Dear Users… (A thread for Sysadmin, Technical Support, and Help Desk people) Part 10 - Page 43

arthwollipot · 14th December 2022, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

What you should have done was murdered her. Sometimes I think you're not in IT at all.

We magical fairies have no need for murder.

TragicMonkey · 14th December 2022, 07:44 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

We magical fairies have no need for murder.

I can see someone's not very well-versed in folklore!

arthwollipot · 14th December 2022, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

I can see someone's not very well-versed in folklore!

I'm part of the Seelie Court. Murder is a tool of the Unseelie.

Norman Alexander · 14th December 2022, 11:00 PM

What you SHOULD have done was made her balance on one leg on her office chair with the other up in the air while you did the techno-magic-wand stuff. Then tell her that is all that is needed to fix it next time.

Then wait an hour or so until her office is full of people and disconnect her Outlook again.

arthwollipot · 14th December 2022, 11:19 PM

Here's a true story. It involves the Deputy Service Desk Manager, who I will call Lisa, because that is her name.

Lisa was assisting people putting up Christmas decorations around the office. Our building has something of a competition, you see, for the best-decorated team. At one point she asked me if I wanted some tinsel to put around my monitor.

"I do not," I said. Okay, so establishing my place as office Grinch right there. I am not a fan of the traditional trappings of Christmas and have no desire to participate in them. However, I also don't want to spoil anyone else's fun or tell them they can't have fun doing something. In short, I have no desire to be this guy. This was taken in good grace and we moved on.

A few minutes later, Lisa was saying something about "it's all about getting into the spirit of things". She was halfway between sarcastic and playful. I mean she was having fun, right? Well, in response to this the following words proceeded unbidden from out of my mouth-hole:

"Oh shut up."

Beat.

Oh my god did I just really say that? I don't think I could have made it sound any more disdainful if I had tried. I really said it. Out loud. Not loudly, but clearly enough that everyone around me heard it. Lisa was staring at me, mouth open in shock.

Fortunately, it was universally perceived as absolutely hysterical. Like, really funny. Everybody was laughing and Lisa took it well. I apologised, all was good. I'm fortunate that I work in a fun and casual workplace, otherwise it could have been a Career Limiting Move.

Wudang · 15th December 2022, 02:53 AM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

What you should have done was murdered her. Sometimes I think you're not in IT at all.

Ahem, the term "murdered" is deprecated. We prefer non-user initiated wetware process termination.

Filippo Lippi · 15th December 2022, 04:32 AM

We were told that a business critical process had "a known issue" for a "few days," but that it had been fixed. Our team being somewhat reliant on that process, I asked for more details. Answer came there none. I am clearly a nuisance.

TragicMonkey · 15th December 2022, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

Here's a true story. It involves the Deputy Service Desk Manager, who I will call Lisa, because that is her name.

Lisa was assisting people putting up Christmas decorations around the office. Our building has something of a competition, you see, for the best-decorated team. At one point she asked me if I wanted some tinsel to put around my monitor.

"I do not," I said. Okay, so establishing my place as office Grinch right there. I am not a fan of the traditional trappings of Christmas and have no desire to participate in them. However, I also don't want to spoil anyone else's fun or tell them they can't have fun doing something. In short, I have no desire to be this guy. This was taken in good grace and we moved on.

A few minutes later, Lisa was saying something about "it's all about getting into the spirit of things". She was halfway between sarcastic and playful. I mean she was having fun, right? Well, in response to this the following words proceeded unbidden from out of my mouth-hole:

"Oh shut up."

Beat.

Oh my god did I just really say that? I don't think I could have made it sound any more disdainful if I had tried. I really said it. Out loud. Not loudly, but clearly enough that everyone around me heard it. Lisa was staring at me, mouth open in shock.

Fortunately, it was universally perceived as absolutely hysterical. Like, really funny. Everybody was laughing and Lisa took it well. I apologised, all was good. I'm fortunate that I work in a fun and casual workplace, otherwise it could have been a Career Limiting Move.

I love Xmas and Xmas decorations, but tinsel is garbage. It's messy and unpleasant and is tacky enough to look awful but not tacky enough to possess any camp-value charm. Also it sheds and makes extra work for the cleaning staff.

TragicMonkey · 15th December 2022, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Wudang

Ahem, the term "murdered" is deprecated. We prefer non-user initiated wetware process termination.

