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Old 16th February 2004, 05:34 AM   #1
Mr Manifesto
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Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Warning: This is a language wankers' thread. If you're the sort person who can't stand seeing people tiredly whinge about how the English language is being "raped", you'll hate this thread.

Here are some minor language abuses that really hack me off. If you're really bored, you can search my previous posts and see how many of the below I use.

Using 'Alternate' Instead of 'Alternative'
This one goes first, because it's the least offense in the language world. The reason being, it's a confusing rule. You usually use 'alternate' only when you refer something going to a state from x to y then back to x again.

eg, "The light flashed alternately red and green."

When most people use 'alternate', they actually mean 'alternative'. How many times have you heard 'alternate strategy'?

The kicker, though, is that there is an exception to this rule. When you talk about an alternative universe (like one where JFK didn't get assassinated and yada yada yada), you actually say 'alternate universe'. This is because so many American authors have used the term, it'd be more confusing to use the proper word than to keep going with what we have.

So, even though these words were just made to be mixed up with one another, I still get hacked off when people do it.

'Ongoing' Instead of 'Continuing'
The main reason I hate this is because usually the only people who use the word 'ongoing' are tossers of the highest order. But really, why use an awkword contraction when there's a perfectly good verb all ready to use?

Putting Something in French to Make Yourelf Sound Cool
This is becoming de rigueur among journos, sadly the left-leaning ones are more guilty of this than the right. Usually involves using a French phrase that you don't know the meaning of. Fortunately, not so many people are using a mauled version of the 'Plus ca change...' quote as used to be.

Yada, Yada, Yada
Look, if you can't be bothered to write a decent sentence, don't write it, okay? I hate this one used in everyday speech as well. Office workers most guilty of using it.

Memory Hole
This sets my teeth on edge. In fact, I think I just snapped a molar.

Ramp Up
This phrase conjures up many images, all of them homosexual. That's why so many journos and newsreaders use this term, to indulge their suppressed homoerotic impulses. That's my theory, I don't care if you think I'm projecting.

'-gate' Suffix
I hope I don't need to explain this one.

One Sentence Paragraphs
Usually used by ***** thick journos who managed to suck-@$$ their way to their own opinon columns.
It's great for two reasons.
It makes every sentence heavy with depth and meaning.
And, it uses up more column inches with less words.
Lucky, because the journos who use this style usually can't sustain an idea for a whole 500 words.
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Old 16th February 2004, 06:38 AM   #2
LuxFerum
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The ongoing rape of the english is a memory hole that contain exactly the alternate yada, yada, yada that Bill-gates is doing to ramp up microsoft, comprenez-vous ?
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Old 16th February 2004, 09:57 AM   #3
bug_girl
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the thing that drives me nuts is random use of appostrophes.
i.e, "Potatoe's"
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Old 16th February 2004, 10:26 AM   #4
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Mr. Manifesto, I don't know if you did this on purpose, but... That word you created, "awkword", to denote a clumsy or ill-conceived use of the language, is a gem. I love it. I intend to start using it from now on. And it can be a verb, and a noun too!
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Old 16th February 2004, 10:40 AM   #5
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"Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off" - that's pretty appalling for a start.

"Ramp up"? Slang term of electrical engineers and their ilk.

"This is this kicker...." I hate this expression.
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Old 16th February 2004, 10:52 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by bug_girl
the thing that drives me nuts is random use of appostrophes.
i.e, "Potatoe's"
Lessee... started a sentence with a lower case t... one too many pee's in apostrophe... one too many e's in potatos...

My English is perfect, however.

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Old 16th February 2004, 10:56 AM   #7
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Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Manifesto
...(like one where JFK didn't get assassinated and yada yada yada...

