Old 19th December 2011, 12:24 AM   #5
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No conspiracies so far - well, except for the killed by Team America over the re:boot of their franchise.
But, hey, ding, dong the bitch is dead!!! Good riddance/bad rubbish and may his son and guards go with him soonest!!
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Old 19th December 2011, 12:33 AM   #6
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Eventually it will be America's fault.
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Old 19th December 2011, 05:54 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by robrob View Post
eventually it will be america's the jews fault.
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Old 19th December 2011, 10:46 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Obviousman View Post
I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread....led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.

Yeah, I know; that's one of the reasons I don't post there very often anymore.
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Old 19th December 2011, 10:58 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Obviousman View Post
I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread....led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.
Well it doesn't have much to do with astronomy, does it?
You should have suggested that his son bashed in his head with a meteorite.
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Old 19th December 2011, 11:30 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by mercatormac View Post
Well it doesn't have much to do with astronomy, does it?
You should have suggested that his son bashed in his head with a meteorite.

A much better idea: The Chinese whacked him because he found out they're planning to fake a moon mission and they were afraid he'd talk.
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Old 19th December 2011, 12:51 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by SpitfireIX View Post
A much better idea: The Chinese whacked him because he found out they're planning to fake a moon mission and they were afraid he'd talk.


No, no, he was planning his own fake moon mission, and they didn't want him making mistakes that would be obviously different from the mistakes they planned to make.

When dealing with NK, the crazier, the better.
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Old 19th December 2011, 12:52 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Horatius View Post
No, no, he was planning his own fake moon mission, and they didn't want him making mistakes that would be obviously different from the mistakes they planned to make.

When dealing with NK, the crazier, the better.

You're right. That's even better.
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Old 19th December 2011, 01:08 PM   #13
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It's all Hans Brix's fault, anyway.

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Old 19th December 2011, 01:24 PM   #14
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Since Kim Jong Il was the largest single purchaser of Hennessy, it was a faked death so that he could hang out and drink with Tupac (who also faked his death for Hennessy drinking purposes).
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Old 19th December 2011, 02:22 PM   #15
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While I don't believe there is a conspiracy about Kim Jung Il's death - speculation on his health have been circulating for several years now.

However, if I were to make a conspiracy theory, I think James has hit the nail on the head

Originally Posted by JamesB View Post
He was killed because he demanded too much to be in Team America II.
News reports indicate that he was on the verge of signing an agreement resolving tensions and accessing increased deliveries of food aid. As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world - any signs of a rapprochement to the rest of the world has to be fought.

Even in Australia we use the "threat" of nuclear attack from North Korea to integrate ourselves into America's satellite defence system. The military-industrial complex can not survive without exciting wicked villains and their viability and villain-ness has to be protected at all costs. And any North Korea that shows even the slightest signs of abandoning role assigned to that country must be ruthlessly eliminated - if nothing more than to encourage the others.
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Old 19th December 2011, 02:42 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by A Laughing Baby View Post
Since Kim Jong Il was the largest single purchaser of Hennessy, it was a faked death so that he could hang out and drink with Tupac (who also faked his death for Hennessy drinking purposes).
Oooh, I like that one.
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Old 19th December 2011, 07:34 PM   #17
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He's filming in an undisclosed location:

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Old 19th December 2011, 08:55 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by little grey rabbit View Post
While I don't believe there is a conspiracy about Kim Jung Il's death - speculation on his health have been circulating for several years now.

However, if I were to make a conspiracy theory, I think James has hit the nail on the head

News reports indicate that he was on the verge of signing an agreement resolving tensions and accessing increased deliveries of food aid. As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world - any signs of a rapprochement to the rest of the world has to be fought.

Even in Australia we use the "threat" of nuclear attack from North Korea to integrate ourselves into America's satellite defence system. The military-industrial complex can not survive without exciting wicked villains and their viability and villain-ness has to be protected at all costs. And any North Korea that shows even the slightest signs of abandoning role assigned to that country must be ruthlessly eliminated - if nothing more than to encourage the others.
Uhhh. No. Just no. Best Korea hasn't demonstrated that they have missiles with enough range to even come close to that, much less that they have developed a warhead capable of being mounted on a ballistic missile.

