February Stundie Awards Finals

[Travis]

First up, the winner from January:

Can you, e.g. explain re-entry. You are aboard the famous International Space Station, ISS, that according NASA is orbiting Earth every 90 minutes at 400 000 m altitude (almost vacuum) at 7 200 m/s velocity and you want to go down to Earth. It means you have to go down 400 000 m and slow down from 7 200 m/s to 0 m/s speed. How to do it?

Do you jump into a little capsule with a little rocket engine to slow you down? Yes, apparently you do that and the result is that you arrive at 120 000 m altitude but that the velocity then has increased to 9 000 m/s as some potential energy of the capsule has become kinetic energy = greater velocity. It is like diving from the 10 m board. It gets faster the closer you get to the water.

At 120 000 m altitude there is a thin atmosphere with nitrogene and oxygene atoms that you collide with and ... MAGIC ... suddenly you slow down to 100 m/s (at say 5 000 m altitude) and deploy a parachute and land. In a desert in Kazakstan. Where nobody lives. In the middle of nowhere!

Imagine that - you slow down from 9 000 m/s to 100 m/s just by colliding with atoms. But why don't you slow down to 0 m/s by colliding with atoms? Let me ask a stupid question or two? Why do you need a parachute at the end? What is wrong with colliding with atoms to the end?

And now the February 28th Annual Stundie Award finalists!

**(1)**
Poor Jay Z. He gets included in the huge secret club that controls everything and they won't even fake him as having good musical talent.

Quote:

The music used in the Mercedes commercial played during the A.F.C. Championship Game was the Rolling Stones song, Sympathy for the Devil and in the Mercedes commercial it is stated: Something sinister is coming Feb. 3rd.

The half time show will showcase the singer Beyonce
who dates Jay Z (the illuminist). Beyonce lip-synced the National Anthem at the Presidential Inauguration of 2013. Beyonce will perform with her former group "Destinies Child." The song they will sing is titled "Nuclear"; their sophomore album was titled "The Writing's on the Wall".

------------------------------------------------------------
**(2)**
Does the procedure to re center the chakras involve lighting road flares in a nitroglycerin warehouse?

Quote:

Hurstbridge police detective Senior Constable James Cooper said the owner of all three buildings told police they had cleaned the middle, empty shop's floor with kerosene and left lit candles overnight to "cleanse the aura''.

The fire collapsed a roof shared by two businesses and a vacant shop on June 22.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(3)**
And we all know that fighting science fiction monsters is the only reason militaries get funded.

Quote:

the movie about alien invasions and sea creatures reinforces the belief that the military are capable of withstanding even these threats and thereby worth all the untold trillions of dollars we throw at them

------------------------------------------------------------
**(4)**
Yeah well Neil Aldrin thinks the idea that telescopes are only intended for stars we can already see is kind of dumb.

Quote:

Buzz Armstrong said they "couldn't see stars on the moon." Therefore, you can't get a bearing from a star for navigation. Therefore, you are all stuck on the moon. The optics were just a telescope. If you can't see a star with your eyes, you can't see it with a telescope. Nobody went anywhere. End of story. Sorry.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(5)**
People who were around guns a lot ended up dead by a gun? That has never happened before! Next thing you know you'll be telling me that people who are around dynamite a lot are more likely to be blown up.

Quote:

OK, now I know for a fact that this is no longer coincidence. There's simply no way that 3 influential figures in the firearms community (John Noveske, Keith Ratliff, and now Chris Kyle) could die in such a short amount of time (less than a month), especially when two of them are gunned down?!

There's an anti-gun conspiracy afoot. And I'm not one to believe in conspiracies. Think about it for a moment.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(6)**
Yeah we don't even need engineering standards with this magical material "stiehl" or "steel" to the non magi. And good thing it can mined from rock already in beam form because clearly no one could form them to other shapes.

