What was the WORST book you have ever read?

[elipse]

Originally Posted by HawaiiBigSis

I first read the book long before the movie was made. My edition had the "binding story" in red. I wish I still had that edition, but I think it went to my ex-husband in the divorce.

Ooh, nice. I had a second-hand beat-up mass market paperback. I tossed it when I found the 25th anniversary edition, all beautiful and hardbacked with a map of Guilder and Florin on the inside flaps.

[Floyt]

Originally Posted by BlackCat

The Princess Bride
Zodiac
Things Fall Apart
The Neverending Story

I believe I found my antithesis

The Neverending Story was the first hardcover I ever bought (first German edition with the two-colored print - saved a lot of pocket money for it) and I must have read it a dozen times by now. Zodiac is about to fall apart from re-reading. Yes, the prota is a total *******, but that's by design, and the language is fantastic. The Princess Bride I found charming and intricate. I haven't read the fourth one mentioned, but extrapolating I'm going to assume I would love it!

If I and BlackCat ever were in the same room we would probably repel like magnets and end up pinned to opposite walls

[Aitch]

Originally Posted by Floyt

If I and BlackCat ever were in the same room we would probably repel like magnets and end up pinned to opposite walls

Nah; opposites attract. You'd probably end up as one of those couples that enjoy arguing all day 'cause they know they are going to have so much fun making up at bed-time.

[Roxane]

Originally Posted by elipse

Did you create a character to put yourself in the story? I totally did that.

Humans are such dorks at 13...

Of course not! that would just... Ok. Yes.

Actually, since they were inspired by D&D, I feel that this behavior is entirely appropriate.

[Chaos]

Originally Posted by Roxane

Of course not! that would just... Ok. Yes.

Actually, since they were inspired by D&D, I feel that this behavior is entirely appropriate.

"Inspired"? You could hear the dice roll in some scenes.

[ZirconBlue]

Originally Posted by Chaos

"Inspired"? You could hear the dice roll in some scenes.

IIRC the Dragonlance D&D Modules actually preceded the novels. I still like the original Weis and Hickman books, but the few Dragonlance books written by other authors that I have read were pretty dreadful.

[bookitty]

Originally Posted by elipse

[re: Geek Love]I just finished this. Quite a satisfying book. I had book deja vu the entire time, even though I am sure I've never read it and never found a scene that I remembered reading.

That's odd. I had the same thing the first time I read it. I even paused and tried to figure out if she was plagiarizing but couldn't find any definite link. Finally decided that the narrative style reminded me of books like Wilder's Little House series. The adults are doing all these odd things that, through the eyes of the child narrator, are taken as normal.

Speaking of books for children, growing up in the early 1970's meant a shelf full of horrible age-appropriate, condescending, sex-ed books. I never forgave my mother for gifting me with What's Happening to Me? instead of the Judy Blume books I'd so carefully and craftily suggested.

[oggiesnr]

Originally Posted by Chaos

... the Thomas Covenant books (I slogged through the first three because I thought he´d have to improve sooner or later).

Seconded!

Steve

Edited to add - I could also make a strong case for Lisa Alther's "Kinflicks" who my then girlfriend said was the most brilliant book she'd ever read! MInd you we were both young at the time.

[Hawk one]

Originally Posted by bookitty

Speaking of books for children, growing up in the early 1970's meant a shelf full of horrible age-appropriate, condescending, sex-ed books. I never forgave my mother for gifting me with What's Happening to Me? instead of the Judy Blume books I'd so carefully and craftily suggested.

Well, should've lived here in Norway then. Our sex-ed books for kids had pictures of it all. At least the one my parents bought.

[Chaos]

Originally Posted by ZirconBlue

IIRC the Dragonlance D&D Modules actually preceded the novels. I still like the original Weis and Hickman books, but the few Dragonlance books written by other authors that I have read were pretty dreadful.

Legacy of Steel by, IIRC, Mary Herbert was decent. Haven´t read any of other "third party" novels, only some short story collections, the content of which ranged from good to bad - except for "The First Gully Dwarf Resistance Movement", which was hilarious.

[Flashman]

Originally Posted by Aurelian

Wuthering Heights. GACK!

Philistine! Wuthering Heights ranks among my favourites.

[Tsukasa Buddha]

Originally Posted by Wowbagger

Yikes! I don't know why that was given to you: You are clearly not part of the target audience for a book like that!