...Yada, Yada, Yada
Look, if you can't be bothered to write a decent sentence, don't write it, okay?
This was en purposse, oui? (and, oui, I don't know French and just made up my own. I call it "Better French than real French")

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Old 16th February 2004, 12:07 PM   #8
asthmatic camel
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Microsoft did fairly well in the piss-poor language stakes with "Based on NT technology". Based on new technology technology ? WTF ?
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Old 16th February 2004, 01:35 PM   #9
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Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Manifesto

'Ongoing' Instead of 'Continuing'
The main reason I hate this is because usually the only people who use the word 'ongoing' are tossers of the highest order. But really, why use an awkword contraction when there's a perfectly good verb all ready to use?
Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?
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Old 16th February 2004, 01:52 PM   #10
Melissa Johnson
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I've ranted about this word before:

impact

fer example:

..."It still remains to be seen how the new tax will impact those of us in certain income brackets..."



AIGGGH!

If it ain't about a meteorite or a wisdom tooth, I don't want to hear anything about impact ...

Not that anyone really seems to care. I've heard it cropping up all over in such context lately but I still refuse to use it, and I'll keep whining every time I hear it used that way...
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Old 16th February 2004, 01:53 PM   #11
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Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Gregory


Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?
I think the term continuing on should be erased from the lexicon as well...it's icky.
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Old 16th February 2004, 02:54 PM   #12
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Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Gregory


Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?
I agree. I use ongoing, just because it sounds nicer.
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Old 16th February 2004, 03:09 PM   #13
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"Disconnect"

As in "There was a disconnect between the marketing people and the programming staff."

IF you're going to use a word like that, then the word you are looking for is "disconnection." Disconnect is a verb. Don't nounify it, you bastiges!

Better yet, why not just say what you're trying to say?
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Old 16th February 2004, 03:11 PM   #14
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Teen girl 1: "And I was like 'What?', and he was like 'Yeah' and I was like 'no way' and he was like 'Yeah!' and I was like" {holds hand up as if to indicate a 'halt' signal}
Teen girl 2: "No! I'd be like '**** off'"

Actual conversation heard on public transport recently.
Peter

Last edited by LashL; 21st May 2012 at 06:24 AM. Reason: Properly masking profanity.
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Old 16th February 2004, 03:34 PM   #15
Mr Manifesto
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WTF can you say about this passage?:

Quote:
Beonic also provides unique, industrial-strength digital video technology for in-store security surveillance and monitoring. It effectively delivers twice the value to stores.
Beonic Media Press Release

Well, I suppose they could have used the phrase, 'very unique', but otherwise still a good example of language-mauling. "Industrial-strength digitial video technology"? And what's up with their use of 'effectively'?
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Old 16th February 2004, 04:49 PM   #16
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Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Manifesto
Putting Something in French to Make Yourelf Sound Cool
This is becoming de rigueur among journos, sadly the left-leaning ones are more guilty of this than the right.[/b]
I like to use French to make things sound sarcastic.

My pet peeve is when people, nearly all of them, pronounce "short-lived" with a short I. "Short-lived" is like "big-nosed" or "fat-assed." The hyphen tells you it's a compound adjective, and the second word is a noun. People who are short-lived don't have a short live; they have a short life, with a long "i." The only reason that it isn't "short-lifed" is that there's a morphophonemic transformation from "f" to "v" when some suffixes are added.
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Old 16th February 2004, 06:13 PM   #17
mummymonkey
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I can't get worked up about short-lived rhyming with tort-ribbed.
There are worse crimes; such as speaking every sentence as if it where a question? I think the Australians started that? People who speak like that also sprinkle their sentences with like, lots of extra words? I don't like, like that.
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Old 16th February 2004, 06:40 PM   #18
Brown
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Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by epepke
My pet peeve is when people, nearly all of them, pronounce "short-lived" with a short I. "Short-lived" is like "big-nosed" or "fat-assed." The hyphen tells you it's a compound adjective, and the second word is a noun. People who are short-lived don't have a short live; they have a short life, with a long "i." The only reason that it isn't "short-lifed" is that there's a morphophonemic transformation from "f" to "v" when some suffixes are added.
I'm with you on this.
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Old 16th February 2004, 07:09 PM   #19
bug_girl
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Quote:
Originally posted by No Answers
Lessee... started a sentence with a lower case t... one too many pee's in apostrophe... one too many e's in potatos...
the first two are correct, but the "potatoe's" was an example of the sort of thing that makes me nuts.
not only is it not posessive (potatoes' what??) but the apostrophe is in the wrong place. i see this a lot in groceries: "Tomatoe's $1.00"
everything seems to be posessive if it has an S.

