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Stupid Things Teachers Have Said

ShadowSot

Graduate Poster
ShadowSot
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I'm split between whether this would fit better in Humor or under education.
If a mod feels the need to move it, their will be done.


I was thinking about the education I received in school, and remembered one of the statements a teacher made that disillusioned me to the class.

The lady made the statement that the discoverer of DNA had made the conclusion that DNA was shaped as it was due to the discoverer looking at a spiral staircase after the discovery.

She followed the statement by saying "I wonder how we would portray DNA if he'd seen a elevator instead of a staircase."
Implying that his perception affected the shape of DNA.
 
"I know this looks like a Spiderman football, but it's not. It's a photon."
- Professor Dan Stancil, Electrical & Computer Engineering, Carnegie Mellon University

This one is quite profound:

"So the next time you're outside, looking up at a star, just think: that's a tiny bit of an electric field that was very happily traveling through the universe for tens of thousands of years... until your eyeball got in the way. A new way of thinking about stargazing."
- Professor Colin Morningstar, Physics, Carnegie Mellon University
 
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Huh... I can top that easily...

Teacher: "There are more mainframes in the world than PCs"
Me: "Umm... You mean there are more PCs than mainframes"
Teacher: "No, there are more mainframes. Every bank has a mainframe"
Me: "Umm... A bank has one mainframe and over 200 pcs per branch..."
Teacher: "No, you are mistaken. It's a given fact that the most common programing language is Cobol"

[At this point I decided to keep my mouth shut, and dropped out of the class the following week]
 
Professor: Gay people are their own race.

same professor (to a couple of black kids in the class): YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE STILL SLAVES!

same professor: Are people with mental disabilities, you know, like retards, are they as disabled as people in wheelchairs? I really don't know.

Substitute teacher (high school): You can't go home until you've told me your favorite Olivia Newton-John movie.
 
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A social studies teacher in my sophomore year of high school told us that the US used larger caliber small arms than the Germans because that way any captured ammo would be guaranteed to not get stuck in the barrels when fired. (He was a huge American Civil War buff, so perhaps he wasn't aware of technological improvements since 1865).

A separate social studies teacher (I think junior year) told us that Hinckley actually had killed Reagan and the person we saw ever since was a double.

Neither of these statements were meant as jokes.

But the gems I remember best were from a poli-sci class on international relations in college (the professor of this course was also head of the department). He was from South Korea, and had a huge ax to grind with the US, but that's no excuse for saying (to paraphrase, it's been the better part of a decade) "the US has been supporting both sides of wars for years - in the Six Day War both Egyptians and Israelis fought each other with American fighter planes." Had I the presence of mind, I would have asked him whether Boeing or McDonnell-Douglas made MiGs and Mirage jets.

I did learn from him that the predecessor to "Winston Church" was "Wilt Chamberlain". Who knew?
 
GrandMasterFox said:
Huh... I can top that easily...

Teacher: "There are more mainframes in the world than PCs"
Me: "Umm... You mean there are more PCs than mainframes"
Teacher: "No, there are more mainframes. Every bank has a mainframe"
Me: "Umm... A bank has one mainframe and over 200 pcs per branch..."
Teacher: "No, you are mistaken. It's a given fact that the most common programing language is Cobol"

[At this point I decided to keep my mouth shut, and dropped out of the class the following week]
Click to expand...

I have to admit that I am in no way a computer expert or teacher of classes in same - but I, too, would have vanished -- and probably asked questions of the department head and others in the school c of c.:confused::jaw-dropp
 
I had a undergraduate level English Literature class where the teacher bought into the "service learning" ******** hook, line, and sinker. This meant that instead of actually learning about English literature, we spent many classes making posters for the local urban community center.
 
Damien Evans said:
I had my year 8 science teacher try to convince me that Mercury had a 53 day year.
Click to expand...

The word "year" is also used of periods loosely associated but not strictly identical with either the astronomical or the calendar year, such as the seasonal year, the fiscal year or the academic year, etc. By extension, the term year can mean the orbital period of any planet: for example, a "Martian year" is the time in which Mars completes its own orbit. The term is also applied more broadly to any long period or cycle, such as the Platonic "Great Year".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year
 
This isn't so much stupid as (pardon the language here) crazy bull ****.

Well, actually, it's stupid bull ****, too. :D Really stupid ********.

The New York City subway, for people who might not know, has an automated announcement system. It announces the station, warns people not to block the doors, tells them to "stand clear of the closing doors" when the doors are about to close, etc. and delivers public service safety warnings.

Some- not all- of the public service warnings are about possible terrorist attacks and a few are about the problem of groping in the subway. These warnings are also printed on the backs of metrocards and on posters in the subway.