Australia's biggest worry on that front would probably be China (and maybe India although that's not very likely at all), not North Korea. Australia's sphere of influence over the South Pacific and the Indian Ocean are the only reason why they would even be a target in the first place. During the Cold War they were a target of the Soviets only because of their ability to support their allies naval warships not unlike what happened in WWII.

Best Korea has no blue water navy to speak of and other than some oil tankers that skirt through northern Indonesia there's nothing of vital importance to them even close to Australia.
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Old 19th December 2011, 09:19 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by little grey rabbit View Post
As North Korea serves a very important functional role in the international system - that of the dangerous unpredictable nuclear power, capable of delivering nuclear missiles to half the world
What, by boat?
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Old 20th December 2011, 02:19 AM   #20
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I have proof that it was inside job. From the NY Times,
Quote:
Kim Jong-il, the enigmatic North Korean leader, died on a train at 8:30 a.m. Saturday in his country. Forty-eight hours later, officials in South Korea still did not know anything about it — to say nothing of Washington, where the State Department acknowledged “press reporting” of Mr. Kim’s death well after North Korean state media had already announced it.
What more proof do you that it was an inside job than when the State Department says they were taken by surprise? In fact, it's the only proof you need. And any other facts that are presented to the contrary are clearly fake.
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Old 20th December 2011, 03:34 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am View Post
Uhhh. No. Just no. Best Korea hasn't demonstrated that they have missiles with enough range to even come close to that, much less that they have developed a warhead capable of being mounted on a ballistic missile.

Australia's biggest worry on that front would probably be China (and maybe India although that's not very likely at all), not North Korea. Australia's sphere of influence over the South Pacific and the Indian Ocean are the only reason why they would even be a target in the first place. During the Cold War they were a target of the Soviets only because of their ability to support their allies naval warships not unlike what happened in WWII.

Best Korea has no blue water navy to speak of and other than some oil tankers that skirt through northern Indonesia there's nothing of vital importance to them even close to Australia.
Well it goes without saying that the threat from North Korea is utterly bogus but the threat that North Korea could launch a nuclear attack on Australia, no matter how ludicrous, has been used to garner popular support for increasing our military alliance with the US. Crazy I know, but a good deal less crazy than flying two drones into your own skyscrapers.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/new...-1226147302540

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/nati...-1226140385838

Quote:
AUSTRALIA is working with the US on ways to destroy incoming ballistic missiles because of the possibility of North Korea developing a missile that could reach Australia, Defence Minister Stephen Smith says.

"On some calculations, if successful, North Korean ballistic missile delivery systems, at their outer reach, could reach Australia," he told The Australian.
Over the years there have been dozens of such stories. Now I am not disputing for a moment that it is complete nonsense, rather I was saying that the North Korea bogeyman is vital for the smooth functioning of the global post-USSR system of international relations, necessary to allow the uninterrupted expansion of the media-military-industrial complex and an all round a good thing for everybody except the North Koreans (and doubtless a handful of others whom we can safely ignore when we think of all those good American manufacturing jobs they are helping to maintain).

Hence any signs of a rapprochement would have to be snuffed out.


Economically we just can't afford to do without the North Korean threat, unless (hypothetically) we were to invent an invasion fleet of aliens lurking just around the corner.
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Old 20th December 2011, 01:43 PM   #22
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The DPRK's Taepo Dong 2 missile probably has the range to hit the northern part of Australia. Depending on the configuration and payload, it would have a probable range up to 10,000 km.
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Old 20th December 2011, 01:45 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by little grey rabbit View Post
Economically we just can't afford to do without the North Korean threat, unless (hypothetically) we were to invent an invasion fleet of aliens lurking just around the corner.
Good god, you really don't know anything about Australian defence doctrine, do you?
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Old 20th December 2011, 01:54 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Obviousman View Post
Good god, you really don't know anything about Australian defence doctrine, do you?
You mean our defence doctrine ALREADY revolves around an alien invasion fleet lurking just around the corner!!!!!??

Of course it wouldn't surprise me, but I haven't seen any positive evidence of it in the public sphere.

