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Tags faith healers , obituaries , oral roberts

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Old 15th December 2009, 02:17 PM   #1
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Oral Roberts is dead.

I always perceived this man to be a charlatan. The people who he was supposed to be healing weren't visibly ill. No amputated limbs ever appeared and no hunchbacks ever had their spine straighted out. No blind people could see no deaf could really hear. He contributed nothing of value to society and hopefully nobody really misses him.
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Old 15th December 2009, 02:33 PM   #2
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who is oral roberts ?
sounds kinky
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Old 15th December 2009, 02:36 PM   #3
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What? No blackmail effort from God this time?
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Old 15th December 2009, 02:46 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Cainkane1 View Post
He contributed nothing of value to society and hopefully nobody really misses him.
While I don't like Roberts, I have to say that this strikes me as overly callous.
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:06 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Pure_Argent View Post
While I don't like Roberts, I have to say that this strikes me as overly callous.
While I do hope his "university" collapses into ruin and his crap based beliefs die with him, his family and friends do miss him.
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:14 PM   #6
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I hope he died peacefully.
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:16 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
who is oral roberts ?
sounds kinky
American televangelist. In '87 he claimed if he did raise $8mil God would call him home.

A co-worker thinks all the money blocked his ears until now.
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:33 PM   #8
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What steps have been taken to make sure he stays dead?
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:35 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Gawdzilla View Post
What steps have been taken to make sure he stays dead?
I would love to see him return as a zombie.
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:39 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
I would love to see him return as a zombie.
You mean "remain", not "return", right?
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Old 15th December 2009, 03:54 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
I would love to see him return as a zombie.
Only Jewish Messiahs can do that and even then it doesn't last
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Old 15th December 2009, 04:06 PM   #12
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The 900 foot tall Jesus came to take him home.
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Old 15th December 2009, 05:02 PM   #13
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My favorite Oral Roberts University tale:

A centerpiece of the campus is the Praying Hands monument, gargantuan praying hands that weigh 30 tons, in a courtyard setting. A freak tornado toppled the hands. Engineers couldn't figure a way to right them again without tearing apart the courtyard walls, at great expense.

Then a mousy little guy showed up and said, "If I can get them up again, without any damage to the courtyard, would you pay me a thousand bucks?"

Impossible, but with nothing to lose, they told the little guy to try. He walked to the edge of the courtyard, took a quarter out of his pocket, and tossed it in an arc over the fallen hands.

And they jumped up to smack closed on the quarter, righting themselves.
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Old 15th December 2009, 05:05 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer View Post
The 900 foot tall Jesus came to take him home.
No. The giant hands did.
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Old 15th December 2009, 06:30 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer View Post
The 900 foot tall Jesus came to take him home.
That was Mecha-Streisand.
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Old 15th December 2009, 07:19 PM   #16
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I once bought one of his albums, but I couldn't play it because the hole healed up.
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Old 15th December 2009, 07:40 PM   #17
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If anyone cares to remember Oral Roberts' activities, Randi's The Faith Healers has a chapter detailing Roberts' "miracles" / faith healing.

Also Ozzy Osbourne donated a dollar to Roberts' ministry so Roberts could get the professional help he needed.

Last edited by Questioninggeller; 15th December 2009 at 07:42 PM.
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Old 15th December 2009, 08:15 PM   #18
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So thats Falwell, now Roberts. Who will be next, Robertson? They have all missed the rapture.
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Old 15th December 2009, 08:39 PM   #19
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I can see the headline in tomorrow mornings paper:

"Jesus Receives Oral"
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Old 15th December 2009, 08:44 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by The Central Scrutinizer View Post
I can see the headline in tomorrow mornings paper:

"Jesus Receives Oral"
I am extremely uncomfortable about celebrating, laughing, or being in any way happy at the death of another human being. But I just couldn't help myself and giggled.
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Old 15th December 2009, 09:45 PM   #21
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Has anyone seen Hitchens on the cable-waves? It's in these situations that he really shines.
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Old 15th December 2009, 09:50 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
who is oral roberts ?
sounds kinky
He certainly sucked his followers dry.
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Old 15th December 2009, 09:53 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Cainkane1 View Post
I always perceived this man to be a charlatan. The people who he was supposed to be healing weren't visibly ill. No amputated limbs ever appeared and no hunchbacks ever had their spine straighted out. No blind people could see no deaf could really hear. He contributed nothing of value to society and hopefully nobody really misses him.
After the morgue enema he will probably fit in the matchbox with Falwell.
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Old 15th December 2009, 09:57 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Pure_Argent View Post
While I don't like Roberts, I have to say that this strikes me as overly callous.
Oral went to meet his god and be happy with him in heaven.