Quote:

Steel is used in skyscrapers because it doesn't fail. Steel was used in skyscrapers long before 9/11 because it doesn't fail. Steel has been used in skyscrapers after 9/11 to this very day because it doesn't fail.

I say what I say because I'm smarter than 99.78 of the people on this planet.
And just as smart as the rest.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(7)**
Well what 8 year old doesn't spontaneously form their own choir group? It sure beats video games.

Quote:

Jennifer Hudson sings with the Sandy Hook Chorus … a group that was NOT created by the young kids that are part of it.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(8)**
Yeah well I protested at the Theatre of Syracuse where the Aeschylus play Seven Germs Against Thebes laid out Aristotle's discovery of DNA.

Quote:

No-one will be surprised how full-on I am.
I believe in hitting the issue head-on & at high speed.

I have protested at the Royal Society where Darwin announced gravity.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(9)**
This must be why backhoes are banned in deserts with all the soft sand.

Quote:

Speaking of evidence - does this ground look soft to you? If it was so soft it could swallow a plane, why use a backhoe? Weren't they afraid of the backhoe sinking? Or is the backhoe needed because the soil is so rocky?

------------------------------------------------------------
**(10)**
In an illogical world nothing is possible thus no need for coincidences.

Quote:

Let's look at it for a logical perspective.

How often does lighting strike the Dome? Most likely not that often

How often is lighting caught on Video?

How often does lighting strike the same day as a pope decides to resign and the Dome under which he lives?

Could it be just a coincidence? In a logical world is anything coincidence?

------------------------------------------------------------
**(11)**
Well at the last New World Order meeting I suggested we just prevent pregnancies and it got shot down as "totally too efficient."

Quote:

Since they introduced sex education to schools in Britain the number of abortions has gone up by over 1000%.

Thats why they are so keen on pushing sex education, they know it leads to more abortions, it's part of the eugenics/population control agenda.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(12)**
I want to know where NASA stores these black hole spacesuits so that we can destroy them with fire. Fire gets sucked in too? CRAP!

Quote:

So your claiming nasa put suits on the moon that they knew would reflect 80% of the light hitting it onto retro-reflective surfaces there by creating a cycle where the astronaut gets brighter and brighter as only 20% of the light can find away of escaping.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(13)**
You are, however, liable for the busted rib the judge got while laughing at you in court.

Quote:

remember when you sign anything sign with a colon before your signature this means your not liable for anything on the document

------------------------------------------------------------
**(14)**
Damn you Popper for giving us a way to test our way from the reasonable into irrationality!

Quote:

If critical thinking is rational thinking then it is not science. Because science is not about what is reasonable or rational.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(15)**
You know, as opposed to all the non-surreal reporting of other meteors exploding with the force of 500 kilotons. And of course things this big never fall to earth that's why you have to chase those hadrosaurs off your lawn every morning!

Quote:

This "meteor" and the reporting of it, has all the surreal, fantasy, characteristics of a false flag. I have never heard of a meteor that size falling to earth.

Isn't there some mention of a situation like this in "Project Blue beam"?

------------------------------------------------------------
**(16)**
Shoot, there goes my delusion that it was only desks that were victims.

Quote:

You're not understanding that school shooting involve the death of children

------------------------------------------------------------
**(17)**
If only there was an animal in charge of those automobile things that could read.

Quote:

Signs that read “Deer Crossing” and the like are going to continue to pop up throughout our country including Avon Lake, but who are these signs for? Deer cannot read, do not obey the law and probably will cross where they wish. Although adorable companions, it is hard to remember the last time that the news reported an animal talking, thinking or providing significant input for the benefit of society. Yet, these signs cost taxpayers like so much of government.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(18)**
Darn; and I was so hoping it was pterosaur steroid abuse.

Quote:

Ancient gravity was much weaker

You ever wonder why nothing REALLY big exists today in nature

elephants today eight tons supersaurs two hundred tons a totally different world. why?

