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Tags Bird Conspiracies , CT humor

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Old 28th October 2018, 09:08 AM   #1
tinribmancer
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Birds Aren't Real

So, I was checking the saloon bar at RW and bumped against a topic that had this link:

https://birdsarentreal.com/

Quote:
Recent surveys have revealed that 99.5% of the general public still believe in "Birds." I know, I was shocked too. That said, it is our DUTY as Bird Truthers to remove the blinders from their eyes and welcome them into the light of the truth. Together, we can shift society's perception of what flies above us.
This "movement" is also active in Canada & Australia...

I...I...I just can't...

Insane Asylums. Seriously, why are these hybrids allowed to roam free in the wild??
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Old 28th October 2018, 09:33 AM   #2
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They're quite clearly taking the piss.
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Old 28th October 2018, 09:35 AM   #3
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Waiting for Trump tweet in 3...2...1...
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Old 28th October 2018, 01:50 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Norman Alexander View Post
Waiting for Trump tweet in 3...2...1...
A tweet, huh? You're clearly one of them.

Wake up tweet-ple!
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Old 28th October 2018, 02:21 PM   #5
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when I flip a bird, it's very real.
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Old 28th October 2018, 02:34 PM   #6
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It's always stunning to see how gullible people are. I mean, you see the 'birds' on electrical wires. You couldn't figure out that they are government built surveillance drones, recharging their batteries?

Cockatoos can't melt steel beams, people.
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Old 28th October 2018, 02:43 PM   #7
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I don't buy it.

I mean, I have eaten birds! I haven't eaten any of the alleged "Boeings" that allegedly crashed on 9/11, nor have I eaten any of the alleged "children" that allegedly were shot at Sandy Hooks. But I have eaten birds!
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Old 28th October 2018, 02:47 PM   #8
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Yeah I saw a few of these plastered around our neighborhood's hipster neighborhood a while back and I don't like it. Yeah it's obviously a parody, performance art, or possible viral marketing for something; no version of this works if you look at it "straight" but here and now is hardly the time to do conspiratorial nonsense jokingly.
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Old 28th October 2018, 02:48 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Oystein View Post
I don't buy it.

I mean, I have eaten birds! I haven't eaten any of the alleged "Boeings" that allegedly crashed on 9/11, nor have I eaten any of the alleged "children" that allegedly were shot at Sandy Hooks. But I have eaten birds!
Chickens aren't birds. Turkeys either. That's how deep the Conspiracy runs.

You think that was some benign bird you ate? Ever had it tested by a lab? There is this one dude in his garage who is the worlds foremost expert on avian biomechanics and he Xeroxed a book on the subject. Educate yourself.
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:00 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by JoeMorgue View Post
Yeah I saw a few of these plastered around our neighborhood's hipster neighborhood a while back and I don't like it. Yeah it's obviously a parody, performance art, or possible viral marketing for something; no version of this works if you look at it "straight" but here and now is hardly the time to do conspiratorial nonsense jokingly.
I give it about a year before it becomes a sincere YT movement.
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:16 PM   #11
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Well this is sure going to ruin Thanksgiving!
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:27 PM   #12
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The blowfly: Australia's National Bird.
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...our governments are just trying to protect us from terror. In the same way that someone banging a hornets’ nest with a stick is trying to protect us from hornets. Frankie Boyle, Guardian, July 2015
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:36 PM   #13
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Of course “birds” aren’t real.

They’re dinosaurs.
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:42 PM   #14
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Loonies like him risk getting ostrichized.

ETA: On the other hand: It would explain why nobody's been able to get footage of the fire-starting birds!
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Last edited by dann; 28th October 2018 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 28th October 2018, 03:53 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Mojo View Post
Of course “birds” aren’t real.

They’re dinosaurs.
And there's no such thing as fish either!
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Old 28th October 2018, 07:23 PM   #16
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"Hear us, you who are no more than leaves always falling, you mortals benighted by nature,
You enfeebled and powerless creatures of earth always haunting a world of mere shadows,
Entities without wings, insubstantial as dreams, you ephemeral things, you human beings:
Turn your minds to our words, our etherial words, for the words of the birds last forever!"

--Aristophanes, The Birds

Also,

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Old 28th October 2018, 07:26 PM   #17
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Bird is the word. Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word.
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Old 28th October 2018, 07:31 PM   #18
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To bird, or not to bird...
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Old 28th October 2018, 11:59 PM   #19
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Difficult to see how this thread is in "Conspiracies", and not with Baylor's thread about Trudeau being transgender in Humour.......given that the precedent has now been set.
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Old 29th October 2018, 12:06 AM   #20
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Birds are a manufactured scapegoat for Big Guano.
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Old 29th October 2018, 12:15 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Thermal View Post
Chickens aren't birds. Turkeys either. That's how deep the Conspiracy runs.

