How 9/11 Was REALLY Done

Dr Adequate · 16th January 2009, 04:05 AM

The Conspirators

Three men can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin

The Republicans came, and the Democrats too,
'cos they're all the same party (I guess that you knew)
and Jew after Jew after Jew after Jew,
and some guys in black suits (CIA).
There were people from Bilderberg, FEMA and NIST,
there were people so secret they barely exist;
the Masons had gatecrashed, they weren't on the list,
but Cheney allowed them to stay.

There were people who said they were friends of Karl Rove's,
and the bankers turned up in their limos and droves,
quite enough for a dozen Bohemian Groves,
'til the meeting was packed wall to wall.
There were people whose badges just said "FBI";
there were folks representing the FDNY,
and the Federal Reserve (though I still don't know why)
and old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

***

Then Cheney addressed them, and said, with a sneer:
"I assume you all know why I've gathered you here.
We're agreed on mass-murder", he said (to a cheer)
"but there's something we haven't resolved.
Although I'm an evil despicable man
--- no, hold your applause --- I can't think of a plan
to destroy the Twin Towers, be darned if I can ...
so we got all you people involved."

Some cried: "Use a missile disguised as a plane!"
some spoke up for lasers, while others again
opined it was clear to a man with a brain
that holograms ought to be used.
Then FEMA declared they could do it themselves
with some classified hardware they kept on the shelves;
but: "You'll need our assistance!" cried all Keebler's Elves ---
and the meeting grew slightly confused.

The people from NIST said: "To make people die, on
the whole, it's explosives you ought to rely on"
--- some clapped, but the senior Elder of Zion
said: "Really? Explosives? ... perhaps ...
but it sounds rather iffy ... if I may advance
an idea that's a cert and leaves nothing to chance
then we Jews have a plan that's quite foolproof --- let's dance!
and the buildings are sure to collapse."

Some argued for "pods", whereas others expressed
the opinion that "squibs" give atrocities zest.
Some said: "If they're silent, then nukes would be best",
but others denounced this as bull.
They said: "We reject and rebut your position:
let's not mess about with your fusion or fission;
conventional missiles will do for this mission";
and Larry said: "What if we pull?"

The debate grew quite heated and dragged on for hours
as they looked for a way to demolish the Towers:
some argued for death rays with magical powers,
and others said thermite was nice.
When the argument's heat gave no promise of dropping,
they bickered and wrangled all night without stopping,
and sent out for pizzas with twelve kinds of topping,
and fought for the very last slice.

Then the man they called "Dubya" got up from his seat;
he banged with his gavel, he rose to his feet,
and he said: "Here's a plan that I think can't be beat:
let's do the caboodle --- the lot!
Use holograms, thermite, and lasers and things,
and explosives and missiles and pigs that have wings ---
'cos we all know that added complexity brings
more chance of success to a plot."

***

Then some guy started laughing and punching the air,
and the plotters observed, as they turned round to stare,
on the delegate's badge that they gave him to wear:
"Dylan Avery, Second Class Shill";
and he sat and he scribbled his notes all the while,
and was heard to remark with a curious smile:
"If this won't make people go into denial
I don't think that anything will."

EvilBiker · 16th January 2009, 04:27 AM

Dave Rogers · 16th January 2009, 05:23 AM

Seconded, and nominated.

Dave

GStan · 16th January 2009, 05:28 AM

Just brilliant. Gracias Doc.

JoeyDonuts · 16th January 2009, 06:08 AM

Wow...Just..

I'm actually teary-eyed. And I'm a computer program, I didn't think that could happen.

articulett · 16th January 2009, 07:19 AM

(I got to hear him read it out loud! *smug*

)

Ragnarok · 16th January 2009, 10:08 AM

Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.

GStan · 16th January 2009, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by Ragnarok

Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.

Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole.

Bell · 16th January 2009, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by Dave Rogers

Seconded, and nominated.

