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Tags bible predictions , end of world predictions

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Old 13th August 2018, 01:56 AM   #121
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Or he'll be back to explain why we are so filthy god needs more time to cleanse the world.

Or something.
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Old 13th August 2018, 02:49 AM   #122
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Originally Posted by fagin View Post
Or he'll be back to explain why we are so filthy god needs more time to cleanse the world.

Or something.
Good luck with that! He'll be back, but explanations have never been a strong suit.

That reminds me, I need to get more shampoo.
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Old 13th August 2018, 09:19 AM   #123
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
Threatening to slit the throat of a forum member is an instabanning offence, which is a shame because I'd kind of like to see Elwin on 30th December 2019.
But it hasn't happened (the instaban, that is.) I expect fear we'll see him again.
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Old 13th August 2018, 11:15 AM   #124
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As the person whose throat was in question, I would suggest that (this time at least) the instaban would be unnecessary, as the implication is that such an event would be dependent on the prophesy involved coming true, a situation which would alter the rules of all things, and thus is not a threat of the bannable sort.

This is not to say that the statement was not silly and arrogant and many other things.

Elwin, if you should happen to be reading this, you need to get off your high horse for a moment and remember where you are and whom you are addressing. This is the case whether or not you are right or wrong, and whether or not you are all you say you are.

From the standpoint of this forum, you are anonymous, and your language and statements resemble those of others, false prophets and lunatics all. Even if you are not a false prophet or a lunatic, you cannot reasonably expect any audience here to know that or to give you slack in your pronouncements. Nothing you have said so far distinguishes you from those who have come before. It is arrogant and counterproductive to accuse people here of sins and stupidity, when you know us no better than we know you.

Your only hope of being taken seriously at all is to treat others as you might wish to be treated, to be specific, informative and literate about what you predict, and to have the cojones to stick around so see your prediction through.
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Old 13th August 2018, 01:11 PM   #125
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It was asked a while ago what might true believers be thinking before the big day arrives. I worked with a total fundy, a college grad and at one time an engineer for the airlines.
He came to work one day and said he wouldn't be back to work on Monday. We asked him about his vacation plans. He said, no vacation!, the rapture was coming on Sunday. This was a time period when the "rapture" was a big deal. A popular bumper sticker said "caution the driver may disappear at any time". I live in the LA metro and wondered what it would be like if the drivers of half the cars at rush hour suddenly zipped toward heaven. Well believe it or not he was back at work on Monday. The excuse was that his pastor had used incorrect dates from the bible but was working on a fix. It turns out he had not given away anything he owned but, of course, he had hedged his bet.
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Old 14th August 2018, 10:38 PM   #126
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Originally Posted by Kid Eager View Post
I've got mixed feelings on this one - it would depend on who's the tosser and who's the tossee.

Roaring is a must-have, though. Gotta roar. (what, you've never heard of the Speckled Christmas Filthy Roaring Crab?)
It also depends on your definition of tossing. In British English, this is, shall we say, a stress-relieving activity normally conducted as a solo process. That is not to say that it cannot be a mutual activity: again, as you say, it then would very much depend on who was the tosser.
As for the crabs, are they some sort of presage of the Apocalypse? I always thought it was Horsemen.
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Old 15th August 2018, 03:51 AM   #127
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wtf. I fear the four crabs of the apocalypse now!
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Old 15th August 2018, 07:20 AM   #128
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Originally Posted by TofuFighter View Post
wtf. I fear the four crabs of the apocalypse now!
The Four Crabs of the Apoclawlypse: Claw, Chitin, Plates and Death.
(Death is the same for crabs as it is for anyone else).
I, however, will be saved, as the Crabture will lift me up above the Wrath of the Clawd.
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Old 15th August 2018, 11:44 AM   #129
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Originally Posted by Cosmic Yak View Post
The Four Crabs of the Apoclawlypse: Claw, Chitin, Plates and Death.
(Death is the same for crabs as it is for anyone else).
I, however, will be saved, as the Crabture will lift me up above the Wrath of the Clawd.
And lo, the unbelievers were cracked open, and yea did the butter and garlic flow, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth (while wearing lobster bibs).
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Old 15th August 2018, 11:47 AM   #130
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Keep your towel handy.