You think that was some benign bird you ate? Ever had it tested by a lab? There is this one dude in his garage who is the worlds foremost expert on avian biomechanics and he Xeroxed a book on the subject. Educate yourself.
I once ate a benign bird. When I picked her up she was cold.. frigid even but she soon warmed up and got quite hot.*


*then I woke up.

Last edited by Hungry81; 29th October 2018 at 12:18 AM.
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Old 29th October 2018, 01:56 AM   #22
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What are birds? We just don't know.
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Old 29th October 2018, 02:17 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by gerdbonk View Post
--Aristophanes, The Birds
Enough of your disinformation. Everyone knows it was Hitchcock, not some Greek guy.

Dave
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Old 29th October 2018, 02:37 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by MikeG View Post
Difficult to see how this thread is in "Conspiracies", and not with Baylor's thread about Trudeau being transgender in Humour.......given that the precedent has now been set.
False equivalence. Trudeau isn’t a robot pretending to be a bird. Do keep up!
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Old 29th October 2018, 03:54 AM   #25
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This is funny:

Quote:
In a stolen transcript from an ex-CIA deputy, she says,” yeah, the higher ups were so annoyed that birds had been dropping fecal matter on their car windows that they vowed to wipe out every single flying feathered creature in North America.”

As we learned in the previous chapter, this was just one of the reasons that the government came up with to eliminate the birds.
Quote:
23 men from within the Boeing Engineering department travelled to Area 51 in the back of an old school bus that they purchased from a salvage yard in Mukilteo Washington. They were seen by a few individuals bringing couches and rugs into the bus, and were also heard discussing and I quote,” really cool playlists for the road trip.”

Clearly, the Boeing Engineers didn’t get the memo from Dulles about remaining undetected, and actually painted “Area 51 or bust” on both sides of the bus. Whenever they would stop for gas, they would set up a makeshift campsite in the parking lot and sing songs with titles such as “I left my Honey for Area 51,” and,” Let’s Kill all the Birds.” They attracted a lot of attention, and the locals of a town in Idaho claimed that the men would reveal intimate details of what they were doing. Clearly, they were complete idiots; but their idiocy is one of the hardest pieces of evidence on how the government killed the birds.
Quote:
As I said a few paragraphs ago, the President was unaware what was going on until October 3rd, 1963; when a top CIA official was overheard speaking about the operation over a tapped phone. John F. Kennedy was the President at this time, and had tapped the phone of Alvin B. Cleaver (Internal Communications Director for the CIA). Kennedy believed that Cleaver was stealing his ham sandwich from the White House Kitchen, and vowed to catch him speaking about it over the phone.
Quote:
On October 25th, 1963 Kennedy was shown a prototype of the Turkey X500- a robot that specialized in killing larger birds like eagles and falcons. The robot displayed its surveillance skills, as well as its ability to find and track escaped criminals (as we learned from chapter 1, this was one of the things that drove Eisenhower to approve the project.) Kennedy was impressed with what he was shown, but continued to demand the immediate shutdown of the operation; and less than a month later he was dead. Now I’m not saying that these events are correlated, but I am. JFK was murdered by the CIA because he was against the mass murder of every feathered flying creature in the United States.

That's all in chapter one. It's hilarious reading.
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Old 29th October 2018, 04:12 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Mojo View Post
Of course “birds” aren’t real.

They’re dinosaurs.
Boo! I wanted to post that.
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Old 29th October 2018, 06:50 PM   #27
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Try telling the to the people of Bodega Bay...
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Old 30th October 2018, 01:20 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by p0lka View Post
And there's no such thing as fish either!

Birds are also fish.
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Old 30th October 2018, 01:56 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by p0lka View Post
And there's no such thing as fish either!
Blue Whale !
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Old 30th October 2018, 08:03 PM   #30
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Is it true there are no birds in Ireland?
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Old 30th October 2018, 11:20 PM   #31
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I presume these nut jobs, if they're in any way serious, have never eaten chicken.
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Old 31st October 2018, 10:22 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by MikeG View Post
I presume these nut jobs, if they're in any way serious, have never eaten chicken.
Neither have you. That was NOT chicken!!!
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Old 3rd November 2018, 11:55 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by MikeG View Post
Difficult to see how this thread is in "Conspiracies", and not with Baylor's thread about Trudeau being transgender in Humour.......given that the precedent has now been set.
lolwut?

I think those people have been taking "Birdemic" too serious...
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