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#1 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 17,766
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How 9/11 Was REALLY Done
The Conspirators
Three men can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin The Republicans came, and the Democrats too, 'cos they're all the same party (I guess that you knew) and Jew after Jew after Jew after Jew, and some guys in black suits (CIA). There were people from Bilderberg, FEMA and NIST, there were people so secret they barely exist; the Masons had gatecrashed, they weren't on the list, but Cheney allowed them to stay. There were people who said they were friends of Karl Rove's, and the bankers turned up in their limos and droves, quite enough for a dozen Bohemian Groves, 'til the meeting was packed wall to wall. There were people whose badges just said "FBI"; there were folks representing the FDNY, and the Federal Reserve (though I still don't know why) and old Uncle Tom Cobley and all. *** Then Cheney addressed them, and said, with a sneer: "I assume you all know why I've gathered you here. We're agreed on mass-murder", he said (to a cheer) "but there's something we haven't resolved. Although I'm an evil despicable man --- no, hold your applause --- I can't think of a plan to destroy the Twin Towers, be darned if I can ... so we got all you people involved." Some cried: "Use a missile disguised as a plane!" some spoke up for lasers, while others again opined it was clear to a man with a brain that holograms ought to be used. Then FEMA declared they could do it themselves with some classified hardware they kept on the shelves; but: "You'll need our assistance!" cried all Keebler's Elves --- and the meeting grew slightly confused. The people from NIST said: "To make people die, on the whole, it's explosives you ought to rely on" --- some clapped, but the senior Elder of Zion said: "Really? Explosives? ... perhaps ... but it sounds rather iffy ... if I may advance an idea that's a cert and leaves nothing to chance then we Jews have a plan that's quite foolproof --- let's dance! and the buildings are sure to collapse." Some argued for "pods", whereas others expressed the opinion that "squibs" give atrocities zest. Some said: "If they're silent, then nukes would be best", but others denounced this as bull. They said: "We reject and rebut your position: let's not mess about with your fusion or fission; conventional missiles will do for this mission"; and Larry said: "What if we pull?" The debate grew quite heated and dragged on for hours as they looked for a way to demolish the Towers: some argued for death rays with magical powers, and others said thermite was nice. When the argument's heat gave no promise of dropping, they bickered and wrangled all night without stopping, and sent out for pizzas with twelve kinds of topping, and fought for the very last slice. Then the man they called "Dubya" got up from his seat; he banged with his gavel, he rose to his feet, and he said: "Here's a plan that I think can't be beat: let's do the caboodle --- the lot! Use holograms, thermite, and lasers and things, and explosives and missiles and pigs that have wings --- 'cos we all know that added complexity brings more chance of success to a plot." *** Then some guy started laughing and punching the air, and the plotters observed, as they turned round to stare, on the delegate's badge that they gave him to wear: "Dylan Avery, Second Class Shill"; and he sat and he scribbled his notes all the while, and was heard to remark with a curious smile: "If this won't make people go into denial I don't think that anything will." |
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#2 |
Spectral Challenger
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Berlin
Posts: 1,493
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Flat Earth Theory: The unfortunate result of ordering pizza to satisfy munchies after smoking way too much weed to bring you down from that hectic acid trip. |
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#3 |
Bandaged ice that stampedes inexpensively through a scribbled morning waving necessary ankles
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Cair Paravel, according to XKCD
Posts: 33,297
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Seconded, and nominated.
Dave |
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There is truth and there are lies. - President Joseph R. Biden, January 20th, 2021 |
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#4 |
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,350
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Just brilliant. Gracias Doc.
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On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling |
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#5 |
Frequencies Not Known To Normals
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 10,536
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Wow...Just..
I'm actually teary-eyed. And I'm a computer program, I didn't think that could happen. |
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EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT! |
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#6 |
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 15,404
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(I got to hear him read it out loud! *smug*
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#7 |
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 492
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Very impressive! You should have left the Benjamin Franklin quote out though, as it's kind of proved a lie by things like the White Sands project.
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#8 |
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,350
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__________________
On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling |
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#9 |
Penultimate Amazing
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 21,050
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#10 |
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 492
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#11 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 17,766
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#12 |
Thinker
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 239
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Muy Excelente.
Loved the punch line. |
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#13 |
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,034
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Wonderful.
This just begs for Seussian illustrations. |
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"You are claiming it wasn't one. That is a positive claim." - Russell Pickering |
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#14 |
Student
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 45
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Amazing
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#15 |
Frequencies Not Known To Normals
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 10,536
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If I was any good at flash animation, I'd give this a surrealist Dr. Seuss-type animation and hope to FSM we could get Penn Gillette to narrate it.
ETA: Or maybe Levar Burton could give this the Reading Rainbow treatment. But you don't have to take my word for it. BA-DUM-DUMM! |
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EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT! |
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#16 |
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 15,404
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No, just get Dr Adequate to narrate it... I assure you that he sounds better than anyone else you might envision in the role.
His British accent and his wry way with language make him an incredibly moving orator as well as a gifted bard. Really. |
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#17 |
Frequencies Not Known To Normals
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 10,536
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I'm picturing a lot of throat-clearing and harumphs.
And perhaps between each stanza he could complain about how dreadfully hot it is. |
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EXIT STAGE LEFT! EXIT STAGE RIGHT! THERE IS NO PLACE TO RUN; ALL THE FUSES IN THE EXIT SIGNS HAVE BEEN BURNED OUT! |
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#18 |
Illuminator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,126
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#19 |
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 459
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EXCELENTE TRABAJO SEÑOR!
Now the problem is putting all of that in a bumber sticker....... |
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#20 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 790
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#21 |
Dreaming of unicorns
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: UAE
Posts: 11,938
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![]() Stundie - Avoided like the plaque, its a scottish turn of phrase. |
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#22 |
Graduate Poster
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,350
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__________________
On why one would debate truthers at JREF..."Kind of like holidaying with a cult, without the inconvenience of having to give away the deed to your house." - Confuseling |
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#23 |
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 15,404
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I don't know how Rickman sounds... I thought Dr A would look like Rickman because of his avatar--all dark and brooding, but he looks rather angelic.
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#24 |
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 483
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#25 |
Master Poster
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,847
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#26 |
Penultimate Amazing
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11,494
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#27 |
Muse
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 836
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Let me add:
Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm a no-planer, so STOP FOLLOWING ME MR. PANGUIN!!! AHHHH ahhhhh ahhHHHhahHA!! |
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