Did JFK Commit Suicide?

shemp · 20th February 2012, 01:36 PM

Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy

Quote:

Overwhelmingly distraught over the strange death of his mistress Marilyn Monroe 15 months earlier, the Kennedy family's unfortunate ties to the Mafia, his chronic health problems requiring his taking a laundry list of prescription medications, and other stressors, President Kennedy felt he had no choice but to end it all. But how? The nation's chief executive could not be seen taking his own life. The country's image was at stake. It had to have the appearance of an assassination. So casting about for a person who could help, Kennedy settled on Lee Harvey Oswald, a low-level U.S. intelligence operative stuck in a career rut. But this was a big deal. Oswald would risk being caught and accused of killing the president. No small potatoes. So Kennedy promised to arrange his escape and offered to pay him $1.5 million. Oswald agreed and hired an accomplice to help with the plan.

Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it!

ComfySlippers · 20th February 2012, 01:50 PM

So, as usual, rather than choosing to accidentally fall down the stairs or have a fatal accident with a lawn mower- JFK just had to make it a tad more complicated than was necessary.

I don't get why they always do that.

BaaBaa · 20th February 2012, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by shemp

Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy

Seems legit.

saraban · 20th February 2012, 01:55 PM

Here's what happened really

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.

I AGREE

ComfySlippers · 20th February 2012, 02:12 PM

I've laughed so many times in the last few hours.
JREF is a comedy goldmine today.

This thread is a very good example.

Quote:

Did JFK Commit Suicide?

The title of the thread in itself is so wonderfully silly that I think, on seeing it, I might have laid a little brown egg.

It is a comedic masterpiece.

Walter Ego · 20th February 2012, 06:19 PM

The limo driver shot JFK. Proof here.

shemp · 20th February 2012, 09:39 PM

Originally Posted by saraban

Here's what happened really

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.

I AGREE

Laugh if you want, but I have evidence that IT REALLY HAPPENED!!11!

When JFK ordered the moon landing, he also issued a super secret order to NASA to develop a super secret time machine, so that if the moon landing went wrong, he could jump into the time machine, go back in time, and start it all over again!

Well, what nobody in our time line knows is that the moon landing got screwed up (Michael Collins pulled a gun and hijacked Apollo 11 to Cuba), so JFK went back to fix it. However, other things went wrong, so he had to keep going back. Then things got really screwy (Marilyn Monroe was having affairs with 8 different JFKs!), so the JFKs started bumping each other off. What we saw in our time line was actually JFK VII killing JFK IV.

In the end, there could be only one. There's one JFK out there in some other time line. When we reinvent the time machine, we'll find him.

EdipisReks · 21st February 2012, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by saraban

Here's what happened really

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.

I AGREE

that's the first thing i thought of, too. smeg!

Cl1mh4224rd · 21st February 2012, 11:24 AM

The Onion needs to update their article...

KingMerv00 · 21st February 2012, 12:50 PM

Can we assume that Governor Connally and James Tague were merely suffering from a bout of depression induced self-mutilation, then?

Did James Brady suffer from body dysmorphic disorder?

Was Harvey Milk struggling with homophobic feelings?

Brattus · 24th February 2012, 04:17 AM

I am so confused now.

Dcdrac · 24th February 2012, 05:15 AM

It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls

Matthew Best · 24th February 2012, 08:47 AM

Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one.

Kestrel · 24th February 2012, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by Matthew Best

Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one.

Have you ever heard of another school book depository?

The Central Scrutinizer · 24th February 2012, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by shemp

Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy

Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it!

I thought this was common knowledge.

Lucian · 25th February 2012, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by Dcdrac

It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls

A grassy knøll once bit my sister. No realli! She was karving her initials on the knøll with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush....

Belgian thought · 25th February 2012, 12:40 PM

Well he is seen moving his head forward and back expertly catching the bullet... need I say more.