The New York City subway, for people who might not know, has a problem with the groping of women by men. Is it a large problem? Well, yes, arguably.

This is purely anecdotal but I heard quite a few stories from women about men (usually homeless men but not always) flashing them, touching them, rubbing against them, verbally harassing them, masturbating in front of them and even attempting to rape them. They often use the fact that the subway is so crowded as an excuse or as a cover. Some of the victims of this that I know were in middle school. Yes, girls as young as 11 years old. As a side note, several incidences of actual rape have happened on the subway. Rare, but they have happened.

Now, does this happen every day? No, of course not. NYC has a very undeserved reputation for crime. Does it happen, though? Absolutely it does. And, with this kind of thing, even one time is one time too many, you know? Way too many.

An adjunct professor I had for Post Colonial Literature, a woman from Britain who emigrated to America as a child, got onto the subject of government control and government censorship. It vaguely related to a book or essay we were reading at the time but I can't remember which one and how exactly it related to it.

My paraphrase of what she said:

"What about the government when it comes to the subway? What's that automated message they always have? The one about groping on the subway and terrorism?

I'm on the subway and this voice, this body less voice, comes on and tells everyone on the subway what to do. Isn't it just so bizarre? Well, to me at least, it's just so bizarre to have this machine come over the airwaves and brainwash us twice a day. Think about how much time you spend on the subway. And how many people use it. It's a perfect government indoctrination center in the right hands. It's like something from a science fiction novel by George Orwell. And no one questions it. No one at all. Everyone just listens to this body less voice that regularly issues instructions to us. We just follow it like sheep, this automated voice that's piped in throughout the entire subway.

And what is it about? It tells you that if "you see a suspicious package on the subway or stairs", to "alert an MTA employee or the police". See? It is encouraging people to snitch on one another! It is designed to make us fear one another. To look at one another with suspicion. To keep us all afraid and paranoid and mistrustful of one another. And when was the last time there was a terrorist attack on the subway? Think about it! Never! There has never been a terrorist attack on the subway. It's all just fear!

And this voice about the alleged groping. The message is "A crowded subway is no excuse for inappropriate sexual contact" and to not be embarrassed and ashamed to report it if it happens to you.

Isn't it so bizarre that this voice is pumping these things into our ears? Regulating our sexual lives? Our sexual conduct? Controlling our sexual lives like this? Is that what the government should be doing?

Isn't this just controlling people's private lives? Isn't this just creating a climate of panic and hysteria? Dividing people from one another, keeping people from talking to one another, keeping people from interacting with one another?

And this is only in New York. If you lived anywhere else, this would never happen. You wouldn't be so fearful of the person standing next to you. You wouldn't look at them like they could hurt you at any moment. You wouldn't be ready to report them for something sexual. You would see that if you lived anywhere else. And only in this country. Only in America."

I was absolutely shocked and outraged. And this coming from a woman! A woman!

I gathered my bearings as best as I could and as calmly as I could replied that, actually, I was very glad that the government took action against perverts who groped women.

And told her that I was glad the MTA let victims know that they could report it and without shame or embarrassment because women who are groped often don't even know that they can take action against their attackers.

She replied "Ok, now, the word you used was "pervert". Don't you think that is an unfair label? Isn't that judging them? Isn't that making a call on them?"


Yes, she actually said this. And she was actually sober when she said it.

The only sane responses to this and her entire little spiel:

1) ".........."
2) :major facepalm:
3) :double major facepalm:
4) :rubbing one's ears to make sure you heard it right and then slowly picking up one's jaw from the floor:
5) "Welcome to planet Earth! We see that you are from a previously undiscovered solar system!"
6) "Beep, beep, beep...Hello, is this 911? Uhm, I think I found that escaped patient from Bellevue."
 
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"aint aint a word"

"We only use 10% of our brains"

"no species of snake gives birth to live young"
 
AP Chemistry teacher:

"A Liberal will tell you that you can't kick a puppy but you can kill a baby."
 
HS Biology teacher:
Explained the synaptic gap and the function of neurotransmitters. The very next thing he said was that by putting the needle into the gap itself, acupuncture works!
 
A teacher once said:
"As a non-idiot teacher, I am officially depressed."

And I suspect that If I was smarter, I wouldn't be teaching.
 
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HS teacher stated as fact that big oil had "bought the patent" to the 100mpg carboratuer.

Snopes would have been nice back then.
 
Dr. Keith said:
HS teacher stated as fact that big oil had "bought the patent" to the 100mpg carboratuer.

Snopes would have been nice back then.
Click to expand...

oh, I got basically the same thing from a science teacher back in HS, along with cheap unpopable tires.
 
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