May Stundie Finals

Well I'm back and mostly better now (how a "loving God" allows something like projectile vomiting to exist is something I want theologists to answer) so I endeavored to pare a record 100+ nominations (was there some sort of Kook Steroid getting used in May?) down to just 20 for you all to vote on.

First last months winner:




Thank you for bringing some much needed laughter into our lives.

So, onto:

Teh 28^th Annual Stundie Awards of May, 2009!

Our choices for this month:

1) In this alternate history 9/11 happened because computers went haywire after Y2K made them fans of The Simpsons, believers in astrology and obsessed about what year the new millennium started.

I believe the Y2K apocalype did in fact happen, and its was 911, in the y2k conspiracy its said computers would brake down and PLANES would FALL out th sky, in a simpson Halloween Episode (season 11) its show planes falling out the sky and hitting buildings.

now the hidden truth. There is no such thing as "YEAR 0" - So if you count
2000 years after Year 1, you would get to "2001" thus making 2001 the true millenium.

they picked sep 11 because its were the Sun is in the house of Virgo - same place jesus was exactly at 2000 years ago - bethleham/Virgo

Y = Letter shape of plane wing
2 = Two Towers
K = Kill

Click to expand...

****
2) For the record the Nazi Freemason Bright Jew-ellery Market is not the best place to buy radioactive human pineal gland crystals. I go to the Communist Fifth Columnist Dim Islam-o-mart for that.

Yes, the Human pineal gland is made up of crytal's, and the British Freemason Establishment were caught out by the Public in 2002, stealing the decapitated head's off deceased suicide's from Corronor's lab's, because the pineal gland is worth anything from £2,000 to the Star of India in the Nazi Freemason Bright Jew-ellery market today, and a Rare Ruby/Blood filled pineal is worth the entire Earth itself; why do you think the U.S. starve's Africa of their Eco system!
"...how the Native Americans were able to create and test a nuclear weapon."

When they found out they couldn't get their hand's on a Pineal Diamond in a radioactive sack without getting Cancer: Jesus Christ/Christ Jesus; which on is Benign, and which Malignant, and if I tarry, what is that to thee?

Click to expand...

****
3) Tens years from now a news headline: MAN WANDERS IN FROM WOODS, SURPRISED CIVILIZATION STILL EXISTS!

This is probably the start of total american takeover and world war 3, when people start dying in mass the sheep are going to be told that anyone who doesn't take the vaccine is endangering everyone else they will be lining up for it and that's when the real pandemic killing will start, they will turn in family members and freinds and coworkers who aren't "being responsible", they will be happy to see the "non compliant" being rounded up off to "quarentine camps", once all the real americans are gone they can turn the country into anything they want do anything they want, within years america will be a foggy memory repaced by some form of dictatorship or another. My advise is learn anything and everything about wilderness survival peeps might only be days left, be prepaired to turn you back on everything and everyone and dissapear and survive in isolation for up to 10 years because that's what it might take to make it threw this war without losing your life and soul.

Click to expand...

****
4) Wouldn't it be great if just acting like you're really certain about something would make it true?

Every physicist, architect, fireman, engineer, pilot, and scientist knows 9/11 did not happen the way the government explained. They just don't have the guts to admit it.

Click to expand...

****
5) Victory by "narrowing of definition" to the point that all evidence is invalidated is not how one proves something.

No Independently Verifiable Evidence of Steel Core

If such exists, post it here. No reference that leads back to FEMA or silversteins plans is acceptable. Ground zero images are not acceptable for the documentation of steel core columns because they are intentionally misinterpreted by agents working for the perpetrators in the psyops supporting the FEMA deception.

Click to expand...

****
6) Is it possible to have an anagram fetish? How about a "there are no coincidences" fetish?

The Sesame Street Sign has the 'CTW' (Children's Television Workshop) initials on it. 'CTW' backwards is 'WTC'.
Sesame Street is an anagram of 'Tears seem set'.

So we have:
WTC
Tears seem set

'Monsters on the Loose' is an anagram of 'Oh loss! Enter Set's moon'

WTC
Tears seem Set
Oh loss! Enter Set's moon.