I consider everyone to have an unspoken field named "MURDERED_YN", and while everyone begins with 0 in there eventually it'll flip to 1 by some process or another. It's inevitable! There's a batch job that runs constantly, comparing the individual's birthdate field to the current date, and sooner or later that one gets everybody.

arthwollipot · 15th December 2022, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

I love Xmas and Xmas decorations, but tinsel is garbage. It's messy and unpleasant and is tacky enough to look awful but not tacky enough to possess any camp-value charm. Also it sheds and makes extra work for the cleaning staff.

I confess to having a little bit of difficulty when there are flashing coloured lights in my field of vision, but not so much that it causes real problems.

Norman Alexander · 15th December 2022, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

I consider everyone to have an unspoken field named "MURDERED_YN", and while everyone begins with 0 in there eventually it'll flip to 1 by some process or another. It's inevitable! There's a batch job that runs constantly, comparing the individual's birthdate field to the current date, and sooner or later that one gets everybody.

Should not be a boolean field. Should be a small integer. I've been murdered twice already.

gnome · 16th December 2022, 10:44 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

I'm part of the Seelie Court. Murder is a tool of the Unseelie.

Perhaps not direct murder, but they're pretty literal. Tricking someone into arranging their own death would be right up their alley.

alfaniner · 17th December 2022, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

You know that one customer? The one that has a reputation? That everybody dreads getting a call from? Ours is named Ann. We have a standing instruction that if we get a call from Ann and she starts to become abusive and difficult, we are to transfer her directly to our manager or deputy manager. She was once placed on administrative leave for being abusive towards Service Desk operators.

She just called me a magical fairy.

She was having problems with Outlook not being able to connect to the Exchange server. By the simple trick of putting Outlook into Working Offline mode and then returning to Online, I was able to resolve it for her.

I think I just scored bigtime with this customer.

So basically you just turned it off and on again? You mean that really works?

TragicMonkey · 17th December 2022, 09:26 AM

This week I had a similar triumph of professional excellence! An exceedingly difficult and complex request was made and I just tore into it instantly, diving deeply into databases and searching documentation and in a mere matter of hours I was able to conclusively prove that the task could only be accomplished by someone else. There is an immense satisfaction in information work when you know how to do it right.

Filippo Lippi · 17th December 2022, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Filippo Lippi

We were told that a business critical process had "a known issue" for a "few days," but that it had been fixed. Our team being somewhat reliant on that process, I asked for more details. Answer came there none. I am clearly a nuisance.

Oh, we're writing an alternative, but we didn't tell us that we were doing it

arthwollipot · 18th December 2022, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by gnome

Perhaps not direct murder, but they're pretty literal. Tricking someone into arranging their own death would be right up their alley.

Absolutely, but TragicMonkey was talking about murder and that's far too direct.

Originally Posted by alfaniner

So basically you just turned it off and on again? You mean that really works?

Well, there's a reason why that stereotype exists. When it was the opening line of the first episode of The IT Crowd, I knew that show was going to be too real for me to be able to enjoy.

TragicMonkey · 18th December 2022, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

Absolutely, but TragicMonkey was talking about murder and that's far too direct.

You are speaking ill of the best tool in the technician's toolbox! It allows a permanent solution to not just the user's current problem but also prevents all of their potential future problems!

I see what's going on here: you're against murder because you fear for your job security if you perform your job too well and solve all the problems, you'll become disposable. But let me assure you, with the benefit of my vast experience: you will never run out of people who ought to be murdered.

arthwollipot · 18th December 2022, 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

You are speaking ill of the best tool in the technician's toolbox! It allows a permanent solution to not just the user's current problem but also prevents all of their potential future problems!

I see what's going on here: you're against murder because you fear for your job security if you perform your job too well and solve all the problems, you'll become disposable. But let me assure you, with the benefit of my vast experience: you will never run out of people who ought to be murdered.

But the problem here is that when murder is in the toolbox, what do you think happens to people who become disposable? They get murdered. So I'd rather not, thanks.

TragicMonkey · 18th December 2022, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

But the problem here is that when murder is in the toolbox, what do you think happens to people who become disposable? They get murdered. So I'd rather not, thanks.

You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it. Ideally this task will be imaginary. If you can't pull that off, arrange it so you have a list of actual tasks you do but nobody else knows how long they actually take or what you actually do to complete them. Automate things but let people believe they require hours of manual work. Create a cloud of unknowing around yourself and your work, and be cheerful but quiet. Never complain about your work, make no waves, always appear moderately busy, and you can ride this sort of thing out for decades. If you attend meetings always be seen to be writing things down, people will assume you are acquiring work from what is being said when actually you're getting your shopping list down, brainstorming names you'd give to a pet otter, or trying to anagram your own name into a more interesting one you might one day use as a pen name if you write a novel. And you'll have plenty of time to write a novel, what else are you going to do when you're supposed to be working?

