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Old 16th January 2009, 04:05 AM   #1
Dr Adequate
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How 9/11 Was REALLY Done

The Conspirators

Three men can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin

The Republicans came, and the Democrats too,
'cos they're all the same party (I guess that you knew)
and Jew after Jew after Jew after Jew,
and some guys in black suits (CIA).
There were people from Bilderberg, FEMA and NIST,
there were people so secret they barely exist;
the Masons had gatecrashed, they weren't on the list,
but Cheney allowed them to stay.

There were people who said they were friends of Karl Rove's,
and the bankers turned up in their limos and droves,
quite enough for a dozen Bohemian Groves,
'til the meeting was packed wall to wall.
There were people whose badges just said "FBI";
there were folks representing the FDNY,
and the Federal Reserve (though I still don't know why)
and old Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

***

Then Cheney addressed them, and said, with a sneer:
"I assume you all know why I've gathered you here.
We're agreed on mass-murder", he said (to a cheer)
"but there's something we haven't resolved.
Although I'm an evil despicable man
--- no, hold your applause --- I can't think of a plan
to destroy the Twin Towers, be darned if I can ...
so we got all you people involved."

Some cried: "Use a missile disguised as a plane!"
some spoke up for lasers, while others again
opined it was clear to a man with a brain
that holograms ought to be used.
Then FEMA declared they could do it themselves
with some classified hardware they kept on the shelves;
but: "You'll need our assistance!" cried all Keebler's Elves ---
and the meeting grew slightly confused.

The people from NIST said: "To make people die, on
the whole, it's explosives you ought to rely on"
--- some clapped, but the senior Elder of Zion
said: "Really? Explosives? ... perhaps ...
but it sounds rather iffy ... if I may advance
an idea that's a cert and leaves nothing to chance
then we Jews have a plan that's quite foolproof --- let's dance!
and the buildings are sure to collapse."

Some argued for "pods", whereas others expressed
the opinion that "squibs" give atrocities zest.
Some said: "If they're silent, then nukes would be best",
but others denounced this as bull.
They said: "We reject and rebut your position:
let's not mess about with your fusion or fission;
conventional missiles will do for this mission";
and Larry said: "What if we pull?"

The debate grew quite heated and dragged on for hours
as they looked for a way to demolish the Towers:
some argued for death rays with magical powers,
and others said thermite was nice.
When the argument's heat gave no promise of dropping,
they bickered and wrangled all night without stopping,
and sent out for pizzas with twelve kinds of topping,
and fought for the very last slice.

Then the man they called "Dubya" got up from his seat;
he banged with his gavel, he rose to his feet,
and he said: "Here's a plan that I think can't be beat:
let's do the caboodle --- the lot!
Use holograms, thermite, and lasers and things,
and explosives and missiles and pigs that have wings ---
'cos we all know that added complexity brings
more chance of success to a plot."

***

Then some guy started laughing and punching the air,
and the plotters observed, as they turned round to stare,
on the delegate's badge that they gave him to wear:
"Dylan Avery, Second Class Shill";
and he sat and he scribbled his notes all the while,
and was heard to remark with a curious smile:
"If this won't make people go into denial
I don't think that anything will."

Last edited by Dr Adequate; 16th January 2009 at 04:22 AM.
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Old 16th January 2009, 04:27 AM   #2
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Old 16th January 2009, 05:23 AM   #3
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Seconded, and nominated.

Dave
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Old 16th January 2009, 05:28 AM   #4
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Just brilliant. Gracias Doc.
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Old 16th January 2009, 06:08 AM   #5
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Wow...Just..

I'm actually teary-eyed. And I'm a computer program, I didn't think that could happen.
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Old 16th January 2009, 07:19 AM   #6
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(I got to hear him read it out loud! *smug* )
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Old 16th January 2009, 10:08 AM   #7
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Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
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Old 16th January 2009, 10:31 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Ragnarok View Post
Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole.
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Old 16th January 2009, 10:34 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Dave Rogers View Post
Seconded, and nominated.

Dave
Thirded, and seconded on the nomination.
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Old 16th January 2009, 10:37 AM   #10
Ragnarok
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Originally Posted by GStan View Post
Truthers really do have zero radar for hyperbole.
Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults.
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Old 16th January 2009, 10:41 AM   #11
Dr Adequate
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Originally Posted by Ragnarok View Post
Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
Which you know about how?

---

In any case, I call poetic license.
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Old 16th January 2009, 12:20 PM   #12
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Muy Excelente.

Loved the punch line.
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Old 16th January 2009, 01:11 PM   #13
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Wonderful.

This just begs for Seussian illustrations.
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Old 16th January 2009, 04:52 PM   #14
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Amazing I'd love to see a reading of this posted to youtube.
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Old 16th January 2009, 05:49 PM   #15
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If I was any good at flash animation, I'd give this a surrealist Dr. Seuss-type animation and hope to FSM we could get Penn Gillette to narrate it.

ETA: Or maybe Levar Burton could give this the Reading Rainbow treatment.

But you don't have to take my word for it.

BA-DUM-DUMM!
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Old 16th January 2009, 06:06 PM   #16
articulett
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No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role.

His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard.

Really.

Last edited by articulett; 16th January 2009 at 06:18 PM.
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Old 16th January 2009, 06:52 PM   #17
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I'm picturing a lot of throat-clearing and harumphs.

And perhaps between each stanza he could complain about how dreadfully hot it is.
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Old 16th January 2009, 07:09 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Ragnarok View Post
Duh Bunkers really do have zero panache for insults.
Damn someone wokr up on the wrong side of mom's basement today.
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Old 17th January 2009, 03:35 AM   #19
HENTAI DOUKYUSEI JP
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EXCELENTE TRABAJO SEŅOR!
Now the problem is putting all of that in a bumber sticker.......
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Old 19th January 2009, 05:28 AM   #20
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Edited by Darat:  Breach of Rule 4 and Rule 10 removed.

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Old 19th January 2009, 06:56 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by Tweeter View Post
Edited by Darat:  Breach of Rule 4 and Rule 10 removed.
This about says it all.

Name: Ilija
Age: 15
Occupation: School
Interests and Hobbies: ....
Movies and Shows: I DONT WATCH TV!!
Music: RAP
Books: BIBLE
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Old 20th January 2009, 02:34 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by articulett View Post
No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role.

His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard.

Really.
Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that?


ETA: Professor Snape
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Old 20th January 2009, 03:22 PM   #23
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I don't know how Rickman sounds... I thought Dr A would look like Rickman because of his avatar--all dark and brooding, but he looks rather angelic.

Last edited by articulett; 20th January 2009 at 03:30 PM.
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Old 20th January 2009, 07:48 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by GStan View Post
Dating back to when Dr. A had the Harry Potter professor as his avatar, I always hear Alan Rickman's voice in my head when I read Dr. A's posts. Is his real voice comparable to that?


ETA: Professor Snape
+1, thought the same, haha..
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Old 21st January 2009, 12:53 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by Dr Adequate View Post
Which you know about how?

---

In any case, I call poetic license.
Just wow.
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Old 21st January 2009, 03:47 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Ragnarok View Post
Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
Ragnarok... if the "White Sands Project" was successfully kept secret, then how do you know about it?
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Old 25th January 2009, 01:22 AM   #27
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Let me add:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm a no-planer,
so STOP FOLLOWING ME MR. PANGUIN!!! AHHHH ahhhhh ahhHHHhahHA!!
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