Norm
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Old 15th August 2018, 01:58 PM   #131
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Battling the Crabs of the Apocalypse.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg mysteriousisland1961_16895_102320151145.jpg (89.9 KB, 10 views)
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Old 15th August 2018, 02:22 PM   #132
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Originally Posted by Hellbound View Post
And lo, the unbelievers were cracked open, and yea did the butter and garlic flow, and there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth (while wearing lobster bibs).
Whoa there! You obviously haven't been reading the Gospel of Bruce, the Speckled Christmas Filthy Roaring Crab, correctly.

In the Gospel of Bruce 13, verses 21-cumquat (crab verse numbering is different) it refers to crustaceans, not crabs exclusively (at least according to the Esperanto translation).

in the proper church there are the The Four *Crustaceans* of the Apocalypse: Lobster, Crab, Prawn, and Cray (the most mathematically inclined of the Four).
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Old 15th August 2018, 02:58 PM   #133
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That's not Kosher!
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Old 15th August 2018, 06:24 PM   #134
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Originally Posted by Pope130 View Post
Battling the Crabs of the Apocalypse.
A Huge Giant Crab, if anybody gets that reference.
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Old 15th August 2018, 09:09 PM   #135
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Are there any entertaining EOD claims these days. All seems fairly quiet.
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Old 15th August 2018, 09:46 PM   #136
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
Are there any entertaining EOD claims these days. All seems fairly quiet.
That's what *they* want to to think, but have you really be listening?

The Book of Bruce SCFRC sayeth (Bruce had a lisp, after all - very common in crabs) that ye shall not know the day of the thingy until the thingy things, unless you keep a really close eye on the hermit crabs* as they're sneaky little buggers and are likely to be the first to know.

*the Book of Bruce contains frequent negative comments on hermit crabs. Apologists suggest this crabbist attitude is simply a reflection of the times, but modern gospel interpretations suggests it was something more personal.
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Old 16th August 2018, 12:51 AM   #137
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Originally Posted by Kid Eager View Post
Whoa there! You obviously haven't been reading the Gospel of Bruce, the Speckled Christmas Filthy Roaring Crab, correctly.

In the Gospel of Bruce 13, verses 21-cumquat (crab verse numbering is different) it refers to crustaceans, not crabs exclusively (at least according to the Esperanto translation).

in the proper church there are the The Four *Crustaceans* of the Apocalypse: Lobster, Crab, Prawn, and Cray (the most mathematically inclined of the Four).
I'm glad you posted this before we went off on an ignorant tangent.
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Old 16th August 2018, 01:13 AM   #138
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Originally Posted by TofuFighter View Post
I'm glad you posted this before we went off on an ignorant tangent.
Me too. Don't want no going off on ignorant tangents in this thread. This is an equal opportunity thread and all tangents are welcome in the Church of Bruce The Speckled Christmas Filthy Roaring Crab (blessed be its cutting claw).
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Old 16th August 2018, 05:40 PM   #139
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Quote:
It's not the apocalypse that gets you, it's the humidity.
-MST 3000, I think.
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Old 16th August 2018, 07:17 PM   #140
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Originally Posted by Kid Eager View Post
Me too. Don't want no going off on ignorant tangents in this thread. This is an equal opportunity thread and all tangents are welcome in the Church of Bruce The Speckled Christmas Filthy Roaring Crab (blessed be its cutting claw).
http://www.internationalskeptics.com...533e2d1a8e.jpg
He may give ole Spaghetti a run for his money.
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Old 16th August 2018, 07:24 PM   #141
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Nah. The FSM has wenches.
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Old 16th August 2018, 07:47 PM   #142
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
Nah. The FSM has wenches.
Wenches you say..... Arrrrrrrrrrr!

Wait, no! I follow the Way of The Carapace! Blessed be the Cutting Claw!