At least this one sounds funny! Another candidate for book-based RiffTrax, I think.


------

I thought a little about how "RiffTrax for Books" might work: You get a set of transparancies that fit over each page in a book. Each one has commentary printed on it, mostly in the margins, that points to the parts of the book they refer to.

What does everyone think of that?

Actually, it is called "sporking" and there is a community out there. Some examples:

This is done in the traditional format.

For copyrighted books, however, this is the necessary format.

And as for Ishmael, a friend tried to get to read it, but I managed to read some bad reviews beforehand.

The worst books I've read feature rape and paedophilia. I don't want to name them, and you don't want to know them.

[Nonpareil]

Originally Posted by oggiesnr

Seconded!

FLAGHLAGL

What is with all you people that have no taste in fantasy? I'm dying over here because I just finished reading Against All Things Ending and I don't want to wait for the next book! How can you not like Thomas Covenant?

Seriously. I know it's subjective and everything, but... come on now.

[Madalch]

Originally Posted by Pure_Argent

How can you not like Thomas Covenant?

Simple. The main character rapes a girl. The book gets put down and never looked at again.

I prefer protagonists that I can cheer for, instead of ones that need to be put down.

[Chaos]

Originally Posted by Madalch

Simple. The main character rapes a girl and is explicitly stated not to feel like he did anything wrong. The book gets put down and never looked at again.

I prefer protagonists that I can cheer for, instead of ones that need to be put down.

Fixed that for you.

If that rape thing wasn´t enough, he whines, whines, whines, at least when he isn´t busy insisting that all this isn´t really happening. I mean, we´ve all seen some anti-heroes in our day, but even Anakin Skywalker didn´t have to be driven from page to page with a cattle prod.

[Madalch]

Originally Posted by Chaos

Fixed that for you.

Thanks. It's been twenty years since I read it, so some bits have been swept into the dustbin of memory.

[TragicMonkey]

Originally Posted by Chaos

If that rape thing wasn´t enough, he whines, whines, whines, at least when he isn´t busy insisting that all this isn´t really happening.

I know. Very annoying. But then, I found all the other characters equally annoying. It seemed like everybody else was either a magical environmentalist who looked down on anybody who didn't spend every minute of every day helping the environment, or was a member of some weird culture with weird attitudes that got super-offended when outsiders didn't share their values or immediately convert to them. Like the horse people who got so huffy when he suggested riding the horses. They got more offended about being asked that question than anybody did about the rape. There didn't seem to be a single character with a sense of humor.

[ZirconBlue]

Originally Posted by Pure_Argent

FLAGHLAGL

What is with all you people that have no taste in fantasy? I'm dying over here because I just finished reading Against All Things Ending and I don't want to wait for the next book! How can you not like Thomas Covenant?

Seriously. I know it's subjective and everything, but... come on now.

I never read the original trilogy. One summer, when I was home alone all day, reading several books a week, I picked up the boxed set of the Second Chronicles. They were pretty boring. I wouldn't have finished them if I had better things to do (and hadn't already shelled out the bucks for all three books).

[Wudang]

A heads up on the Wheel of Time - book 12 is not bad. I've been buying them when starved for something to read as I just wanted to know how the story worked out and I read real fast and can skim like crazy. Sanderson doesn't have some of the characters quite right but the bloody story actually moves along. There's a lot less window dressing and a lot less of cold-blooded killers sweating in fear that a girl will be mean to them. It's not great (try say Wolfsangel instead) but it rises to being okay.

[Manopolus]

Worst book I ever read:

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.

Of course, I should have known. I mean... calling Leonardo by his secondary identifier (NOT his last name... it translates to: "from Venice," and people from his time never referred to him this way) should have clued me in, but it was soo popular I just had to go ahead and read it.

The guy absolutely butchered history, for one. Secondly, his writing style is completely uninspired and overly anal retentive in structure (compartmentalized).

[TubbaBlubba]

Originally Posted by Manopolus

(NOT his last name... it translates to: "from Venice," and people from his time never referred to him this way)

"from Vinci", actually. From Venice would be "da Venezia" or "da "Venecia".

[Manopolus]

Originally Posted by TubbaBlubba

"from Vinci", actually. From Venice would be "da Venezia" or "da "Venecia".

Ah, thanks for the correction. I knew he was from somewhere. Anyway, it's been a while since my art history courses... but I've forgotten more than Dan Brown ever knew.

