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Old 21st November 2008, 05:15 PM   #1
EGarrett
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The law of gravity necessitates a God.

I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.

But according to our observations, the earth itself rests upon nothing. Therefore, LOGIC necessitates an unlifted lifter. This is God.

I hope my point is clear.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:20 PM   #2
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Sounds fair enough. My previous skepticism is overturned. You can count me as one of your converts.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:21 PM   #3
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Count me in as another one of your converts. Your logic is iron-clad.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:23 PM   #4
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But... Who is holding up who is holding the thing that holds up the Earth?!!!
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:24 PM   #5
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It's elephants all the way down.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:27 PM   #6
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Well, creationists have known all along what truthers have only recently discovered. We'd need a source of gravity, otherwise burning buildings would never collapse on their own. Everyone knows that without God, skyscrapers would fall UP.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:29 PM   #7
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I'm sorry, but you have it backwards.

It is the fact that things fall that is unnatural. Look in space, everything floats!
The reason we don't float down here on earth is because something is holding us to the ground.

That's right, intelligent falling. The only logical alternative to gravity. Curvy space? Bent time? This is all non-sense. Any rational person can see that someone must be holding us down!

And for any being to be holding us down, he must have LOTS of arms, or appendages.

The evidence of this can be seen from the fact that humans have been getting taller. This is because there is more of us now, and it is more difficult for him to push down on all of us as hard. Therefor midgets are obviously chosen.

Think about it? What kind of being could have enough appendages to hold us all to the earth, and appendages that are flexible enough to follow us wherever we go and get all tangled with each other.

Obviously it is none other than Our LORD the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

May HIS Red Sauce run thick, always

RAmen.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:30 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Zep View Post
But... Who is holding up who is holding the thing that holds up the Earth?!!!
God by definition is the unlifted lifter. He must be, it's the only possible explanation. Don't you see?
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:46 PM   #9
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Yup, I see. Like I told you, you've got me convinced.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:57 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by EGarrett View Post
I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.

But according to our observations, the earth itself rests upon nothing. Therefore, LOGIC necessitates an unlifted lifter. This is God.

I hope my point is clear.
Wow, man. That's heavy.
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Old 21st November 2008, 05:57 PM   #11
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You are too late.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39512
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Old 22nd November 2008, 01:44 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Zep View Post
But... Who is holding up who is holding the thing that holds up the Earth?!!!
Ooh, you had me, and now you lost me.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 01:50 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post
You are too late.
Time is an allusion
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Old 22nd November 2008, 02:28 AM   #14
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Aren't you talking about the Sun? Doesn't the Sun hold us in place?
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Old 22nd November 2008, 02:38 AM   #15
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Talking

Originally Posted by IndridCold View Post
Aren't you talking about the Sun? Doesn't the Sun hold us in place?
That’s why I stopped reading that sorry excuse for a newspaper.

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Old 22nd November 2008, 02:40 AM   #16
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Just so I'm on the same page as everyone else, which way is up from God's perspective?
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Old 22nd November 2008, 02:40 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by IndridCold View Post
Aren't you talking about the Sun? Doesn't the Sun hold us in place?
Heliocentricism? Pah! Any fule kno that Torquay is the timeless, motionless centre of the Universe
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Old 22nd November 2008, 02:42 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by daSkeptic View Post
Just so I'm on the same page as everyone else, which way is up from God's perspective?
The way his pecker goes when heathens like you prostrate themselves before him
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Old 22nd November 2008, 03:39 AM   #19
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I, like the Drain, am totally and utterly convinced there is a God.

Wow.

That has blown my mind.

The awes of logic.

I guess every atheistic professor that has studied the universe for decades are completely incorrect, and this foolproof theory will rock their beliefs at the very basis.

Theist intellectuals (who again have been studying these topics as focal points in their lives) will definitely be all over this one and add it to their arsenal of bulletproof ************.

Well done on a marvellous discovery Pr. E. Garrett.

Alex.

Last edited by Legend; 22nd November 2008 at 03:44 AM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 22nd November 2008, 03:58 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by I Ratant View Post
It's elephants all the way down.
UNBELIEVER! EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S TURTLES! STONE THE HERETIC!
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Old 22nd November 2008, 04:22 AM   #21
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I love you people.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 05:27 AM   #22
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I hope this is a troll. It would be sad if someone actually believed this.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 05:53 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Damien Evans View Post
I hope this is a troll. It would be sad if someone actually believed this.
Sigh. Time to break out the dictionary.

Satire. Parody. They are the Twin Goddesses of internet humor.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 06:10 AM   #24
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Unbelievers fail at having gravitas.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 06:30 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by EGarrett View Post
God by definition is the unlifted lifter. He must be, it's the only possible explanation. Don't you see?

OK, but that's all He does. Nothing else.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 06:39 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Björn Toulouse View Post
OK, but that's all He does. Nothing else.