Are you a hermit crab, by any chance?
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Old 16th August 2018, 09:06 PM   #143
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Originally Posted by Kid Eager View Post
Are you a hermit crab, by any chance?
Moreso every year...
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Old 16th August 2018, 10:08 PM   #144
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Originally Posted by arthwollipot View Post
Moreso every year...
I'll leave a Brodburger on your doorstep next week, then... ;-)
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Old 16th August 2018, 11:37 PM   #145
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Arth, step sideways from your life of solitude and find a new home in the August Crabbage of Bruce's comforting lopsided embrace.
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Old 16th August 2018, 11:48 PM   #146
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Originally Posted by TofuFighter View Post
Arth, step sideways from your life of solitude and find a new home in the August Crabbage of Bruce's comforting lopsided embrace.
Oh crabjious joy! Another convert! Our cast groweth by leaps and scuttles.
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Old 16th August 2018, 11:52 PM   #147
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This thread is finally making sense!!!
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Old 17th August 2018, 12:31 AM   #148
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Originally Posted by GT/CS View Post
This thread is finally making sense!!!
So you're saying you get crabs?
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Old 17th August 2018, 05:41 AM   #149
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well played.
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Old 17th August 2018, 06:03 AM   #150
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Are the last two or three dozen posts to be aahoped any soon?
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Old 17th August 2018, 06:40 AM   #151
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Are you referring to the brief aside about the prophecies in the Gospel of Bruce? Careful not to utter any heretical words, good friend.

Honestly, without further input from the OP, this thread has all but run its course with regard the world's imminent doom. All there is left to do is watch the clock with all the anxiety levels displayed in the last two or three dozen posts.
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Old 17th August 2018, 09:35 AM   #152
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I'd rather prefer to read more evil posts from Edwin Garland and confirm how lucky he is there's no heaven nor hell nor "457 [or any other number of] days". Otherwise he would be going downwards tout suite.

All that noise with references to popular culture only achieves Edwin not posting here. Because be sure he's not gonna be here after the date set by him arrives, because immoral doomsdayers behave invariably that way.
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Horrible dipsomaniacs and other addicts, be gone and get treated, or covfefe your soul!These fora are full of scientists and specialists. Most of them turn back to pumpkins the second they log out.
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Old 17th August 2018, 10:00 AM   #153
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Originally Posted by aleCcowaN View Post
I'd rather prefer to read more evil posts from Edwin Garland and confirm how lucky he is there's no heaven nor hell nor "457 [or any other number of] days". Otherwise he would be going downwards tout suite.

All that noise with references to popular culture only achieves Edwin not posting here. Because be sure he's not gonna be here after the date set by him arrives, because immoral doomsdayers behave invariably that way.
Elwin.

[/nitpick]
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Old 17th August 2018, 03:05 PM   #154
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Originally Posted by aleCcowaN View Post
Are the last two or three dozen posts to be aahoped any soon?
Hey, that's some of my errr... Bruce's best work - not that we set a very high bar!
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Old 17th August 2018, 03:12 PM   #155
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Originally Posted by Trebuchet View Post
Elwin.

[/nitpick]

Thank you. I don't know if it's a racial thing but all Erwins look alike to me.
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Horrible dipsomaniacs and other addicts, be gone and get treated, or covfefe your soul!These fora are full of scientists and specialists. Most of them turn back to pumpkins the second they log out.
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Old 17th August 2018, 03:14 PM   #156
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Originally Posted by Kid Eager View Post
Hey, that's some of my errr... Bruce's best work - not that we set a very high bar!

You're all forcing me to watch a movie that I always rejected.
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Horrible dipsomaniacs and other addicts, be gone and get treated, or covfefe your soul!These fora are full of scientists and specialists. Most of them turn back to pumpkins the second they log out.
I got tired of the actual schizophrenics that are taking hold part of the forum and decided to do something about it.
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Old 17th August 2018, 03:41 PM   #157
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Originally Posted by aleCcowaN View Post
You're all forcing me to watch a movie that I always rejected.
You say that like itís a bad thing. Come, feel the power of the dark side...
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Old 17th August 2018, 06:55 PM   #158
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They cannot be stopped!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNKgh6TfWXo
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Old 17th August 2018, 07:11 PM   #159
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Originally Posted by aleCcowaN View Post
Thank you. I don't know if it's a racial thing but all Erwins look alike to me.
+1!
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Old 27th December 2018, 06:50 AM   #160
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Originally Posted by Agatha View Post
If my arithmetic is correct, this is an apocalyptic prophecy for 28th December 2018.

Elwin Garland, would you like to expand on what is going to happen on that day, and why?

Well, Elwin, this is the day before The Big Day. I guess the cleansing of the filth will commence sometime after midnight. At any rate, do you have any more details about tomorrow?

Elwin?

Elwin?

ELLLLWWWINNNN!
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