[MarkCorrigan]

As the Daily Telegraph put it, that's like saying "What Would Of Nazareth Do?"

[Nonpareil]

Originally Posted by Madalch

Simple. The main character rapes a girl. The book gets put down and never looked at again.

I prefer protagonists that I can cheer for, instead of ones that need to be put down.

Originally Posted by Chaos

Fixed that for you.

Only if "fixed" means "made it wrong".

One of the central points of the series is Covenant's attempt to make reparations for his rape of Lena. I have no idea where you got the idea that it explicitly stated that he didn't feel like he'd done anything wrong. His first act afterward was to vomit in disgust at his own actions, and he spent the entire rest of the series trying to fix what he'd done.

[Floyt]

I'm quite sure this has been posted before, being a classic - however, never let a feed line go hungry...

The Well-Tempered Plot Device, featuring Clench Racing!

Quote:

[...]
This is a social and competitive sport, that can be played over and over with renewed pleasure. Playing equipment currently on the market restricts the number of players to six, but the manufacturers may yet issue the series of proposed supplements to raise the maximum eventually to nine.

The rules are simple. Each player takes a different volume of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, and at the word "go" all open their books at random and start leafing through, scanning the pages. The winner is the first player to find the word "clench". It's a fast, exciting game – sixty seconds is unusually drawn-out – and can be varied, if players get too good, with other favourite Donaldson words like wince, flinch, gag, rasp, exigency, mendacity, articulate, macerate, mien, limn, vertigo, cynosure.... It's a great way to get thrown out of bookshops. Good racing!
[...]

An alternative involving badger manure is given in the intro. May appeal to some.

[Father Dagon]

Originally Posted by bookitty

Speaking of books for children, growing up in the early 1970's meant a shelf full of horrible age-appropriate, condescending, sex-ed books. I never forgave my mother for gifting me with What's Happening to Me? instead of the Judy Blume books I'd so carefully and craftily suggested.

Wasn't there a novel about a woman growing up in the shadow of her mother and the seminal sex-ed book she wrote in the 70s?

Originally Posted by Hawk one

Well, should've lived here in Norway then. Our sex-ed books for kids had pictures of it all. At least the one my parents bought.

Did they translate Per, Ida & Minimum or Filip frågar into norwegian?

The last book really zonked me in kindergarden. For some year I believed that a condom was made of glass, like a test tube.

[Dave Rogers]

Originally Posted by Madalch

Simple. The main character rapes a girl.

If the rape scene had been inserted into Donaldson's Gap series, it would probably have been one of the moral highlights.

Dave

[Jono]

Originally Posted by Manopolus

Of course, I should have known. I mean... calling Leonardo by his secondary identifier

Well, doesn't everyone use "Da Vinci" for most parts?

[Nonpareil]

Originally Posted by Floyt

I'm quite sure this has been posted before, being a classic - however, never let a feed line go hungry...

The Well-Tempered Plot Device, featuring Clench Racing!



An alternative involving badger manure is given in the intro. May appeal to some.

I laughed.

[Hawk one]

Originally Posted by Father Dagon

Did they translate Per, Ida & Minimum or Filip frågar into norwegian?

The last book really zonked me in kindergarden. For some year I believed that a condom was made of glass, like a test tube.

Don't think so. The book was called "Få se!" (roughly translated: Lemme see!), and it was full of pictures of naked people. Including naked kids (in non-sexual positions). I think the main idea was to really go with the "nudity really is natural" route or something.

[Father Dagon]

Originally Posted by Hawk one

Don't think so. The book was called "Få se!" (roughly translated: Lemme see!), and it was full of pictures of naked people. Including naked kids (in non-sexual positions). I think the main idea was to really go with the "nudity really is natural" route or something.

But isn't that idea self-contradictory? If you're too young or too old to be ashamed of your own nudity, you don't need that book. And if you're part of the target audience, the book won't help.

[bookitty]

Originally Posted by Hawk one

Don't think so. The book was called "Få se!" (roughly translated: Lemme see!), and it was full of pictures of naked people. Including naked kids (in non-sexual positions). I think the main idea was to really go with the "nudity really is natural" route or something.

Ah, I know the book! The English version is titled Show Me! the photographs are by Will McBride and they are exceptional. McBride books are collected by aficionados of modern photography and Show Me! is his most popular work. At the same time, it's a bit tricky to have and to sell in the US. There's all those nekkid children and the text is in first person discussing a child's interest in human sexuality. So obviously anyone who buys it is a raging pedophile.