He left behind a multimillion dollar enterprise spewing hate and intolerance.

By their fruits shall ye know them.
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Old 15th December 2009, 10:05 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by paximperium View Post
While I do hope his "university" collapses into ruin and his crap based beliefs die with him, his family and friends do miss him.
Evidence?

His friends now have control over the money and his family is free of his domineering presence and he gets to be happy with god. Looks like win, win and win for the living.
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Old 15th December 2009, 10:13 PM   #26
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WOOOO HOO!

I need the funeral date, a plane ticket, the location of his grave, and a Big Gulp... no, make that SEVERAL Big Gulps.

Ding dong Fellatio Roberts is DEAD!
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Old 15th December 2009, 10:20 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Hux View Post
So thats Falwell, now Roberts. Who will be next, Robertson? They have all missed the rapture.
Ask their secretaries about that.
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Old 15th December 2009, 10:57 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
I would love to see him return as a zombie.
A fast zombie, or a slow zombie?
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Old 15th December 2009, 10:58 PM   #29
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE4icQMfMhc
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Old 16th December 2009, 12:53 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by Ysidro View Post
American televangelist. In '87 he claimed if he did raise $8mil God would call him home.

I have to confess that I tried to murder Mr. Roberts, by maliciously, declining to send him any money.
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Old 16th December 2009, 02:30 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Bob Blaylock View Post
I have to confess that I tried to murder Mr. Roberts, by maliciously, declining to send him any money.
My housemate says that she lost a friend by saying at that time, "Great -- now is our chance to actually find out whether there's a God!"
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Old 16th December 2009, 06:23 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Cainkane1 View Post
He contributed nothing of value to society and hopefully nobody really misses him.
It is a harsh thing to say, but in my view, to say that the man the man "contributed nothing of value to society" is to be kind to him. In my view, he was a parasite and a destroyer, not a contributor. He was a huckster, a con artist who deserved to go to the pokey, and the principal reason that he did not was that he committed his sins in the name of religion.

Although there is no shortage of miscreants lining up to fleece the faithful now that Oral is gone, make no mistake: the world is better off without him.

Amen.
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Old 16th December 2009, 08:44 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Pure_Argent View Post
While I don't like Roberts, I have to say that this strikes me as overly callous.
Compared to what? I wonder if anybody died because of a faith heal (did he do those?) or because they relied on prayer.
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Old 16th December 2009, 09:14 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by KodeBlue View Post
You neglected the best version:

YouTube Video This video is not hosted by the ISF. The ISF can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website.
I AGREE
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Old 16th December 2009, 09:37 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by Cactus Wren View Post
My housemate says that she lost a friend by saying at that time, "Great -- now is our chance to actually find out whether there's a God!"
Doonesbury actually did a few strips on this when it happened. It was just news coming from the TV, but the newscasters were talking about "God becoming a terrorist". After all, He was taking a hostage and demanding cash or he'd kill the hostage. It was very funny.
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Old 16th December 2009, 09:46 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by shemp View Post
You neglected the best version:

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I AGREE
Heh! Thanks Klaus! We miss you!

If I might borrow a phrase from H. L. Mencken's eulogy for William Jennings Bryan:

"Has it been marked by historians that the late Oral Robert's last secular act on this earth was to catch flies?"
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Old 16th December 2009, 09:51 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by paximperium View Post
No. The giant hands did.

I always thought that was the C. Montgomery Burns Monument.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg IMG_0022.JPG (17.4 KB, 2 views)
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Old 16th December 2009, 10:11 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by Pure_Argent View Post
While I don't like Roberts, I have to say that this strikes me as overly callous.
What strikes me as overly callous is pretending to have magical healing powers and lying to desperate people to rip them off.
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Old 16th December 2009, 10:35 AM   #39
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Benny Hinn next?
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Old 16th December 2009, 10:58 AM   #40
Achán hiNidráne
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Originally Posted by Hux View Post
Benny Hinn next?
Given his age, I would have to say that Robertson is next on his God's chopping block.
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