Dave

Thirded, and seconded on the nomination.

Ragnarok · 16th January 2009, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by GStan

Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole.

Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults.

Dr Adequate · 16th January 2009, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Ragnarok

Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.

Which you know about how?

---

In any case, I call poetic license.

Tandem Thinking · 16th January 2009, 12:20 PM

Muy Excelente.

Loved the punch line.

VespaGuy · 16th January 2009, 01:11 PM

Wonderful.

This just begs for Seussian illustrations.

c6gunner · 16th January 2009, 04:52 PM

Amazing

I'd love to see a reading of this posted to youtube.

JoeyDonuts · 16th January 2009, 05:49 PM

If I was any good at flash animation, I'd give this a surrealist Dr. Seuss-type animation and hope to FSM we could get Penn Gillette to narrate it.

ETA: Or maybe Levar Burton could give this the Reading Rainbow treatment.

But you don't have to take my word for it.

BA-DUM-DUMM!

articulett · 16th January 2009, 06:06 PM

No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role.

His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard.

Really.

JoeyDonuts · 16th January 2009, 06:52 PM

I'm picturing a lot of throat-clearing and harumphs.

And perhaps between each stanza he could complain about how dreadfully hot it is.

Bobert · 16th January 2009, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by Ragnarok

Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults.

Damn someone wokr up on the wrong side of mom's basement today.

HENTAI DOUKYUSEI JP · 17th January 2009, 03:35 AM

EXCELENTE TRABAJO SEÑOR!
Now the problem is putting all of that in a bumber sticker.......

Tweeter · 19th January 2009, 05:28 AM

Edited by Darat:

Breach of Rule 4 and Rule 10 removed.

funk de fino · 19th January 2009, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by Tweeter

Edited by Darat:

Breach of Rule 4 and Rule 10 removed.

This about says it all.

Name: Ilija
Age: 15
Occupation: School
Interests and Hobbies: ....
Movies and Shows: I DONT WATCH TV!!
Music: RAP
Books: BIBLE

GStan · 20th January 2009, 02:34 PM

Originally Posted by articulett

No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role.

His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard.

Really.

Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that?

ETA: Professor Snape

articulett · 20th January 2009, 03:22 PM

I don't know how Rickman sounds... I thought Dr A would look like Rickman because of his avatar--all dark and brooding, but he looks rather angelic.

alex04 · 20th January 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by GStan

Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that?

ETA: Professor Snape

+1, thought the same, haha..

Texas · 21st January 2009, 12:53 AM

Originally Posted by Dr Adequate

Which you know about how?

---

In any case, I call poetic license.

Just wow.

Sword_Of_Truth · 21st January 2009, 03:47 AM

Originally Posted by Ragnarok

Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.

Ragnarok... if the "White Sands Project" was successfully kept secret, then how do you know about it?

DaN K. StAnLeY · 25th January 2009, 01:22 AM

Let me add:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm a no-planer,
so STOP FOLLOWING ME MR. PANGUIN!!! AHHHH ahhhhh ahhHHHhahHA!!