These guys allegedly worship the God Set, don't they? Since the moon on the book cover looks a bit like an eye, maybe that's Set himself looking down on what's going to happen

EDIT: Even weirder, and slightly more serious...this book is for the month of October 1976. Assuming that's October 1, 1976, do you want to guess how many days it was until 911?

9111.

Click to expand...

****
7) The solution to all our problems is to believe in a non-existent weapon.

If, as Dr. Wood says, field effects were manipulated using the
same physics demonstrated by the Hutchison's work, then we
have tapped into a source of free energy. This free energy can
be used to make our lives much nicer. Many commonly used
devices started out as military weapons. This one has the potential
to allow us to travel time.

If we discover the weapon that was used to destroy the WTC,
then we will have discovered a source of infinite energy and
then we can hold the wormholes open and travel time.

Click to expand...

****
8) I'm guessing they only realized they needed the plane and the bodies after they dumped it in the ocean. Oops. That's what the NWO gets for using temps all the time.

No plane crashed in that area. There was just a hole in the ground and no debris. All lies. They probably took it out over the Atlantic and dumped it there with all the passengers gassed inside.

Click to expand...

****
9) They'll have to redraw a lot of maps.

(Britain is not a European power, rather an Israeli colony and should be kicked out of the EU)

Click to expand...

****
10) Let's hope this guy never stumbles onto 4chan lest he start thinking that cats really do haz cheezbergers.

At first I wasn't sure whether I should believe the hum existed or not but after researching it on the internet and reading other peoples accounts I now believe its 100% real.

Click to expand...

****
11) This must be that new soy based confetti that everyone swears "is just like the real thing."

The expression was: "like confetti raining down".

This is not like pieces of paper whirling through the sky following the whims of the wind.

Click to expand...

****
12) It seems that WTC2 either never existed or still exists to this day!

I think I can say with confidence that the mode of collapse of WTC1 was a unique event in the history of the planet. Searching for a comparable event in a steel framed high-rise buiding produces no references anywhere in the World.

Click to expand...

****
13) When one gets tired of reading about Bat Boy (a boy that is also, literally, a bat) and a still alive JFK eating breakfast with aliens one could always read about this:

I found a site that has this news 10-inch angel sculpture embedded in a moon rock has been found ?
one of the rocks brought to Earth by Apollo 11 astronauts 40 years ago, in 1969.

sculpture to be 200,000 years old which means it was made 170,000 years before the human species appeared

why is this news story not on breaking news on tv right now?

Click to expand...

****
14) Sociopathic narcissist paranoia 101: when you misunderstand something it's the other persons fault for deliberately trying to mislead you.

Not really...when I thought it was a 50-ton machine I considered that to be very unlikely in an office block. Then when you guys kindly pointed out that it referred to a 200-pound 50-ton press it opened up another view on the situation which adds to my theory that the Bush administration deliberately started the 9/11 conspiracy theories themselves.

I would say though that more than 80% of people around 9/11 would have thought he was talking about a 50-ton machine . I actually know what a metal press is myself but I was not thinking as I suspect many others might not have. The impression given is of a giant explosion sufficient to move such a maachine while leaving a perfect out for the witness who can, as you say legitimtely say that he was talking about a 200-pound 50-ton press.

Click to expand...

****
15) I guess I'm immature and closed minded. I am Truth Spartacus!

Your bias towards the truth is very immature and closed minded.

Click to expand...

****
16) It seems planes now come with special definitions as to what constitutes their parts.

Stundie nominee said:

The FDR is added to track systems it is not a part of the plane.

Rational Person said:

Where might one find an FDR?

Click to expand...

It is in the tail of the plane.

Click to expand...

****
17) I guess believing in your cause is no longer a prerequisite for putting so much work into it.

what kind of evidence do we need to convince the judge and us its a inside job?

Click to expand...

****
18) Somewhere famous Physicists, Biologists and Astronomers weep, Karl Marx is spinning in his grave and Freud couldn't care less.

If you go up in a helicopter in New York and hover for 4 hours and then come back down to earth you should be in Los Angeles, not New York ( if the Earth were really moving ).
Gravity does not account for the copter still being in New York, it would only account for the copter not falling out of the sky back to Earth.

If Copernicanism can be proven wrong, that the universe is geocentric or geostatic and not heliocentric then
Darwinism will fall, then Marxism will fall and then Freudism will fall. All Satans lies will fall like dominoes one afer the other.