Norman Alexander · 18th December 2022, 11:43 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it. Ideally this task will be imaginary. If you can't pull that off, arrange it so you have a list of actual tasks you do but nobody else knows how long they actually take or what you actually do to complete them. Automate things but let people believe they require hours of manual work. Create a cloud of unknowing around yourself and your work, and be cheerful but quiet. Never complain about your work, make no waves, always appear moderately busy, and you can ride this sort of thing out for decades. If you attend meetings always be seen to be writing things down, people will assume you are acquiring work from what is being said when actually you're getting your shopping list down, brainstorming names you'd give to a pet otter, or trying to anagram your own name into a more interesting one you might one day use as a pen name if you write a novel. And you'll have plenty of time to write a novel, what else are you going to do when you're supposed to be working?

SHUT UP!

Jeeez....

You're giving our secrets away!

arthwollipot · 18th December 2022, 11:55 PM

Originally Posted by TragicMonkey

You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it.

Well I kind of have that already as the guy who does the 1030 - 1900 shift. I do it because I like it and nobody else does.

alfaniner · 19th December 2022, 06:36 AM

My sister (looking for a new job) just asked me if I still have my old COBOL school books.
Yes. Yes I do. The work is still out there.

Filippo Lippi · 19th December 2022, 08:58 AM

I'm still doing it, and we have trainees in the classroom now

Norman Alexander · 19th December 2022, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by alfaniner

My sister (looking for a new job) just asked me if I still have my old COBOL school books.
Yes. Yes I do. The work is still out there.

Originally Posted by Filippo Lippi

I'm still doing it, and we have trainees in the classroom now

Old COBOL guy here! Pity I'm not in the USA, or that could have been lucrative!

arthwollipot · 20th December 2022, 05:58 PM

Ugh. Slowest week ever. And it's only halfway done.

Darat · 21st December 2022, 04:36 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

Ugh. Slowest week ever. And it's only halfway done.

Do you support over the Christmas break?

arthwollipot · 21st December 2022, 06:18 PM

Originally Posted by Darat

Do you support over the Christmas break?

No, the entire department shuts down at 12:30 on Friday and doesn't start operations again until the 3rd. We provide emergency on call service over this period except for the 25th and 26th, but I'm not on the on call roster so I don't have to worry about it. In fact, I am taking the whole first week of January off, as is my yearly custom, so I won't be back until the 9th. I'm so looking forward to it.

arthwollipot · 22nd December 2022, 02:44 PM

Ugh. I should not be here at this time.

I don't understand people who get up early in the morning and are all like "Yes! I'm awake and capable of mental arithmetic!"

TragicMonkey · 22nd December 2022, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

Ugh. I should not be here at this time.

I don't understand people who get up early in the morning and are all like "Yes! I'm awake and capable of mental arithmetic!"

The weather change played havoc with my sinuses and I had a very bad night indeed. But I woke up on this, my last working day of the year, in perfect mental balance! I got up and said to myself "right, today is Tuesday, so I have that regular meeting at 10." Today isn't Tuesday, my regular meeting is at 9, and that's on Wednesdays. Also at some point I apparently had a breakthrough idea on how to improve one of my SQL queries and I carefully jotted it down on notepaper last night. This morning I was delighted to read this brilliant advice to myself: "DON'T JOIN ON THE JOIN, DO IT BY JOINING JOIN, THE JOIN" and a drawing of a happy skull. I also wrote down "buy batteries!!!!" but I don't remember what appliance I found that needs them, and I actually have a bunch of batteries already. I think perhaps I'm all the way done with 2022.

Norman Alexander · 22nd December 2022, 04:49 PM

Many, MANY JOINs...

arthwollipot · 22nd December 2022, 05:17 PM

I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about.

TragicMonkey · 22nd December 2022, 08:14 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about.

"I'll just remind myself by jotting down 'PINK, OVER THE OTHER, arrow sign YES!!!' because I'll definitely remember what that means!"

Some of the versions of myself who exist in the past are quite odd, and bad at communicating. Not like me at all, of course. Ham is T, backwards & until it lights up, ask Mom if ceramic (basement??).

BowlOfRed · 23rd December 2022, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about.

I'm more a math/science/tech person. I enjoy the arts, but I'm not that creative and don't really enjoy trying to make any.

In some old boxes of my junk, I once found a flip pad with some poetry that was 100% in my handwriting and I have no memory of ever writing such. I can't imagine ever wanting to write poetry.