(and i reserve the right to randomly capitalize when not at work. )
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Old 16th February 2004, 07:16 PM   #20
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Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Mr Manifesto
Warning: This is a language wankers' thread. If you're the sort person who can't stand seeing people tiredly whinge about how the English language is being "raped", you'll hate this thread.
.....

One Sentence Paragraphs
Usually used by ***** thick journos who managed to suck-@$$ their way to their own opinon columns.
It's great for two reasons.
It makes every sentence heavy with depth and meaning.
And, it uses up more column inches with less words.
Lucky, because the journos who use this style usually can't sustain an idea for a whole 500 words.
Please..."fewer" words.
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Old 16th February 2004, 07:32 PM   #21
Mr Manifesto
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Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Quote:
Originally posted by Mercutio
Please..."fewer" words.
I was writing in the style of those journalists. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
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Old 16th February 2004, 08:56 PM   #22
LucyR
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Sticking to?...or sticking with?
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Old 17th February 2004, 12:01 AM   #23
Ove
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If it only was a new debate.
Quote:

Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter,
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered.
By law she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
"Aaoooww!" ........ " Aaoooww"

Heaven's! What a noise!
This is what the British population,
Calls an elementary education.
Counsel, I think you picked a poor example.
Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square,
Dropping "h's" everywhere.
Speaking English anyway they like.

You sir, did you go to school? - Wadaya tike me for, a fool?

No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now, Should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too!
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse,
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one!

"Garn"!

I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place.
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do,
Why, you might be selling flowers, too.

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him,
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There even are places where English completely
disappears.

In America, they haven't used it for years!

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks have taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows
his language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually,
as long as they pronounce in properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
And Hebrews learn it backwards,
which is absolutely frightening.
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Why can't the English,
Why can't the English learn to speak?



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Old 17th February 2004, 02:41 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by mummymonkey
I can't get worked up about short-lived rhyming with tort-ribbed.
There are worse crimes; such as speaking every sentence as if it where a question? I think the Australians started that? People who speak like that also sprinkle their sentences with like, lots of extra words? I don't like, like that.
Do you really believe that? Like, are you really being serious? Do we really give you that opinion? Can you like, give me an example of this?
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Old 17th February 2004, 05:24 AM   #25
Mr Manifesto
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Ngggh...

Neophilia
It started out harmlessly enough, with some fashion magazine declaring oxymoronically, "white is the new black." Of course, other fashion rags were titillated with this joke, not to mention ignorant of the shortness of its shelf-life. We were treated to, "Grey is the new black," "Pink is the new black," "Brown is..." well, you get the idea.

Unfortunately, so did they. And, if I may borrow from Cardinal Woolsey, once lodged there you could never ever get it out. Now we are treated to, "Retirement is the new adolescence" (Saga magazine); "Losing is the new winning" (Football365.com); "Are pets the new kids?" (Red Magazine); "If gay is the new straight, don't worry girls. Maybe bums are the new tits" (The Australian).*

Time and again some brain-dead journo pumps out a neophilism. I think we could ask for the death penalty for this one. It'll be the only way to weed it out of the language.




*No, I didn't find all these myself. These came from Private Eye, issue 1093, 14 Nov-27 Nov 2003.
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Old 17th February 2004, 05:25 AM   #26
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"Infer" when "imply" is meant. My suspicion is that the great unwashed think this is the educated person's word for "imply" which is, in any case, usually used to justify wild leaps rather than either implication or inference.
"The fact that I am so wonderful infers that something-greater than me created me which can only be God"
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Old 17th February 2004, 10:16 AM   #27
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Nouning (sic) verbs makes me grind my teeth. As does -isming and -ising words; islamism and burglarising for example.
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Old 17th February 2004, 10:24 AM   #28
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Aren't we confusing alter-nate, meaning "to switch back and forth", and alter-nit, "an alternative"?