16th January 2009, 04:05 AM	#1
Dr Adequate Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 17,766	How 9/11 Was REALLY Done The Conspirators Three men can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin The Republicans came, and the Democrats too, 'cos they're all the same party (I guess that you knew) and Jew after Jew after Jew after Jew, and some guys in black suits (CIA). There were people from Bilderberg, FEMA and NIST, there were people so secret they barely exist; the Masons had gatecrashed, they weren't on the list, but Cheney allowed them to stay. There were people who said they were friends of Karl Rove's, and the bankers turned up in their limos and droves, quite enough for a dozen Bohemian Groves, 'til the meeting was packed wall to wall. There were people whose badges just said "FBI"; there were folks representing the FDNY, and the Federal Reserve (though I still don't know why) and old Uncle Tom Cobley and all. *** Then Cheney addressed them, and said, with a sneer: "I assume you all know why I've gathered you here. We're agreed on mass-murder", he said (to a cheer) "but there's something we haven't resolved. Although I'm an evil despicable man --- no, hold your applause --- I can't think of a plan to destroy the Twin Towers, be darned if I can ... so we got all you people involved." Some cried: "Use a missile disguised as a plane!" some spoke up for lasers, while others again opined it was clear to a man with a brain that holograms ought to be used. Then FEMA declared they could do it themselves with some classified hardware they kept on the shelves; but: "You'll need our assistance!" cried all Keebler's Elves --- and the meeting grew slightly confused. The people from NIST said: "To make people die, on the whole, it's explosives you ought to rely on" --- some clapped, but the senior Elder of Zion said: "Really? Explosives? ... perhaps ... but it sounds rather iffy ... if I may advance an idea that's a cert and leaves nothing to chance then we Jews have a plan that's quite foolproof --- let's dance! and the buildings are sure to collapse." Some argued for "pods", whereas others expressed the opinion that "squibs" give atrocities zest. Some said: "If they're silent, then nukes would be best", but others denounced this as bull. They said: "We reject and rebut your position: let's not mess about with your fusion or fission; conventional missiles will do for this mission"; and Larry said: "What if we pull?" The debate grew quite heated and dragged on for hours as they looked for a way to demolish the Towers: some argued for death rays with magical powers, and others said thermite was nice. When the argument's heat gave no promise of dropping, they bickered and wrangled all night without stopping, and sent out for pizzas with twelve kinds of topping, and fought for the very last slice. Then the man they called "Dubya" got up from his seat; he banged with his gavel, he rose to his feet, and he said: "Here's a plan that I think can't be beat: let's do the caboodle --- the lot! Use holograms, thermite, and lasers and things, and explosives and missiles and pigs that have wings --- 'cos we all know that added complexity brings more chance of success to a plot." *** Then some guy started laughing and punching the air, and the plotters observed, as they turned round to stare, on the delegate's badge that they gave him to wear: "Dylan Avery, Second Class Shill"; and he sat and he scribbled his notes all the while, and was heard to remark with a curious smile: "If this won't make people go into denial I don't think that anything will."
Dr Adequate Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 17,766	Last edited by Dr Adequate; 16th January 2009 at 04:22 AM.

16th January 2009, 04:27 AM	#2
EvilBiker Graduate Poster Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Berlin Posts: 1,156
	__________________ Flat Earth Theory: The unfortunate result of ordering pizza to satisfy munchies after smoking way too much weed to bring you down from that hectic acid trip.

16th January 2009, 05:23 AM	#3
Dave Rogers Bandaged ice that stampedes inexpensively through a scribbled morning waving necessary ankles Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Cair Paravel, according to XKCD Posts: 29,982	Seconded, and nominated. Dave
	__________________ Inspiring discussion of Sharknado is not a good sign for the audience expectations of your new high-concept SF movie sequel. - Myriad

16th January 2009, 05:28 AM	#4
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	Just brilliant. Gracias Doc.
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	__________________ On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling

16th January 2009, 06:08 AM	#5
JoeyDonuts Frequencies Not Known To Normals Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 10,536	Wow...Just.. I'm actually teary-eyed. And I'm a computer program, I didn't think that could happen.
	__________________ _{EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT!}

16th January 2009, 07:19 AM	#6
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404	(I got to hear him read it out loud! smug )
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404

16th January 2009, 10:08 AM	#7
Ragnarok Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 492	Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
Ragnarok Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 492

16th January 2009, 10:31 AM	#8
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	Originally Posted by Ragnarok Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project. Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole.
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	__________________ On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling

16th January 2009, 10:34 AM	#9
Bell Penultimate Amazing Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 21,050	Originally Posted by Dave Rogers Seconded, and nominated. Dave Thirded, and seconded on the nomination.