Maybe it was for an english class and I did some attempts on a pad, but I don't remember anything like that. Coming across that in my hand was freaky. I don't think I'd be as unsettled if someone walked up to me saying they're my grandson from the future and I need to follow them.

novaphile · 23rd December 2022, 04:04 PM

I've read some of my old work diaries, and cannot make head nor tail of them.

Clearly I used to work with those technologies, but it's just gobbledegook now.

TragicMonkey · 23rd December 2022, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by novaphile

I've read some of my old work diaries, and cannot make head nor tail of them.

Clearly I used to work with those technologies, but it's just gobbledegook now.

I recently got a new file cabinet and was going through my files and ran across a folder titled "IMPORTANT WORK STUFF". It was my notes on how to do a bunch of things from my old job, which I left in 2018. That's just four years ago. Half the notes were utterly incomprehensible to me--I've forgotten so much that that half made no sense at all. The other half was incredibly obvious things I must have truly incorporated into my mind during that job because I found it funny I needed to even write that stuff down.

It was pretty much equivalent of finding two notes, one reading "Frzl upgeb mnumuumdoap gzio!" and the other "you need to drink water to live".

CORed · 26th December 2022, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by arthwollipot

Here's a true story. It involves the Deputy Service Desk Manager, who I will call Lisa, because that is her name.

Lisa was assisting people putting up Christmas decorations around the office. Our building has something of a competition, you see, for the best-decorated team. At one point she asked me if I wanted some tinsel to put around my monitor.

"I do not," I said. Okay, so establishing my place as office Grinch right there. I am not a fan of the traditional trappings of Christmas and have no desire to participate in them. However, I also don't want to spoil anyone else's fun or tell them they can't have fun doing something. In short, I have no desire to be this guy. This was taken in good grace and we moved on.

A few minutes later, Lisa was saying something about "it's all about getting into the spirit of things". She was halfway between sarcastic and playful. I mean she was having fun, right? Well, in response to this the following words proceeded unbidden from out of my mouth-hole:

"Oh shut up."

Beat.

Oh my god did I just really say that? I don't think I could have made it sound any more disdainful if I had tried. I really said it. Out loud. Not loudly, but clearly enough that everyone around me heard it. Lisa was staring at me, mouth open in shock.

Fortunately, it was universally perceived as absolutely hysterical. Like, really funny. Everybody was laughing and Lisa took it well. I apologised, all was good. I'm fortunate that I work in a fun and casual workplace, otherwise it could have been a Career Limiting Move.

It occurs to me that the putting tinsel that's made of aluminum foil on a CRT monitor could have some entertaining effects, should a little strip of aluminum foil break loose from the tinsel, fall through a ventilation slot in the monitor and contact high voltage terminals, though those effects would not be conducive to equipment life or workplace safety. It's probably just as well that CRT monitors are pretty much non-existent now, and most tinsel is made of shiny plastic.

CORed · 26th December 2022, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by alfaniner

So basically you just turned it off and on again? You mean that really works?

Turning it off and on again works just often enough to make it worth trying first. Depending, of course, on just how many people, and how important they are, will get mad if you turn it off.

novaphile · 29th December 2022, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by CORed

Turning it off and on again works just often enough to make it worth trying first. Depending, of course, on just how many people, and how important they are, will get mad if you turn it off.

It should frequently be done with servers under controlled conditions while all staff are present.

I've lost count of the number of times that auto starting services didn't auto-start because some idiot out-sourced-supplier switched them to manual when performing updates, and was too stupid to return things to their correct state after patching a server.

Not to mention the number of times that things failed to restart because their certificates were out of date, and services could no longer connect to their databases.

(Of course the guy that did that work was out-sourced to a lowest price house of idiots that do four fifth of ****-all too.)

I'm so glad I'm no longer in that world.

Trebuchet · 29th December 2022, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by CORed

It occurs to me that the putting tinsel that's made of aluminum foil on a CRT monitor could have some entertaining effects, should a little strip of aluminum foil break loose from the tinsel, fall through a ventilation slot in the monitor and contact high voltage terminals, though those effects would not be conducive to equipment life or workplace safety. It's probably just as well that CRT monitors are pretty much non-existent now, and most tinsel is made of shiny plastic.

I'm so old, when I was a kid tinsel was made of lead!
And I'm not making that up.

Norman Alexander · 29th December 2022, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by novaphile

It should frequently be done with servers under controlled conditions while all staff are present.

I've lost count of the number of times that auto starting services didn't auto-start because some idiot out-sourced-supplier switched them to manual when performing updates, and was too stupid to return things to their correct state after patching a server.