I've heard plenty of secondary systems and "seconds" in a dueling sense referred to as alter-nits. I would like to see some cites suggesting that this is actually a mistake.
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Old 17th February 2004, 11:33 AM   #29
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I realize it's a lost battle already, but I loathe the word flammable.
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Old 17th February 2004, 11:42 AM   #30
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I have a hard time worrying about things like short-eyed short-lived. The euphony of the word outways any despair over its grammatical, linguistic, et cetera, impurity.

PS. Latin p0wnz3rz French
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Old 17th February 2004, 12:03 PM   #31
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Have any of you ever heard the word schism pronounced sizm rather than skizm? Sizm is the dictionary pronunciation, but I have never heard it used by anyone but myself. In that instance my use of the word derailed the conversation and I have since, for the sake of maintaining the focus, returned to skizm.
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Old 17th February 2004, 12:15 PM   #32
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I usually say sizm, though I've had to explain it a few times. A quick glance through some dictionaries shows both sizm and skizm, with skizm being the preferred in only one source. Several also show the alternate alternative () shizm.
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Old 17th February 2004, 01:25 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally posted by Marquis de Carabas
I usually say sizm, though I've had to explain it a few times. A quick glance through some dictionaries shows both sizm and skizm, with skizm being the preferred in only one source. Several also show the alternate alternative () shizm.
I pronounce it shizm.


Flammable doesn't tick me off, inflammable does.
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Old 17th February 2004, 02:03 PM   #34
Marquis de Carabas
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So, every time someone talks about a combustible material, they piss one of us off, then? May I ask your problem with inflammable?
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Old 18th February 2004, 04:25 AM   #35
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What about the oh-so-basic "you're" and "your". You're arguably illiterate if your knowledge doesn't allow you to understand the difference.
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Old 18th February 2004, 04:43 AM   #36
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Quote:
Originally posted by bug_girl
the first two are correct, but the "potatoe's" was an example of the sort of thing that makes me nuts.
not only is it not posessive (potatoes' what??) but the apostrophe is in the wrong place. i see this a lot in groceries: "Tomatoe's $1.00"
everything seems to be posessive if it has an S.

(and i reserve the right to randomly capitalize when not at work. )
You're right. If it were one potato, it would be "the potato's eyes." If it were several, it would be "the potatoes' eyes," or if you follow Strunk, "the potatoes's eyes."
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Old 18th February 2004, 04:48 AM   #37
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Quote:
Originally posted by epepke


You're right. If there were one potato, it would be "the potato's eyes." If there were several, it would be "the potatoes' eyes," or if you follow Strunk, "the potatoes's eyes."
Also note http://angryflower.com/aposter.html
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Old 18th February 2004, 06:41 AM   #38
bug_girl
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Quote:
Originally posted by epepke
You're right. If it were one potato, it would be "the potato's eyes." If it were several, it would be "the potatoes' eyes," or if you follow Strunk, "the potatoes's eyes."
OMG! epepke and i agree on something! [falls off chair in dead faint]
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Old 18th February 2004, 07:10 AM   #39
Psi Baba
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Quote:
Originally posted by Wrath of the Swarm
Aren't we confusing alter-nate, meaning "to switch back and forth", and alter-nit, "an alternative"?

I've heard plenty of secondary systems and "seconds" in a dueling sense referred to as alter-nits. I would like to see some cites suggesting that this is actually a mistake.
Well, there is a noun form of "alternate" as in "choose an alternate in case your first choice is unavailable," or "The jury consisted of 12 jurors and 2 alternates." I don't know if it's being misused in place of "substitute," but this usage of "alternate" (unlike "substitute") suggests that the occurance of the substitution is contingent upon a certain condition. An alternate is a potential substitute.

flammable, inflammable, nonflammable: Like George Carlin said, "Either it flams or it doesn't flam, why are there three of them?"

This is a good thread, I'd like to see it ongo.
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Old 18th February 2004, 02:19 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally posted by sorgoth

Flammable doesn't tick me off, inflammable does.
I work in a marketing department, where we're in love with the word, "invaluable."

For a while, I kept dropping the prefix on anything that crossed my desk, but I've since given in.
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