Although I should point out the economics of the necessity of retaining the North Korean threat really applies to the USA, the Australian economy is differently constructed.

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Old 20th December 2011, 07:42 PM   #25
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All I would say is Birthers, truthers, "insertwordhere'ers, watch out, In one Year Obama has bumbed off Osama, Gadaffi, and now little Kim*. thats a trifecta of Awesome.

* yes, he was only responsible for one of the three, but thats what "they" want you to think
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Old 20th December 2011, 08:07 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by SpitfireIX View Post
A much better idea: The Chinese whacked him because he found out they're planning to fake a moon mission and they were afraid he'd talk.

He already faked a moon landing. Six times.
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Old 20th December 2011, 09:09 PM   #27
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In fact, you can probably count on it. There was a conspiracy theory that Kim Il-Sung had been knocked off by his son because Kim Sr had decided to reform North Korea and open up to the West after the Soviet Union collapsed.

Anyway, he had a heart attack or a stroke, IIRC while he was in some remote location and the helicopter (s?) sent to rescue him crashed.

And then apparently the rescue operations were hugely delayed or something like that and Kim Jong-il benefitted so he must have done it.

The counter-argument is that he was an 80-something year old ailing man who smoke and drank and he lived in a country where almost nothing works properly thanks to his misrule.
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Old 21st December 2011, 12:53 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Obviousman View Post
I got shut down at BAUT for suggesting one:

http://www.bautforum.com/showthread....led-by-his-son

My theory isn't even that far-fetched, just baseless.

They're no fun anymore at BAUT.
You got shut down at BAUT because your CT had nothing to do with space programs or UFOs.

You make it sound like you never actually read the rules or requirements of that forum.
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Old 21st December 2011, 01:05 AM   #29
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What do you consider a conspiracy theory? We literally have no idea if Kim Jong-Il died the way they said he did. For all we know, this is a coup on the part of Chang Sung-taek or the North Korean military. Surely the skeptic community isn't taking a KCNA report at face value, are they?
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Old 21st December 2011, 06:00 AM   #30
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Quote:
madfoot
This message is hidden because madfoot is on your ignore list.
Just to let you know that I'm not being rude, but I don't read anything you post.

But the real point of this is to say...courtesy of our Canadian Truther hero Joshua Blakeney,
Benjamin Fulford: Kim Jong-il Murdered as Part of Major Asian Power Battle
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Old 21st December 2011, 07:21 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Obviousman View Post
The DPRK's Taepo Dong 2 missile probably has the range to hit the northern part of Australia. Depending on the configuration and payload, it would have a probable range up to 10,000 km.
It may have the range, but does it have the accuracy? If my memory serves, the success of their test launches has not been exactly glorious.
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Old 21st December 2011, 07:34 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by madfoot View Post
What do you consider a conspiracy theory? We literally have no idea if Kim Jong-Il died the way they said he did.
No, we don't. However, in this particular case, we also don't have anything that tells us he didn't die of natural causes.

Originally Posted by madfoot View Post
For all we know, this is a coup on the part of Chang Sung-taek or the North Korean military. Surely the skeptic community isn't taking a KCNA report at face value, are they?
As long as a) what they report is possible (and not even very surprising, considering that we know Kim Jong has not been Wel lately) and b) there is no credible conflicting information, then yes, we can take their report as a reasonable starting point -- for now. We'll certainly reassess probabilities if the military top brass disposes of Kim 3.0 and declares rule by a junta, if Kim Jong Il walks to his own funeral on the 28th and KCNA claims he was resurrected, or if he's found on a remote Caribbean island playing poker with Elvis. Being a skeptic doesn't mean you think everyone's trying to BS you all the time.
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Old 21st December 2011, 07:47 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by timhau View Post
No, we don't. However, in this particular case, we also don't have anything that tells us he didn't die of natural causes.