But controversy is a terrific draw. So, even though the book is not at all scarce, copies usually start at around $150 and a clean copy can go as high as $500.

[Hawk one]

Originally Posted by Father Dagon

But isn't that idea self-contradictory? If you're too young or too old to be ashamed of your own nudity, you don't need that book. And if you're part of the target audience, the book won't help.

Well, it's more than 20 years since I "read" it, but I can say that it also was about dealing with your sexuality as you grow up. In explicit details. And at around 7 or so, many kids have already learned that nudity is... well, somehow bad.

Or something like that. I was 7-8, I can't really say I was that much into being all analytical and **** at that age. Well, I sort of was (or at least already starting to be pedantic), but it wasn't a well-developed sense.

[Hawk one]

Originally Posted by bookitty

Ah, I know the book! The English version is titled Show Me! the photographs are by Will McBride and they are exceptional. McBride books are collected by aficionados of modern photography and Show Me! is his most popular work. At the same time, it's a bit tricky to have and to sell in the US. There's all those nekkid children and the text is in first person discussing a child's interest in human sexuality. So obviously anyone who buys it is a raging pedophile.

Yeah, I strongly, strongly doubt that book would've been made today. Those were more innocent days... Or at least less hysterical.... Or just hysterical about different things.

[bookitty]

Originally Posted by Hawk one

Yeah, I strongly, strongly doubt that book would've been made today. Those were more innocent days... Or at least less hysterical.... Or just hysterical about different things.

True, even though it's an amazing book and completely age-appropriate. It was designed by psychologist Helga Fleischhauer-Hardt to be read piece-meal. To answer a specific question with a page or two, not to be flipped through in one sitting. Many years ago it was used in German schools for sex-ed classes but now it's on several different banned lists.

But this is an entirely different conversation. </derail>

[Hawk one]

I certainly don't count it as among the worst books I've read , so it is indeed a derail.

I don't recall any of the titles anymore, but my sister used to be part of a book club for... I don't know, 10-15? Anyway, let's just say that when the Babysitter Club series are amongst the better of the books she received, you get stuff that I thought was BS even back then.

[Father Dagon]

Originally Posted by Hawk one

Well, it's more than 20 years since I "read" it, but I can say that it also was about dealing with your sexuality as you grow up. In explicit details. And at around 7 or so, many kids have already learned that nudity is... well, somehow bad.

Or something like that. I was 7-8, I can't really say I was that much into being all analytical and **** at that age. Well, I sort of was (or at least already starting to be pedantic), but it wasn't a well-developed sense.

And then the foggy clouds of puberty rolls in, shrouding everything in merciful darkness, nullifying the well-meaning intellectual discourses of childhood's eternal afternoon in the sun.

[Mojo]

Originally Posted by Dave Rogers

Worst book I haven't finished was the third one in Stephen R. Donaldson's Gap series (and, by implication, the whole series). I reached an epiphany part way through the book when I realised that I wanted all the major characters to die, immediately if possible, and the story to come to an end, because not one of them had a single redeeming feature. As a reader, stopping reading the book was the best way to bring that about, so I did. I've never regretted the decision.

I carried on, through sheer bloody-mindedness, and finished the series. So I guess that's my entry for this thread.

[Father Dagon]

Originally Posted by hgc

My entry for worst book is The Alchemist, by Paul Coelho. It's excruciating, repetitive, boring clap-trap about a guy who wanders around looking for his purpose in life... or something.

Felt like a shaggy dog-story. The punchline can be summarized like this:

A man living in the village Foggy Hills is dreaming that under the biggest bridge in the big city, there's a treasure hidden. So the next day he travels to the city to hunt for the treasure. But when he's searching he slips and falls into the river, but are saved by a ferryman. The ferryman asks what he was doing there, and the villager tells him about his dream. The ferryman laugs and says that he had a similar dream this very night. It was about a village called Foggy Hills outside the city. And in the well in the middle of the village, there's a treasure hidden. But did he leave the city for a wild goose chase like this? So the villager thanks the ferryman for saving his life, returns to his village, search the well and finds the treasure.

[Dave Rogers]

Originally Posted by Mojo

I carried on, through sheer bloody-mindedness, and finished the series.

And did I make the right decision?

Dave