Animal tissue of muscles and ligaments could not support huge dinosaurs even standing up or pump blood up 60 foot necks

Gravity had to be weaker to make dinosaurs nimble

My theory is the core of the planet shifted when single continent formed to keep us in a balanced spin

The land was farther away from the core and had much less gravity so bigness could develop and dominate

I may not be 100% right but think about it. How else could 30 foot leather birds fly?

------------------------------------------------------------
**(19)**
Crap! And I was working on a psychopath vaccine until "scientists" told me it was not a pathogenic disease.

Quote:

What is more, research also suggests ‘second-hand smoke’, as breathed by children of smokers, may in fact immunise them against the influence of psychopaths.

------------------------------------------------------------
**(20)**
I was unaware that the Pentagon was surrounded by flak towers crewed by troops who knew they were at war with thousands of targets to try and shoot down.

Quote:

Honestly, if you believe such a big plane [American 77] can turn off their transponder and "disapear" and make it impossible to find it by US military it makes no sense. Dude, the germans had radar in WWII and shot down a ton of allied bombers. And the Allied bombers didn't have transponders on to attack Germany. How could they track them 70 years ago? You want to make me believe that any enemy plane (that abviously wont have a tranponder on) will be undetectable? Why pay for stealth bombers then?

------------------------------------------------------------

[The Palmernator]

I went for three, but honestly there was just too much to choose from this month. I could have picked all of them.

Although I personally like the fact that Clayton Moore thinks he is cleverer than only 99.78 people...

[timhau]

#8, because I don't believe in voting for multiple candidates.

Originally Posted by The Palmernator

Although I personally like the fact that Clayton Moore thinks he is cleverer than only 99.78 people...

99.78 people on his planet. It must be a truly special planet.

[Myron Proudfoot]

Someone please tell the woman who wrote #17 that she's been nominated for an award for her writing!

[thedopefishlives]

I truly think the #17 "Deer can't read" lady deserves to win, but I couldn't resist voting for #6 as well simply because I have no doubt that it will become a JREF meme for a long time. There were a few other worthy choices as well; all in all, a very delicious crop for this year's short month.

[cwalner]

17 was my favorite. I remember reading that one during the month and I just could not stop giggling. I now am left alone more at work, so I thank the author for the increased privacy.

[Damien Evans]

Number 8 wins now and forever.

[carlitos]

I LOVE 17, but "30 foot leather birds" is a cooler band name.

[The Palmernator]

Damn! I didn't notice before. One of my nominations made it into the finals!

My life's work is complete.

But #17 wins for me...!

[Biscuit]

Number 8 is special.

[TheRedWorm]

Originally Posted by Biscuit

Number 8 is special.

[Smart]Missed it by that much![/Smart]

[BangBang]

Buzz Armstrong has been making me smile all day.

[marksman]

I didn't think anything could beat Gravity and Darwin... and then I read deer crossings.

[jadebox]

Here's a little aside about (18), the Jose Conseco one about ancient gravity being weaker.

After he posted those messages in his Twitter Feed, someone reposted them in another forum that I visit in a thread titled something like "The Stupidest Man on Earth." (Ironically, the thread was started by someone who has posted messages in the forum asking for civility - such as avoiding calling anyone "stupid.)

The thread grew as others chimed in, then, a day or two later, Jose Conseco posted to the forum. Of course, some of the forum's regulars were suspicious about it really being the baseball player, so he added a message to his Twitter feed mentioning the forum.

His first post in the forum hinted that he says outrageous things in the Twitter feed just to get attention (it apparently works).

-- Roger

[Sabretooth]

I couldn't narrow it down better than seven.

6 - 8 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 17 - 18

12, though, has got that something special.

[Jon.]

8 is awesome, but for me, 11 just displays that elusive quality of completely missing the point that makes for a real Stundie.

Oh, and I think 17 is a hoax.

