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Old 4th March 2021, 12:46 AM   #1
dann
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The Resurrection

I know it's still early, but has it happened yet?
Are there any contingency plans? Any new dates for the next resurrection if this one fails?
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx
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Old 4th March 2021, 01:15 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by dann View Post
Any new dates for the next resurrection if this one fails?
In two weeks, I suppose.
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Old 4th March 2021, 01:35 AM   #3
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it has already happened, but no one in the Biden Administration or the rest of the Government will be told until 2025, for reasons of operational security.
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Old 4th March 2021, 04:22 AM   #4
dann
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I guess they could announce Stephanie Clifford as the guest speaker at the event. That gives them the option to point out that they were misinterpreted:
They never claimed that The Storm was coming. They have been talking about Stormy the whole time!
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx
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Old 4th March 2021, 04:37 AM   #5
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Trump Hotel Rates Are Over $1,300 on March 4—the Date in a Wild QAnon Theory (WP, Feb. 25, 2021)
QAnon Already Turning Back on March 4 Theory as Day of Donald Trump Prophecy Arrives (Newsweek, March 4, 2021)
I hope they can still cancel their reservations.
Maybe they can transfer them to these guys:
US Capitol police warn of possible militia plot to breach Congress (BBC News, March 4, 2021)
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx
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Old 4th March 2021, 04:45 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by dann View Post
I know it's still early, but has it happened yet?
Are there any contingency plans? Any new dates for the next resurrection if this one fails?
In 2000 years, Trump will still be the messiah of this cult, and they'll still predict His return and coronation. There will be saints and prayers and holy books, mark my words.
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Old 4th March 2021, 07:29 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Belz... View Post
In 2000 years, Trump will still be the messiah of this cult, and they'll still predict His return and coronation. There will be saints and prayers and holy books, mark my words.
Will He return on January 6 or some other arbitrary, but significant, date?
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Old 4th March 2021, 07:51 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Gord_in_Toronto View Post
Will He return on January 6 or some other arbitrary, but significant, date?

He'll return in two weeks.
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Old 4th March 2021, 08:03 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Gord_in_Toronto View Post
Will He return on January 6 or some other arbitrary, but significant, date?
April 20.
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Old 4th March 2021, 08:13 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
April 20.
Niiiice!



Wait, was that a pot joke or a Hitler joke?
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Old 4th March 2021, 09:15 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by Dr. Keith View Post
Niiiice!



Wait, was that a pot joke or a Hitler joke?
As a WAG I would have thought April 1st.
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Old 4th March 2021, 11:43 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Armitage72 View Post
He'll return in two weeks.


This is the One True Answer.
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Old 4th March 2021, 12:06 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
April 20.

You got the month wrong.

Quote:
Met Ken, who informed me that Trump is still in command of the military, and Trump will be inaugurated again on March 20. (Biden is acting as president as a ruse while the Pope and others are rounded up.)
March 4 Isn’t the Only Date on the QAnon Calendar (Washingtonian quoting a tweet, March 1, 2021)

ETA: But it doesn't say 2021 ...
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx

Last edited by dann; 4th March 2021 at 12:09 PM.
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Old 4th March 2021, 12:15 PM   #14
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Old 4th March 2021, 12:26 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Belz... View Post
In 2000 years, Trump will still be the messiah of this cult, and they'll still predict His return and coronation. There will be saints and prayers and holy books, mark my words.
The books will be filled with stories (sorry, parables) of His defiance of the three headed Squad, a three headed beast, the evil Pelosi and the vile Antifa, who tried to prevent his sacred return on the 6th day of the new year by engaging in riotous and unruly behaviour.

Can't wait to hear how the former loyal follower betrayed Him, the most loyal of Men, by not defying the false electors who did not confirm him, or how He resisted the temptations of the Storm(y).
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Old 4th March 2021, 01:40 PM   #16
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The Trump cult of personality is treading the boundaries of realism.