Not to mention the number of times that things failed to restart because their certificates were out of date, and services could no longer connect to their databases.

(Of course the guy that did that work was out-sourced to a lowest price house of idiots that do four fifth of ****-all too.)

I'm so glad I'm no longer in that world.

I'm still in that sphere... This happens more than many like to admit.

Usual thing is to find the server management ports are not even connected. IP's are assigned, but no blue cable. That means an hour wait while someone who knows the recipe comes on site and physically punches the GO button again.

*SIGH*

14th December 2022, 07:02 PM	#1681
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey What you should have done was murdered her. Sometimes I think you're not in IT at all. We magical fairies have no need for murder.
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14th December 2022, 07:44 PM	#1682
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot We magical fairies have no need for murder. I can see someone's not very well-versed in folklore!
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

14th December 2022, 07:45 PM	#1683
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey I can see someone's not very well-versed in folklore! I'm part of the Seelie Court. Murder is a tool of the Unseelie.
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14th December 2022, 11:00 PM	#1684
Norman Alexander Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Dharug & Gundungurra Posts: 14,997	What you SHOULD have done was made her balance on one leg on her office chair with the other up in the air while you did the techno-magic-wand stuff. Then tell her that is all that is needed to fix it next time. Then wait an hour or so until her office is full of people and disconnect her Outlook again.
	__________________ _{...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015}

14th December 2022, 11:19 PM	#1685
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Here's a true story. It involves the Deputy Service Desk Manager, who I will call Lisa, because that is her name. Lisa was assisting people putting up Christmas decorations around the office. Our building has something of a competition, you see, for the best-decorated team. At one point she asked me if I wanted some tinsel to put around my monitor. "I do not," I said. Okay, so establishing my place as office Grinch right there. I am not a fan of the traditional trappings of Christmas and have no desire to participate in them. However, I also don't want to spoil anyone else's fun or tell them they can't have fun doing something. In short, I have no desire to be this guy. This was taken in good grace and we moved on. A few minutes later, Lisa was saying something about "it's all about getting into the spirit of things". She was halfway between sarcastic and playful. I mean she was having fun, right? Well, in response to this the following words proceeded unbidden from out of my mouth-hole: "Oh shut up." Beat. Oh my god did I just really say that? I don't think I could have made it sound any more disdainful if I had tried. I really said it. Out loud. Not loudly, but clearly enough that everyone around me heard it. Lisa was staring at me, mouth open in shock. Fortunately, it was universally perceived as absolutely hysterical. Like, really funny. Everybody was laughing and Lisa took it well. I apologised, all was good. I'm fortunate that I work in a fun and casual workplace, otherwise it could have been a Career Limiting Move.
	__________________ Слава Україні! Героям Слава! 20220224 - 20230224

15th December 2022, 02:53 AM	#1686
Wudang BOFH Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: People's Republic of South Yorkshire Posts: 15,453	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey What you should have done was murdered her. Sometimes I think you're not in IT at all. Ahem, the term "murdered" is deprecated. We prefer non-user initiated wetware process termination.
	__________________ "Your deepest pools, like your deepest politicians and philosophers, often turn out more shallow than expected." Walter Scott.

15th December 2022, 04:32 AM	#1687
Filippo Lippi Illuminator Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 4,377	We were told that a business critical process had "a known issue" for a "few days," but that it had been fixed. Our team being somewhat reliant on that process, I asked for more details. Answer came there none. I am clearly a nuisance.
	__________________ You can't defeat fascism through debate because it's not simply an idea, proposal or theory. It's a fundamentally flawed way of looking at the world. It's a distorting prism, emotionally charged and completely logic-proof. You may as well challenge rabies to a game of Boggle. @ViolettaCrisis

15th December 2022, 10:06 AM	#1688
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot Here's a true story. It involves the Deputy Service Desk Manager, who I will call Lisa, because that is her name. Lisa was assisting people putting up Christmas decorations around the office. Our building has something of a competition, you see, for the best-decorated team. At one point she asked me if I wanted some tinsel to put around my monitor. "I do not," I said. Okay, so establishing my place as office Grinch right there. I am not a fan of the traditional trappings of Christmas and have no desire to participate in them. However, I also don't want to spoil anyone else's fun or tell them they can't have fun doing something. In short, I have no desire to be this guy. This was taken in good grace and we moved on. A few minutes later, Lisa was saying something about "it's all about getting into the spirit of things". She was halfway between sarcastic and playful. I mean she was having fun, right? Well, in response to this the following words proceeded unbidden from out of my mouth-hole: "Oh shut up." Beat. Oh my god did I just really say that? I don't think I could have made it sound any more disdainful if I had tried. I really said it. Out loud. Not loudly, but clearly enough that everyone around me heard it. Lisa was staring at me, mouth open in shock. Fortunately, it was universally perceived as absolutely hysterical. Like, really funny. Everybody was laughing and Lisa took it well. I apologised, all was good. I'm fortunate that I work in a fun and casual workplace, otherwise it could have been a Career Limiting Move. I love Xmas and Xmas decorations, but tinsel is garbage. It's messy and unpleasant and is tacky enough to look awful but not tacky enough to possess any camp-value charm. Also it sheds and makes extra work for the cleaning staff.
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