Well, it's all he can do to hold us up, and without him, we'd have nothing!.

Maybe that's why he can't find time to do any real miracles and heal amputees and so forth. The world is probably pretty damn heavy.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 06:47 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by EGarrett View Post
I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.

But according to our observations, the earth itself rests upon nothing. Therefore, LOGIC necessitates an unlifted lifter. This is God.

I hope my point is clear.
You're not going to win friends and influence people with these lines. I think my point is clear you creationist scum. Actually that was a joke but you may take it seriously if you want to.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 07:07 AM   #28
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Creationist scum, evolutionist scum, atheist scum... hell. How about you human scum?

Digital lifeforms FTW.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 07:29 AM   #29
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Someone open a window; the air is just getting too funky in here :-/
Quote:
I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.
Trying to make it real compared to what?

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Old 22nd November 2008, 07:36 AM   #30
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There is, in fact, no law of gravity. At least, not here in Missouri. I have looked through the state statutes in detail, and I can attest that there is no statute or ordinance that states that all bodies have some shared attractive force, or that objects in Earth's gravity must fall at 33 fps squared, or any other such thing.
As far as the state of Missouri is concerned, you may freely float off into space.
(provided you don't litter on the way, or interfere with commercial airline traffic.)
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Old 22nd November 2008, 07:36 AM   #31
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Quote:
It is the fact that things fall that is unnatural. Look in space, everything floats!
The reason we don't float down here on earth is because something is holding us to the ground.
No! You don't float because you SIN! Jesus never sinned and he could walk on water and fly up to heaven! You must turn to god before you burn in eternal HELLFIRE!

This thread rocks.

Quote:
There is, in fact, no law of gravity. At least, not here in Missouri. I have looked through the state statutes in detail, and I can attest that there is no statute or ordinance that states that all bodies have some shared attractive force, or that objects in Earth's gravity must fall at 33 fps squared, or any other such thing.
Gasp!
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Old 22nd November 2008, 07:50 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by IndridCold View Post
Aren't you talking about the Sun? Doesn't the Sun hold us in place?
When you drop a pen, does it fall toward the sun?? Of course not!! We observe that things fall DOWN when they are not lifted. The earth and the "sun" do NOT fall. Thus we must have an Unlifted Lifter. We can observe this! We have no other explanation! It must be God. And don't you dare call it magic!

Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post
A good find, and a good idea, but it is not actually the same.

Originally Posted by Legend View Post
I, like the Drain, am totally and utterly convinced there is a God.

Wow.

That has blown my mind.

The awes of logic.

I guess every atheistic professor that has studied the universe for decades are completely incorrect, and this foolproof theory will rock their beliefs at the very basis.

Theist intellectuals (who again have been studying these topics as focal points in their lives) will definitely be all over this one and add it to their arsenal of bulletproof ************.

Well done on a marvellous discovery Pr. E. Garrett.

Alex.
Thank you!

Originally Posted by Lonewulf View Post
Sigh. Time to break out the dictionary.

Satire. Parody. They are the Twin Goddesses of internet humor.
Nonsense! What could I possibly be satirizing??
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Old 22nd November 2008, 08:27 AM   #33
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Being serious for a second, what do you say when people say "The laws of nature, the laws of gravity are proof there is a designer"?

The response is important, as many people tend to honestly believe this is rock solid evidence there is a designer.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 08:38 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by EGarrett View Post
I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.

But according to our observations, the earth itself rests upon nothing. Therefore, LOGIC necessitates an unlifted lifter. This is God.

I hope my point is clear.

It's pea-brained turtles all the way down!
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The government should nationalize it! Socialized, single-payer video game development and sales now! More, cheaper, better games, right? Right?
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Old 22nd November 2008, 09:10 AM   #35
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I prefer a large disc.


Held up by 4 elephants.


Standing on a giant turtle.


Whose sex is yet to be determined.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 09:21 AM   #36
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There is no such thing as gravity.

The Earth sucks.

That is all.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 09:22 AM   #37
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God and His attending angels.
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Old 22nd November 2008, 09:35 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by Apathia View Post
Unbelievers fail at having gravitas.
.
Gravitas and Cooper's droop... enemies of us all!
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Old 22nd November 2008, 09:50 AM   #39
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"The law of gravity necessitates a God.
I know you atheist scum don't like to hear this, but I have to confront you with the truth.

Look at the world around you, you will observe that there is a law of gravity. Everything that we see rests upon something else. If something is lifted, it must be LIFTED by something. Otherwise, it drops.

But according to our observations, the earth itself rests upon nothing. Therefore, LOGIC necessitates an unlifted lifter. This is God.

I hope my point is clear."

Moronic blather like this makes me want to come up with a stronger mocking response than LOLOLOLOLO
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Old 22nd November 2008, 10:10 AM   #40
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Re gravity; I get brewers droop. therefore there is no god. he/she couldnt be that cruel.
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