If any of these nuts' descendants survive to the next century they will be telling the Legend of Donald Trump.
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Old 4th March 2021, 01:58 PM   #17
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I'm surprised none of them have claimed he will return on April 4th.
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Old 4th March 2021, 04:24 PM   #18
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what's march 4 on the mayan calendar?
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Old 4th March 2021, 08:05 PM   #19
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Don't we have to do the thing with the wood, the thorns, the nails, and the spear first?
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Old 4th March 2021, 08:15 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by bobdroege7 View Post
Don't we have to do the thing with the wood, the thorns, the nails, and the spear first?
Don't be a tease.
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Old 4th March 2021, 08:49 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by bobdroege7 View Post
Don't we have to do the thing with the wood, the thorns, the nails, and the spear first?
I got junk mail from the Jehovah's Witnesses today. It included this line:

Quote:
It's about this time of year that people began thinking of Jesus and what he did for us that is to die on a torture steak so we could be reconciled to GOD. Just think living forever in a paradise earth. This invitation I've sent is for a talk that will be given on his death and how we will benefit.
There's so much there to unpack! But I am loving "torture steak". Did it come with sides? They didn't have potatoes there at that time, so what would it have been? I'm guessing whatever it was wouldn't include bacon bits, unless they did it deliberately to offend.
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Old 4th March 2021, 11:34 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
I got junk mail from the Jehovah's Witnesses today. It included this line:



There's so much there to unpack! But I am loving "torture steak". Did it come with sides? They didn't have potatoes there at that time, so what would it have been? I'm guessing whatever it was wouldn't include bacon bits, unless they did it deliberately to offend.
Asparagus spears.
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Old 5th March 2021, 05:56 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Stacyhs View Post
Asparagus spears.
And thirty carrot coins!
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Old 5th March 2021, 06:56 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
I got junk mail from the Jehovah's Witnesses today. It included this line:
Yeah as if God actually died. Pfft.
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Old 5th March 2021, 07:53 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Border Reiver View Post
The books will be filled with stories (sorry, parables) of His defiance of the three headed Squad, a three headed beast, the evil Pelosi and the vile Antifa, who tried to prevent his sacred return on the 6th day of the new year by engaging in riotous and unruly behaviour.


Heretic! No Tru Trumpist(tm) would ever support the Januaryist heresy! That blasphemous date celebrates the day the Demon Anitfa twisted The Holy Trump's Perfect Speech of Peace, and used it as an excuse to attack the Capitol under a false flag!

Renoucne the Januaryist heresy, lest we find ourselves thrown into the outer darkness of another Bidemon presidency!
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Old 5th March 2021, 08:45 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Belz... View Post
Yeah as if God actually died. Pfft.
Dead gods are plentiful in mythology, the innovation here is "torture steak". I can't decide if that's a steak so good it's torture to see it but not get any, or if it's a steak so bad it hurts you to eat it. I've experienced both but not to the point of fatality. Usually with a very good steak the torture is the bill.
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Old 5th March 2021, 08:50 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Dead gods are plentiful in mythology
Yeah but God didn't actually die since he's omnipotent and, you know, still doing stuff, apparently. It's a con! Jesus was just messing with us.
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Old 5th March 2021, 08:52 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Belz... View Post
Yeah but God didn't actually die since he's omnipotent and, you know, still doing stuff, apparently. It's a con! Jesus was just messing with us.
Bill Bailey's theory is that Jesus faked his own death to boost sales of his book.
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Old 5th March 2021, 08:53 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
I got junk mail from the Jehovah's Witnesses today. It included this line:



There's so much there to unpack! But I am loving "torture steak". Did it come with sides? They didn't have potatoes there at that time, so what would it have been? I'm guessing whatever it was wouldn't include bacon bits, unless they did it deliberately to offend.
Obviously a typo. S/B TourtièreWP