15th December 2022, 10:09 AM	#1689
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by Wudang Ahem, the term "murdered" is deprecated. We prefer non-user initiated wetware process termination. I consider everyone to have an unspoken field named "MURDERED_YN", and while everyone begins with 0 in there eventually it'll flip to 1 by some process or another. It's inevitable! There's a batch job that runs constantly, comparing the individual's birthdate field to the current date, and sooner or later that one gets everybody.
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

15th December 2022, 04:46 PM	#1690
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey I love Xmas and Xmas decorations, but tinsel is garbage. It's messy and unpleasant and is tacky enough to look awful but not tacky enough to possess any camp-value charm. Also it sheds and makes extra work for the cleaning staff. I confess to having a little bit of difficulty when there are flashing coloured lights in my field of vision, but not so much that it causes real problems.
	__________________ Слава Україні! Героям Слава! 20220224 - 20230224

15th December 2022, 07:47 PM	#1691
Norman Alexander Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Dharug & Gundungurra Posts: 14,997	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey I consider everyone to have an unspoken field named "MURDERED_YN", and while everyone begins with 0 in there eventually it'll flip to 1 by some process or another. It's inevitable! There's a batch job that runs constantly, comparing the individual's birthdate field to the current date, and sooner or later that one gets everybody. Should not be a boolean field. Should be a small integer. I've been murdered twice already.
	__________________ _{...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015}

16th December 2022, 10:44 AM	#1692
gnome Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 13,767	Originally Posted by arthwollipot I'm part of the Seelie Court. Murder is a tool of the Unseelie. Perhaps not direct murder, but they're pretty literal. Tricking someone into arranging their own death would be right up their alley.
	__________________

17th December 2022, 07:33 AM	#1693
alfaniner Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sorth Dakonsin Posts: 27,905	Originally Posted by arthwollipot You know that one customer? The one that has a reputation? That everybody dreads getting a call from? Ours is named Ann. We have a standing instruction that if we get a call from Ann and she starts to become abusive and difficult, we are to transfer her directly to our manager or deputy manager. She was once placed on administrative leave for being abusive towards Service Desk operators. She just called me a magical fairy. She was having problems with Outlook not being able to connect to the Exchange server. By the simple trick of putting Outlook into Working Offline mode and then returning to Online, I was able to resolve it for her. I think I just scored bigtime with this customer. So basically you just turned it off and on again? You mean that really works?
	__________________ Science is self-correcting. Woo is self-contradicting.

17th December 2022, 09:26 AM	#1694
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	This week I had a similar triumph of professional excellence! An exceedingly difficult and complex request was made and I just tore into it instantly, diving deeply into databases and searching documentation and in a mere matter of hours I was able to conclusively prove that the task could only be accomplished by someone else. There is an immense satisfaction in information work when you know how to do it right.
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

17th December 2022, 12:47 PM	#1695
Filippo Lippi Illuminator Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 4,377	Originally Posted by Filippo Lippi We were told that a business critical process had "a known issue" for a "few days," but that it had been fixed. Our team being somewhat reliant on that process, I asked for more details. Answer came there none. I am clearly a nuisance. Oh, we're writing an alternative, but we didn't tell us that we were doing it
	__________________ You can't defeat fascism through debate because it's not simply an idea, proposal or theory. It's a fundamentally flawed way of looking at the world. It's a distorting prism, emotionally charged and completely logic-proof. You may as well challenge rabies to a game of Boggle. @ViolettaCrisis