Click to expand...

****
19) Petroleum from the 19th century would totally explode if it so much as saw a lit cigarette.

You know those "myths" about the 200mpg carburettor? They aren't myths. Any car can be converted with a "catalyser", except that it won't perform because Big Oil have been adding extra chemicals that deliberately clog up these systems. That's why you can now safely extinguish a cigarette in a bowl of "petroleum".

Click to expand...

****
20) It seems that if you see something as being nothing more than "obviously fake" it simply means you aren't "ready" for the Truth^TM.

To reach the ones who are most ready to receive, contemplate and struggle with evidence of other (more evolved) human beings, an approach would be made that would still, until no longer demonstrably necessary, incorporate certain elements of plausible deniability, so not as to violate the free will of those who may be "pushed over the edge" by evidence and realizations that, even though they may have thought to the contrary, they were nonetheless not capable of safely dealing with.

In keeping with this approach, there would be certain "escape routes" for both physical and informational evidence that would keep absolute "proof" just out of the reach of those who weren't ready for it. There is no condescension intended whatsoever by that remark.

Click to expand...

That is a bumper crop of kooky craziness.

Agatha said:

That is a bumper crop of kooky craziness.

Click to expand...

Tell me about it. Never have I had so many nominations to go through and I ended up leaving quite a few good ones out because the polls only go up to 20.

Travis said:

Tell me about it. Never have I had so many nominations to go through and I ended up leaving quite a few good ones out because the polls only go up to 20.

Click to expand...

Just curious,which were those you had to leave out?

They don't seem to be the most popular, but I voted for #11 and #12, and both for the same reason: short, punchy, self-assured, and so utterly stupid that only a single-digit IQ could take them seriously for a nanosecond. If I hadn't seen the originals, I'd think they were perfect parodies.

Dave

Klimax said:

Just curious,which were those you had to leave out?

Click to expand...

Quite a few you nominated for starters. I originally cut it down to about 32 and then started eliminating ones that were redundant, or were by someone who already had other quotes and some that were vague or too long.

Wow. That's a good crop this month. I tried to narrow things down only to those that were really pure Stundie gold, and I ended up voting of rover half of them.

I tried to only vote for three; I figured that was a good limit. I think I ended up voting for 12, 16, and 18.

Travis said:

Quite a few you nominated for starters. I originally cut it down to about 32 and then started eliminating ones that were redundant, or were by someone who already had other quotes and some that were vague or too long.

Click to expand...

Ok...that's a pity... better luck next time. But where to harvest them? Two truthers down.(one permanently) and rest is posting much less that they used to.

Klimax said:

Ok...that's a pity... better luck next time. But where to harvest them? Two truthers down.(one permanently) and rest is posting much less that they used to.

Click to expand...

I'd suggest going to the David Icke forums, they're a stundie gold mine. Although I guess that's to be expected from a forum for people who believe the world is run by reptiles disguised as humans.

Wow, a lot of tight races this month.
I voted for 9, partial for the stupidity of the remark, partially because the poster is so deserving of a stundie on general grounds.

What happened to all the Ultima1 nominations? Most of them were far better than what you ended up using! I don't even find most of these worth a chuckle...
Perhaps it's time for someone else to take over. Someone that understands the "subtle" humor provided by CT kooks, Travis is clueless.


ETA: 16 for no better option!

#2 and #6 both made me choke on my ham sammidge, and they got my votes. I love the Stundies. This kind of foolishness you can't make up. Sadly.

Dog Town said:

What happened to all the Ultima1 nominations? Most of them were far better than what you ended up using! I don't even find most of these worth a chuckle...
Perhaps it's time for someone else to take over. Someone that understands the "subtle" humor provided by CT kooks, Travis is clueless.


ETA: 16 for no better option!

Click to expand...

I try to impose a limit of two per individual. Which ones would you have included that you think are more deserving?

Travis said:

I try to impose a limit of two per individual. Which ones would you have included that you think are more deserving?

Click to expand...

Think I was a little grumpy this morning. I apologise, you are doing us all a service, my bad!

I would have included, DNA not being physical evidence, myself. Having nominated it, and all. My favorite U1 made it, but I was beaten to nominating it, by a fowl.

Heh, we all have those mornings every now and then.