Though making one with steak would be overkill.
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Old 5th March 2021, 09:27 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Bill Bailey's theory is that Jesus faked his own death to boost sales of his book.
That makes a whole lot of sense!
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Old 5th March 2021, 09:30 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Bill Bailey's theory is that Jesus faked his own death to boost sales of his book.
Actually, it was to get out of paying taxes- which has totally worked, BTW.
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Old 5th March 2021, 09:33 AM   #32
dann
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Originally Posted by Belz... View Post
Jesus was just messing with us.
No, that one was just a crisis actor pretending to be Christ.
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx
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Old 5th March 2021, 09:36 AM   #33
dann
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They prepare for March 20, too:
Quote:
About 5,200 Guard members remain on duty in Washington, where the sprawling security operation costs $2 million per week to maintain. The Guard’s mission here is scheduled to end March 12, but the Capitol Police has asked that it be extended for 60 days.
At the Capitol, a March 4 threat from militant Trump supporters proves a mirage (WP, March 4, 2021)
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"Stupidity renders itself invisible by assuming very large proportions. Completely unreasonable claims are irrefutable. Ni-en-leh pointed out that a philosopher might get into trouble by claiming that two times two makes five, but he does not risk much by claiming that two times two makes shoe polish." B. Brecht
"The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." K. Marx
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Old 5th March 2021, 12:57 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by TragicMonkey View Post
Dead gods are plentiful in mythology, the innovation here is "torture steak". I can't decide if that's a steak so good it's torture to see it but not get any, or if it's a steak so bad it hurts you to eat it. I've experienced both but not to the point of fatality. Usually with a very good steak the torture is the bill.

It’s a well-done steak smothered with ketchup.


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Old 5th March 2021, 01:12 PM   #35
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Steak and pancakes at the temple.
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Old 7th March 2021, 02:50 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by dann View Post
I guess they could announce Stephanie Clifford as the guest speaker at the event. That gives them the option to point out that they were misinterpreted:
They never claimed that The Storm was coming. They have been talking about Stormy the whole time!
I find it hard to believe she did. Well, maybe when the $130,000 cheque arrived...
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Old 7th March 2021, 05:23 AM   #37
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Ah, yeah, sorry about that. The rapture already happened on December 20'th 2012. Turns out the Mayans were counting down to SOMETHING all right.

Unfortunately almost nobody qualified. You lot obviously didn't.

Remember the part about "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"? (Matt 5:3) Yeah, turns out it actually did mean the retarded.

Remember that part about "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart"? (Matt 5:28) Yeah, turns out that the only way to qualify is to pretty much not have even heard of sex, much less thought of it.

So, anyway, long story short: the only ones who actually qualified were a husband and wife in rural Alabama, who had been praying for a child for almost 5 years, but nobody had told them that they have to meet God half way and do something about it themselves too. Allegedly their last words between being whisked to heavens in a flash of light were, "Wait... wait... we could have been putting what into where?"

Truly an inspiration to us all.

And yeah, Jesus did come down for the event, but is now on his way back to heaven. Well, after they finally sort out that mishap where the airport lost his luggage.
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Old 8th March 2021, 04:34 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by HansMustermann View Post
Ah, yeah, sorry about that. The rapture already happened on December 20'th 2012. Turns out the Mayans were counting down to SOMETHING all right.

Unfortunately almost nobody qualified. You lot obviously didn't.

Remember the part about "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"? (Matt 5:3) Yeah, turns out it actually did mean the retarded.

Remember that part about "whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart"? (Matt 5:28) Yeah, turns out that the only way to qualify is to pretty much not have even heard of sex, much less thought of it.

So, anyway, long story short: the only ones who actually qualified were a husband and wife in rural Alabama, who had been praying for a child for almost 5 years, but nobody had told them that they have to meet God half way and do something about it themselves too. Allegedly their last words between being whisked to heavens in a flash of light were, "Wait... wait... we could have been putting what into where?"

Truly an inspiration to us all.

And yeah, Jesus did come down for the event, but is now on his way back to heaven. Well, after they finally sort out that mishap where the airport lost his luggage.
They will be telling Trump parables for decades to come.
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Old 8th March 2021, 05:05 PM   #39
acbytesla
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Originally Posted by The Great Zaganza View Post
it has already happened, but no one in the Biden Administration or the rest of the Government will be told until 2025, for reasons of operational security.
I just drove past a house alongside a highway near Castle Rock Washington They still have a Trump sign and the GOP losing candidate for Governor as well as a sign that says Biden isn't the President.
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Old 10th March 2021, 12:50 AM   #40
Stacyhs
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Originally Posted by acbytesla View Post
I just drove past a house alongside a highway near Castle Rock Washington They still have a Trump sign and the GOP losing candidate for Governor as well as a sign that says Biden isn't the President.
I bet there's a pickup truck with rifle in the back window and a JESUS SAVES sticker on the bumper, too.
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