18th December 2022, 07:11 PM	#1696
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by gnome Perhaps not direct murder, but they're pretty literal. Tricking someone into arranging their own death would be right up their alley. Absolutely, but TragicMonkey was talking about murder and that's far too direct. Originally Posted by alfaniner So basically you just turned it off and on again? You mean that really works? Well, there's a reason why that stereotype exists. When it was the opening line of the first episode of The IT Crowd, I knew that show was going to be too real for me to be able to enjoy.
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18th December 2022, 07:52 PM	#1697
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot Absolutely, but TragicMonkey was talking about murder and that's far too direct. You are speaking ill of the best tool in the technician's toolbox! It allows a permanent solution to not just the user's current problem but also prevents all of their potential future problems! I see what's going on here: you're against murder because you fear for your job security if you perform your job too well and solve all the problems, you'll become disposable. But let me assure you, with the benefit of my vast experience: you will never run out of people who ought to be murdered.
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

18th December 2022, 07:57 PM	#1698
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey You are speaking ill of the best tool in the technician's toolbox! It allows a permanent solution to not just the user's current problem but also prevents all of their potential future problems! I see what's going on here: you're against murder because you fear for your job security if you perform your job too well and solve all the problems, you'll become disposable. But let me assure you, with the benefit of my vast experience: you will never run out of people who ought to be murdered. But the problem here is that when murder is in the toolbox, what do you think happens to people who become disposable? They get murdered. So I'd rather not, thanks.
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18th December 2022, 08:42 PM	#1699
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot But the problem here is that when murder is in the toolbox, what do you think happens to people who become disposable? They get murdered. So I'd rather not, thanks. You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it. Ideally this task will be imaginary. If you can't pull that off, arrange it so you have a list of actual tasks you do but nobody else knows how long they actually take or what you actually do to complete them. Automate things but let people believe they require hours of manual work. Create a cloud of unknowing around yourself and your work, and be cheerful but quiet. Never complain about your work, make no waves, always appear moderately busy, and you can ride this sort of thing out for decades. If you attend meetings always be seen to be writing things down, people will assume you are acquiring work from what is being said when actually you're getting your shopping list down, brainstorming names you'd give to a pet otter, or trying to anagram your own name into a more interesting one you might one day use as a pen name if you write a novel. And you'll have plenty of time to write a novel, what else are you going to do when you're supposed to be working?
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

18th December 2022, 11:43 PM	#1700
Norman Alexander Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Dharug & Gundungurra Posts: 14,997	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it. Ideally this task will be imaginary. If you can't pull that off, arrange it so you have a list of actual tasks you do but nobody else knows how long they actually take or what you actually do to complete them. Automate things but let people believe they require hours of manual work. Create a cloud of unknowing around yourself and your work, and be cheerful but quiet. Never complain about your work, make no waves, always appear moderately busy, and you can ride this sort of thing out for decades. If you attend meetings always be seen to be writing things down, people will assume you are acquiring work from what is being said when actually you're getting your shopping list down, brainstorming names you'd give to a pet otter, or trying to anagram your own name into a more interesting one you might one day use as a pen name if you write a novel. And you'll have plenty of time to write a novel, what else are you going to do when you're supposed to be working? SHUT UP! Jeeez.... You're giving our secrets away!
	__________________ _{...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015}

18th December 2022, 11:55 PM	#1701
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by TragicMonkey You mean you haven't made yourself indispensible yet? You need to get on that, pronto. I recommend the path of being the only person who does a task which is important but boring, necessary but not so vital anybody else needs to know how to do it. Well I kind of have that already as the guy who does the 1030 - 1900 shift. I do it because I like it and nobody else does.
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19th December 2022, 06:36 AM	#1702
alfaniner Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Sorth Dakonsin Posts: 27,905	My sister (looking for a new job) just asked me if I still have my old COBOL school books. Yes. Yes I do. The work is still out there.
	__________________ Science is self-correcting. Woo is self-contradicting.

19th December 2022, 08:58 AM	#1703
Filippo Lippi Illuminator Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 4,377	I'm still doing it, and we have trainees in the classroom now
	__________________ You can't defeat fascism through debate because it's not simply an idea, proposal or theory. It's a fundamentally flawed way of looking at the world. It's a distorting prism, emotionally charged and completely logic-proof. You may as well challenge rabies to a game of Boggle. @ViolettaCrisis

19th December 2022, 06:43 PM	#1704
Norman Alexander Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Dharug & Gundungurra Posts: 14,997	Originally Posted by alfaniner My sister (looking for a new job) just asked me if I still have my old COBOL school books. Yes. Yes I do. The work is still out there. Originally Posted by Filippo Lippi I'm still doing it, and we have trainees in the classroom now Old COBOL guy here! Pity I'm not in the USA, or that could have been lucrative!
	__________________ _{...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015}