I actually wanted to include the DNA one and it only went when I was debating between it and 15 and 16. These things happen when you have a record amount of nominations to go through.

Travis said:

Heh, we all have those mornings every now and then.

Click to expand...

Bottles of Jamisons, doesn't help til 4am, either (girlfriend just got back from long trip), but no excuse. Again, sorry.

I actually wanted to include the DNA one and it only went when I was debating between it and 15 and 16. These things happen when you have a record amount of nominations to go through

Click to expand...

On reconsideration (after having my three S'es ) there are some goodies.

Thanks for your efforts, they are appreciated, and I am shamed. Til next time...

OVERLOAD...OVERLOAD...can not compute...

Wow, I just can't vote this month. Too many good ones.

Had to go for 16, I remember it being posted and almost choked on my cup coffee.

As a stand alone nomination it ticks every single box. Arrogant, wrong, stupid, a perfect Stundie.

I had to vote for my horse, of course! But Holy monkey @ 18

It would be really boring if out of the 20 finalists, 18 were to only 3 or 4 individuals. Best 2 from anyone should be the limit, because the top 2 should beat the 4th or 5th anyway.

At least with a limit of 2 per poster, you have at minimum 10 different folks competing.

apathoid said:

I had to vote for my horse, of course! But Holy monkey @ 18

Click to expand...

Well, you are a "rational person."

Minadin said:

It would be really boring if out of the 20 finalists, 18 were to only 3 or 4 individuals. Best 2 from anyone should be the limit, because the top 2 should beat the 4th or 5th anyway.

At least with a limit of 2 per poster, you have at minimum 10 different folks competing.

Click to expand...

Yeah, variety makes things more interesting in my opinion.

I liked this part:

The Sesame Street Sign has the 'CTW' (Children's Television Workshop) initials on it. 'CTW' backwards is 'WTC'.
Sesame Street is an anagram of 'Tears seem set'.

So we have:
WTC
Tears seem set

'Monsters on the Loose' is an anagram of 'Oh loss! Enter Set's moon'

WTC
Tears seem Set
Oh loss! Enter Set's moon.

These guys allegedly worship the God Set, don't they? Since the moon on the book cover looks a bit like an eye, maybe that's Set himself looking down on what's going to happen

EDIT: Even weirder, and slightly more serious...this book is for the month of October 1976. Assuming that's October 1, 1976, do you want to guess how many days it was until 911?

9111.

Click to expand...

Numerology must be really easy in light of the fact that you can just "assume" the numbers are what you want them to be.

Sabrina said:

I tried to only vote for three; I figured that was a good limit.

Click to expand...

Hell, I tried, I just failed miserably.

This has to be the most sensationally Stundilicious crop ever. Awesome.

16,18,19
For U1 because its just neccesary, and the other two for pure unadulterated idiocy.

I had to narrow it down to a top 20 first though

Ah...so many good ones. I'll go for 7, 16, and 18 for sheer imagination and stupidity.

I forgot:
The last winner so nicely matched the award that it cannot be beaten...

I had to vote for #16, as it perfectly summons up what the Stundies are about in my view.

Two favorites so far. Fun poll to watch. Also, bump.

After much thought and changes of mind, I voted for :
2 -because the author owes me a keyboard, snotting Pinot Grigio over it has not improved its function
9 - because I had no idea who my real rulers were, and I live here!
and
16 - which is so delightfully batpoop crazy it needs no further explanation

Heh - some good ones in there! Bumpedy bump.

Difficult to choose - so many good ones. Managed to narrow it down to 10, 15 & 16. I would have voted for 18 as well but annoyingly I seemed to have accidentally skipped over it.

I guess I'll take #18

Looks like we have a tight race going.

#8 for being a text-book example of how truthers refuse to accept logic.
#16 for being....well, I lack words.

Unfortunately I didn't realise (probably brain overload) that #18 actually included disproving Marx, Darwin and Freud or it would have gotten a vote.

Bump. One week left and only one vote seperates the leaders.

Looks like I tied it up again. Had to go with 18. for its child like innocence ingnorance.

3bodyproblem said:

Looks like I tied it up again. Had to go with 18. for its child like innocence ingnorance.

Click to expand...

Oh, you rascal you!

18 brings the lulz.