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Old 3rd May 2017, 02:22 PM   #2561
halleyscomet
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Originally Posted by GuitKitty View Post
Um, do I have to be witty and/or funny in order to testify to the DropBear Epistle? I did have a beer with dinner last night, so that can't hurt, right? I mean, with the whole witnessing thing?


I'd say that counts.
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Old 3rd May 2017, 03:46 PM   #2562
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So ... what are you looking for? A mere statement that I'm aware the DropBear Epistle exists? Or do you need a written affidavit signed in red ink by seven Hobbit lawyers swearing that I've seen the original parchment / gold plates / tissue paper upon which it was written and which, if proven false, would be considered equivalent to perjury?

Also, am I at risk of suffering the same fate as the original three witnesses?
Two of them were excommunicated.
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Old 3rd May 2017, 04:20 PM   #2563
halleyscomet
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Originally Posted by Blue Mountain View Post
So ... what are you looking for? A mere statement that I'm aware the DropBear Epistle exists? Or do you need a written affidavit signed in red ink by seven Hobbit lawyers swearing that I've seen the original parchment / gold plates / tissue paper upon which it was written and which, if proven false, would be considered equivalent to perjury?



Also, am I at risk of suffering the same fate as the original three witnesses?

Two of them were excommunicated.


I think all I really need is a statement on par with the BoM witnesses. Having seen the tablets in a "vision" by whatever definition of that term you prefer is sufficient. Since the Dropbear Epistle has no prohibition on alcohol or "hot drinks" your definition of "vision" has considerable flexibility.

As far as excommunication goes, this is a fresh translation of a historical document. I doubt the religious folks who believe the shoddily translated and heavily redacted "Book of Mormon" as it is known today will accept my superior and more accurate translation. Someone may accept the truth of it's superior accuracy, but I doubt there will be a correlation between the document's original witnesses and anyone who forms a religion around it.
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Old 3rd May 2017, 05:24 PM   #2564
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OK, there used to be a large population of Dropbears here, and they instinctively knew not to eat Australians. For example, seeing somebody eating a 4'nTwenty Pie, or putting a shrimp on the Barbie, or wearing a hat with corks hanging down from it, or picking your nose = they really knew not to touch these people, and only went for the foreign Tourists.

(For foreign tourists, showering in Wombat urine was said to reduce the chance of attack, and reduce the chance of doing anything much at all)

Unfortunately (for the Dropbears) they became close to extinct when the Yowies discovered how delicious they were, and killed of 96.2% of the population. The remaining Dropbears live in isolation and tiny groups, feeding mainly off backpackers.

Norm
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Old 3rd May 2017, 09:51 PM   #2565
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Originally Posted by Zivan View Post
Having a beer definitely helps the whole witnessing thing!

Now there are four witnesses!


Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!
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Old 3rd May 2017, 10:03 PM   #2566
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Originally Posted by Border Reiver View Post
Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!


Of course your vision was good enough!

And, you even provided an excellent payment plan!
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Old 4th May 2017, 02:47 AM   #2567
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Originally Posted by Border Reiver View Post
Apparently my visions of the drop bears from the north wasn't good enough? That's it! I'll just have to take my spruce beer enhanced visions elsewhere.

Good day to you good people!


Woah, woah, woah now. Let's not be too hasty now, especially when it comes to spruce beer. That's good stuff.
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Old 4th May 2017, 05:59 AM   #2568
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Originally Posted by halleyscomet View Post
I'd say that counts.
Yay! I'm a witness!

Oh, um, I mean, verily, I hath witnessed through the eyes of God the translation of the Dropbear Epistle from the plates of magnesium (*nod the Winter Dropbears*). And so it came to pass that . . . stuff . . . happened. And things.
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Old 4th May 2017, 08:21 AM   #2569
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Originally Posted by GuitKitty View Post
Yay! I'm a witness!

Oh, um, I mean, verily, I hath witnessed through the eyes of God the translation of the Dropbear Epistle from the plates of magnesium (*nod the Winter Dropbears*). And so it came to pass that . . . stuff . . . happened. And things.
Testify!
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Old 4th May 2017, 09:27 AM   #2570
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Originally Posted by halleyscomet View Post
Woah, woah, woah now. Let's not be too hasty now, especially when it comes to spruce beer. That's good stuff.
Especially since the Keeper of the Drop Bear epistles mandates the drinking of fermented beverages and hot drinks.

This is how churches split apart and later reform.
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Old 4th May 2017, 03:18 PM   #2571
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Originally Posted by Border Reiver View Post
Especially since the Keeper of the Drop Bear epistles mandates the drinking of fermented beverages and hot drinks.



This is how churches split apart and later reform.


Mmmm. Mulled wine....
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Old 4th May 2017, 05:12 PM   #2572
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Originally Posted by fromdownunder View Post
OK, there used to be a large population of Dropbears here, and they instinctively knew not to eat Australians. For example, seeing somebody eating a 4'nTwenty Pie, or putting a shrimp on the Barbie, or wearing a hat with corks hanging down from it, or picking your nose = they really knew not to touch these people, and only went for the foreign Tourists.

(For foreign tourists, showering in Wombat urine was said to reduce the chance of attack, and reduce the chance of doing anything much at all)

Unfortunately (for the Dropbears) they became close to extinct when the Yowies discovered how delicious they were, and killed of 96.2% of the population. The remaining Dropbears live in isolation and tiny groups, feeding mainly off backpackers.

Norm
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Old 4th May 2017, 05:21 PM   #2573
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Originally Posted by GuitKitty View Post
Yay! I'm a witness!
Aaah, but are you one of the select 144,000; or just one of the other suckers?
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Old 4th May 2017, 05:57 PM   #2574
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Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
Aaah, but are you one of the select 144,000; or just one of the other suckers?


Oh, that number is just symbolic of there being a LOT of elect. It's like the Aztecs calling the innumerable gods of fermentation the "400 Rabbits." Those numbers looked BIG 2,000 and 3,000 years ago.
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Old 5th May 2017, 05:39 AM   #2575
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Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
Aaah, but are you one of the select 144,000; or just one of the other suckers?
Wait, aren't the 144,000 virgins? Yeah . . . no. Not one of them . . . . Unless I adopt the whole "kept myself spiritually pure" definition of virgin like some on the site.

Actually, even in that case . . . .
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Old 5th May 2017, 07:15 AM   #2576
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Originally Posted by GuitKitty View Post
Wait, aren't the 144,000 virgins? Yeah . . . no. Not one of them . . . . Unless I adopt the whole "kept myself spiritually pure" definition of virgin like some on the site.

Actually, even in that case . . . .
Ahh, just cut it off and have done with it.

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