20th December 2022, 05:58 PM	#1705
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Ugh. Slowest week ever. And it's only halfway done.
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21st December 2022, 04:36 AM	#1706
Darat Lackey Administrator Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: South East, UK Posts: 109,646	Originally Posted by arthwollipot Ugh. Slowest week ever. And it's only halfway done. Do you support over the Christmas break?
	__________________ I wish I knew how to quit you

21st December 2022, 06:18 PM	#1707
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Originally Posted by Darat Do you support over the Christmas break? No, the entire department shuts down at 12:30 on Friday and doesn't start operations again until the 3rd. We provide emergency on call service over this period except for the 25th and 26th, but I'm not on the on call roster so I don't have to worry about it. In fact, I am taking the whole first week of January off, as is my yearly custom, so I won't be back until the 9th. I'm so looking forward to it.
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22nd December 2022, 02:44 PM	#1708
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	Ugh. I should not be here at this time. I don't understand people who get up early in the morning and are all like "Yes! I'm awake and capable of mental arithmetic!"
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22nd December 2022, 02:55 PM	#1709
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot Ugh. I should not be here at this time. I don't understand people who get up early in the morning and are all like "Yes! I'm awake and capable of mental arithmetic!" The weather change played havoc with my sinuses and I had a very bad night indeed. But I woke up on this, my last working day of the year, in perfect mental balance! I got up and said to myself "right, today is Tuesday, so I have that regular meeting at 10." Today isn't Tuesday, my regular meeting is at 9, and that's on Wednesdays. Also at some point I apparently had a breakthrough idea on how to improve one of my SQL queries and I carefully jotted it down on notepaper last night. This morning I was delighted to read this brilliant advice to myself: "DON'T JOIN ON THE JOIN, DO IT BY JOINING JOIN, THE JOIN" and a drawing of a happy skull. I also wrote down "buy batteries!!!!" but I don't remember what appliance I found that needs them, and I actually have a bunch of batteries already. I think perhaps I'm all the way done with 2022.
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

22nd December 2022, 04:49 PM	#1710
Norman Alexander Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Dharug & Gundungurra Posts: 14,997	Many, MANY JOINs...
	__________________ _{...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015}

22nd December 2022, 05:17 PM	#1711
arthwollipot Observer of Phenomena Pronouns: he/him Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ngunnawal Country Posts: 82,134	I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about.
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22nd December 2022, 08:14 PM	#1712
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by arthwollipot I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about. "I'll just remind myself by jotting down 'PINK, OVER THE OTHER, arrow sign YES!!!' because I'll definitely remember what that means!" Some of the versions of myself who exist in the past are quite odd, and bad at communicating. Not like me at all, of course. Ham is T, backwards & until it lights up, ask Mom if ceramic (basement??).
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.

23rd December 2022, 10:47 AM	#1713
BowlOfRed Master Poster Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 2,343	Originally Posted by arthwollipot I love finding notes from past me and not knowing what they're on about. I'm more a math/science/tech person. I enjoy the arts, but I'm not that creative and don't really enjoy trying to make any. In some old boxes of my junk, I once found a flip pad with some poetry that was 100% in my handwriting and I have no memory of ever writing such. I can't imagine ever wanting to write poetry. *Maybe* it was for an english class and I did some attempts on a pad, but I don't remember anything like that. Coming across that in my hand was freaky. I don't think I'd be as unsettled if someone walked up to me saying they're my grandson from the future and I need to follow them.

23rd December 2022, 04:04 PM	#1714
novaphile Quester of Doglets Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Sunny South Australia Posts: 4,949	I've read some of my old work diaries, and cannot make head nor tail of them. Clearly I used to work with those technologies, but it's just gobbledegook now.
	__________________ We would be better, and braver, to engage in enquiry, rather than indulge in the idle fancy, that we already know -- Plato.

23rd December 2022, 05:36 PM	#1715
TragicMonkey Poisoned Waffles Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Monkey Posts: 66,043	Originally Posted by novaphile I've read some of my old work diaries, and cannot make head nor tail of them. Clearly I used to work with those technologies, but it's just gobbledegook now. I recently got a new file cabinet and was going through my files and ran across a folder titled "IMPORTANT WORK STUFF". It was my notes on how to do a bunch of things from my old job, which I left in 2018. That's just four years ago. Half the notes were utterly incomprehensible to me--I've forgotten so much that that half made no sense at all. The other half was incredibly obvious things I must have truly incorporated into my mind during that job because I found it funny I needed to even write that stuff down. It was pretty much equivalent of finding two notes, one reading "Frzl upgeb mnumuumdoap gzio!" and the other "you need to drink water to live".
	__________________ You added nothing to that conversation, Barbara.