20th February 2012, 01:36 PM	#1
shemp a flimsy character...perfidious and despised Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: People's Democratic Republic of Planet X Posts: 40,920	Did JFK Commit Suicide? Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy Quote: Overwhelmingly distraught over the strange death of his mistress Marilyn Monroe 15 months earlier, the Kennedy family's unfortunate ties to the Mafia, his chronic health problems requiring his taking a laundry list of prescription medications, and other stressors, President Kennedy felt he had no choice but to end it all. But how? The nation's chief executive could not be seen taking his own life. The country's image was at stake. It had to have the appearance of an assassination. So casting about for a person who could help, Kennedy settled on Lee Harvey Oswald, a low-level U.S. intelligence operative stuck in a career rut. But this was a big deal. Oswald would risk being caught and accused of killing the president. No small potatoes. So Kennedy promised to arrange his escape and offered to pay him $1.5 million. Oswald agreed and hired an accomplice to help with the plan. Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it!
	__________________ If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set. "...just as a magnet attracts iron filings, ~~Trump~~ shemp attracts, and is attracted to, louts." - George Will "[shemp is] a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality." - Shakespeare

20th February 2012, 01:55 PM	#3
BaaBaa Semi-literate hench-person Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 1,458	Originally Posted by shemp Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy Seems legit.
	__________________ "Damn, i think you are illeterate"

20th February 2012, 06:19 PM	#6
Walter Ego Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Dixie Posts: 3,377	The limo driver shot JFK. Proof here.
	__________________ The Angry Atheist Podcast #112 with Walter Ego

21st February 2012, 11:24 AM	#9
Cl1mh4224rd Philosopher Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 9,778	The Onion needs to update their article...
Cl1mh4224rd Philosopher Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 9,778

24th February 2012, 04:17 AM	#11
Brattus Guest Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1,290	I am so confused now.
Brattus Guest Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 1,290

20th February 2012, 01:50 PM	#2
ComfySlippers Banned Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Posts: 4,723	So, as usual, rather than choosing to accidentally fall down the stairs or have a fatal accident with a lawn mower- JFK just had to make it a tad more complicated than was necessary. I don't get why they always do that.

20th February 2012, 02:12 PM	#5
ComfySlippers Banned Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Posts: 4,723	I've laughed so many times in the last few hours. JREF is a comedy goldmine today. This thread is a very good example. Quote: Did JFK Commit Suicide? The title of the thread in itself is so wonderfully silly that I think, on seeing it, I might have laid a little brown egg. It is a comedic masterpiece.

21st February 2012, 12:50 PM	#10
KingMerv00 Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 14,458	Can we assume that Governor Connally and James Tague were merely suffering from a bout of depression induced self-mutilation, then? Did James Brady suffer from body dysmorphic disorder? Was Harvey Milk struggling with homophobic feelings?

24th February 2012, 05:15 AM	#12
Dcdrac Philosopher Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 5,141	It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls
Dcdrac Philosopher Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 5,141

24th February 2012, 08:47 AM	#13
Matthew Best Philosopher Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Leicester Square, London Posts: 8,457	Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one.

24th February 2012, 09:01 AM	#14
Kestrel Philosopher Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Colorado Posts: 6,128	Originally Posted by Matthew Best Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one. Have you ever heard of another school book depository?

24th February 2012, 03:07 PM	#15
The Central Scrutinizer Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 53,052	Originally Posted by shemp Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it! I thought this was common knowledge.
	__________________ If I see somebody with a gun on a plane? I'll kill him. Lupus is Lupus tor central scrutineezer

25th February 2012, 12:31 PM	#16
Lucian Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 3,249	Originally Posted by Dcdrac It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls A grassy knøll once bit my sister. No realli! She was karving her initials on the knøll with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush....
Lucian Illuminator Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 3,249	__________________ skepticalhumanities.com virtualskeptics.com

25th February 2012, 12:40 PM	#17
Belgian thought Master Poster Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,315	Well he is seen moving his head forward and back expertly catching the bullet... need I say more.