As long as a) what they report is possible (and not even very surprising, considering that we know Kim Jong has not been Wel lately) and b) there is no credible conflicting information, then yes, we can take their report as a reasonable starting point -- for now. We'll certainly reassess probabilities if the military top brass disposes of Kim 3.0 and declares rule by a junta, if Kim Jong Il walks to his own funeral on the 28th and KCNA claims he was resurrected, or if he's found on a remote Caribbean island playing poker with Elvis. Being a skeptic doesn't mean you think everyone's trying to BS you all the time.
To add to this (not that we need to), many news agencies have been in the country as late as 2010 (I can think of CNN off the top of my head, and there were a few others) and reported at that time that all things considered the country seemed to be remarkably stable. There just isn't any evidence - from anyone - that anyone in the regime with he capacity to carry a conspiracy type coup out would do so. Most of the people with any amount of power are all in the family and a handful of 80 year old generals - which one of the is going to make a move that could involve giving up the highly luxurious lifestyle they currently live in.
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Old 21st December 2011, 08:07 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by Scott Sommers View Post
Just to let you know that I'm not being rude, but I don't read anything you post.

But the real point of this is to say...courtesy of our Canadian Truther hero Joshua Blakeney,
Benjamin Fulford: Kim Jong-il Murdered as Part of Major Asian Power Battle


Ah....White Dragon Society, so we meet again!
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Old 21st December 2011, 08:12 AM   #35
Scott Sommers
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Originally Posted by BaaBaa View Post
Ah....White Dragon Society, so we meet again!
You actually read the thing! Wow...I just posted the link. Just think of all that time you wasted reading the conspiracy drivel. And you'll never get it back - ever.
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I've seen it here and in several other places that there is no Illuminati. That doesn't even make sense. There's a Wikipedia entry that talks about it. I'm not saying that everything on Wikipedia is true, but if you read it, it's just really clear how the Illuminati controls the world.
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Old 21st December 2011, 09:27 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by angrysoba View Post
In fact, you can probably count on it. There was a conspiracy theory that Kim Il-Sung had been knocked off by his son because Kim Sr had decided to reform North Korea and open up to the West after the Soviet Union collapsed.

Anyway, he had a heart attack or a stroke, IIRC while he was in some remote location and the helicopter (s?) sent to rescue him crashed.

And then apparently the rescue operations were hugely delayed or something like that and Kim Jong-il benefitted so he must have done it.

The counter-argument is that he was an 80-something year old ailing man who smoke and drank and he lived in a country where almost nothing works properly thanks to his misrule.
They gotta fit Joooos in somehow. I say he had a pacemaker and Israel killed it with a new version of Stuxnet, so NK couldn't supply Israel's enemies with weapons.

Oops, I've said too much again.
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Old 21st December 2011, 09:30 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Scott Sommers View Post
Just to let you know that I'm not being rude, but I don't read anything you post.

But the real point of this is to say...courtesy of our Canadian Truther hero Joshua Blakeney,
Benjamin Fulford: Kim Jong-il Murdered as Part of Major Asian Power Battle
I swear to Jehova that website has to be a big Poe. The hubcap UFO is a dead giveaway.
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Old 21st December 2011, 12:54 PM   #38
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Isn't Benjamin Fulford the same conspiracy kook that says the Illuminati uses genetically engineered ninja's to carry out their plans...yes, I'm serious.
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Old 21st December 2011, 05:41 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by LSSBB View Post
I swear to Jehova that website has to be a big Poe. The hubcap UFO is a dead giveaway.
It's a really weird cite. The 'staff' page look really strange.
http://the2012scenario.com/about/
but the owner, Steve Beckow, has a Facebook account with over 500 notes on it. There are zillions of interviews with him on other whack job websites, as well. Even keeping this running as a joke would be a full-time job.

His bio states,
Quote:
Steve has written around 20 books
which is strange. How many is it? I can't seem to find any of them, either, unless he means these book-length web posting.
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I've seen it here and in several other places that there is no Illuminati. That doesn't even make sense. There's a Wikipedia entry that talks about it. I'm not saying that everything on Wikipedia is true, but if you read it, it's just really clear how the Illuminati controls the world.

Last edited by Scott Sommers; 21st December 2011 at 05:57 PM.
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Old 21st December 2011, 07:59 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Scott Sommers View Post
You actually read the thing! Wow...I just posted the link. Just think of all that time you wasted reading the conspiracy drivel. And you'll never get it back - ever.
Naw, I skimmed it, just to see the dramatis personae.
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