16th January 2009, 10:37 AM	#10
Ragnarok Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 492	Originally Posted by GStan Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole. Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults.
Ragnarok Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 492

16th January 2009, 10:41 AM	#11
Dr Adequate Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 17,766	Originally Posted by Ragnarok Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project. Which you know about how? --- In any case, I call poetic license.
Dr Adequate Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 17,766

16th January 2009, 12:20 PM	#12
Tandem Thinking Thinker Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 239	Muy Excelente. Loved the punch line.
Tandem Thinking Thinker Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 239

16th January 2009, 01:11 PM	#13
VespaGuy Graduate Poster Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 1,034	Wonderful. This just begs for Seussian illustrations.
	__________________ "You are claiming it wasn't one. That is a positive claim." - Russell Pickering

16th January 2009, 04:52 PM	#14
c6gunner Student Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 45	Amazing I'd love to see a reading of this posted to youtube.
c6gunner Student Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 45

16th January 2009, 05:49 PM	#15
JoeyDonuts Frequencies Not Known To Normals Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 10,536	If I was any good at flash animation, I'd give this a surrealist Dr. Seuss-type animation and hope to FSM we could get Penn Gillette to narrate it. ETA: Or maybe Levar Burton could give this the Reading Rainbow treatment. But you don't have to take my word for it. BA-DUM-DUMM!
	__________________ _{EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT!} Last edited by JoeyDonuts; 16th January 2009 at 05:51 PM.

16th January 2009, 06:06 PM	#16
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404	No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role. His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard. Really.
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404	Last edited by articulett; 16th January 2009 at 06:18 PM.

16th January 2009, 06:52 PM	#17
JoeyDonuts Frequencies Not Known To Normals Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 10,536	I'm picturing a lot of throat-clearing and harumphs. And perhaps between each stanza he could complain about how dreadfully hot it is.
	__________________ _{EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT!}

16th January 2009, 07:09 PM	#18
Bobert Illuminator Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 4,126	Originally Posted by Ragnarok Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults. Damn someone wokr up on the wrong side of mom's basement today.
Bobert Illuminator Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 4,126

17th January 2009, 03:35 AM	#19
HENTAI DOUKYUSEI JP Critical Thinker Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 459	EXCELENTE TRABAJO SEÑOR! Now the problem is putting all of that in a bumber sticker.......

20th January 2009, 02:34 PM	#22
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	Originally Posted by articulett No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role. His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard. Really. Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that? ETA: Professor Snape
GStan Graduate Poster Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,350	__________________ On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling Last edited by GStan; 20th January 2009 at 02:36 PM.

20th January 2009, 03:22 PM	#23
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404	I don't know how Rickman sounds... I thought Dr A would look like Rickman because of his avatar--all dark and brooding, but he looks rather angelic.
articulett Banned Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 15,404	Last edited by articulett; 20th January 2009 at 03:30 PM.

20th January 2009, 07:48 PM	#24
alex04 Critical Thinker Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 483	Originally Posted by GStan Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that? ETA: Professor Snape +1, thought the same, haha..
alex04 Critical Thinker Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 483

21st January 2009, 12:53 AM	#25
Texas Master Poster Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,847	Originally Posted by Dr Adequate Which you know about how? --- In any case, I call poetic license. Just wow.
Texas Master Poster Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,847

21st January 2009, 03:47 AM	#26
Sword_Of_Truth Penultimate Amazing Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 11,494	Originally Posted by Ragnarok Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project. Ragnarok... if the "White Sands Project" was successfully kept secret, then how do you know about it?

25th January 2009, 01:22 AM	#27
DaN K. StAnLeY Muse Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 836	Let me add: Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm a no-planer, so STOP FOLLOWING ME MR. PANGUIN!!! AHHHH ahhhhh ahhHHHhahHA!!
DaN K. StAnLeY Muse Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 836	__________________ www.911skeptictankforum.blogspot.com "We are all made of star stuff" -Carl Sagan