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Tags CT humor , JFK assassination

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Old 20th February 2012, 01:36 PM   #1
shemp
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Did JFK Commit Suicide?

Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy

Quote:
Overwhelmingly distraught over the strange death of his mistress Marilyn Monroe 15 months earlier, the Kennedy family's unfortunate ties to the Mafia, his chronic health problems requiring his taking a laundry list of prescription medications, and other stressors, President Kennedy felt he had no choice but to end it all. But how? The nation's chief executive could not be seen taking his own life. The country's image was at stake. It had to have the appearance of an assassination. So casting about for a person who could help, Kennedy settled on Lee Harvey Oswald, a low-level U.S. intelligence operative stuck in a career rut. But this was a big deal. Oswald would risk being caught and accused of killing the president. No small potatoes. So Kennedy promised to arrange his escape and offered to pay him $1.5 million. Oswald agreed and hired an accomplice to help with the plan.
Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it!
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Old 20th February 2012, 01:50 PM   #2
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So, as usual, rather than choosing to accidentally fall down the stairs or have a fatal accident with a lawn mower- JFK just had to make it a tad more complicated than was necessary.

I don't get why they always do that.

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Old 20th February 2012, 01:55 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
Seems legit.
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Old 20th February 2012, 01:55 PM   #4
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Here's what happened really

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I AGREE
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Old 20th February 2012, 02:12 PM   #5
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I've laughed so many times in the last few hours.
JREF is a comedy goldmine today.

This thread is a very good example.
Quote:
Did JFK Commit Suicide?
The title of the thread in itself is so wonderfully silly that I think, on seeing it, I might have laid a little brown egg.

It is a comedic masterpiece.
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Old 20th February 2012, 06:19 PM   #6
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The limo driver shot JFK. Proof here.
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Old 20th February 2012, 09:39 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by saraban View Post
Here's what happened really

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I AGREE
Laugh if you want, but I have evidence that IT REALLY HAPPENED!!11!

When JFK ordered the moon landing, he also issued a super secret order to NASA to develop a super secret time machine, so that if the moon landing went wrong, he could jump into the time machine, go back in time, and start it all over again!

Well, what nobody in our time line knows is that the moon landing got screwed up (Michael Collins pulled a gun and hijacked Apollo 11 to Cuba), so JFK went back to fix it. However, other things went wrong, so he had to keep going back. Then things got really screwy (Marilyn Monroe was having affairs with 8 different JFKs!), so the JFKs started bumping each other off. What we saw in our time line was actually JFK VII killing JFK IV.

In the end, there could be only one. There's one JFK out there in some other time line. When we reinvent the time machine, we'll find him.
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Old 21st February 2012, 08:55 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by saraban View Post
Here's what happened really

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I AGREE
that's the first thing i thought of, too. smeg!
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Old 21st February 2012, 11:24 AM   #9
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The Onion needs to update their article...

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Old 21st February 2012, 12:50 PM   #10
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Can we assume that Governor Connally and James Tague were merely suffering from a bout of depression induced self-mutilation, then?

Did James Brady suffer from body dysmorphic disorder?

Was Harvey Milk struggling with homophobic feelings?
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Old 24th February 2012, 04:17 AM   #11
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I am so confused now.
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Old 24th February 2012, 05:15 AM   #12
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It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls
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Old 24th February 2012, 08:47 AM   #13
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Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one.
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Old 24th February 2012, 09:01 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Matthew Best View Post
Yes, but how many other grassy knolls are there in the world? I've only ever heard of this one.
Have you ever heard of another school book depository?
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Old 24th February 2012, 03:07 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
Shocking New Information Emerges About the Death of President Kennedy



Even Barry Bonds was involved! Read all about it!
I thought this was common knowledge.
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Old 25th February 2012, 12:31 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Dcdrac View Post
It was the grassy knoll what done it.......dangerous things grassy knolls
A grassy knøll once bit my sister. No realli! She was karving her initials on the knøll with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush....
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Old 25th February 2012, 12:40 PM   #17
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Well he is seen moving his head forward and back expertly catching the bullet... need I say more.
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