[Horatius]

Originally Posted by Jon.

Oh, and I think 17 is a hoax.

On its face it looked like a hoax (or at least, a repetition of an old joke), but in reading her other posts, you have to conclude if it's a joke, it's a very long-running one.

[EventHorizon]

Originally Posted by Jon.

Oh, and I think 17 is a hoax.

Agree. That's a rehash of an old radio bit.

[jadebox]

Originally Posted by EventHorizon

Agree. That's a rehash of an old radio bit.

I recall reading a blurb (in "Reader's Digest" I think) about a woman attending a goverment meeting to request that a "Deer Crossing" sign be moved because it wasn't safe for deer to cross at that location.

I don't recall if it was presented as true or as a joke.

-- Roger

[Estellea]

I had to go with 8 as I read that myself at AoA and captures the collective intellect there in such a special way. Number 6 is a close second. Number 17 is good too but it does have a hoaxy vibe to it.

Travis, excellent job with the Stundies; I enjoy them.

Este

[Biscuit]

Originally Posted by EventHorizon

Agree. That's a rehash of an old radio bit.

A few months ago they did it on click and clack.

[dudalb]

Originally Posted by marksman

I didn't think anything could beat Gravity and Darwin... and then I read deer crossings.

The Gravity/Darwin is a modern version of the "Was It Over When The Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor" routine.....

[Estellea]

Originally Posted by dudalb

The Gravity/Darwin is a modern version of the "Was It Over When The Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor" routine.....

Do you think it's a Poe? If so, he's brilliant as "Farmer Geddon" (the person who made the gravity/Darwin comment) is a frequent commentor on AoA.

Este

[Dog Town]

6,17,18!

[Myron Proudfoot]

I thought 17 was a hoax, then I read the author's previous articles, and she really is that stupid.... That's not to say it wasn't meant as a joke, but it's not unreasonable to think it's real..

[Travis]

Originally Posted by Horatius

On its face it looked like a hoax (or at least, a repetition of an old joke), but in reading her other posts, you have to conclude if it's a joke, it's a very long-running one.

Originally Posted by Myron Proudfoot

I thought 17 was a hoax, then I read the author's previous articles, and she really is that stupid.... That's not to say it wasn't meant as a joke, but it's not unreasonable to think it's real..

Yeah I thought it was satire at first but her posting history says she has either gone full Colbert and does it all the time or she really is that dumb.

Either way I decided to include it.

[akama1]

4, 6, 8. all of them had me going "Bwah?"

[fezzic]

Lots of good ones. I even understood what might have been the intent behind many of them.

I chose #20 because I only choose one and was not sure what I wanted. I am reminded about the episode about the Gimli Glider and how ATC lost it on their [secondary] radar when the aircraft ran out of fuel so no power for the transponder. Fortunately, they could setup primary radar [like the Germans in WWII] and found it.

[FenerFan]

I chose 18, the disclaimer at the end had me laughing.

[CORed]

#2, because putting lit candles in a room you just cleaned with kerosene is above and beyond the call of stupidity.
#6, more for the "smarter than 99.78%" comment than the "steel can't fail" (though putting both in the same post is really special).
#17, well, for obvious reasons.

[Cinnamon Life]

lol at "buzz armstrong"

Some of these guys must be trolling.

[timhau]

Originally Posted by CORed

#2, because putting lit candles in a room you just cleaned with kerosene is above and beyond the call of stupidity.

Reminds me of the gas fight scene in Zoolander.

[CORed]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon Life

lol at "buzz armstrong"

Some of these guys must be trolling.

If we use a middle name, we can combine all three Apollo 11 astronauts into one fictitious astronaut.

[Halcyon Dayz]

Originally Posted by CORed

If we use a middle name, we can combine all three Apollo 11 astronauts into one fictitious astronaut.

Collins and Aldrin don't have middle names.

So either Buzz Alden Collins, or Michael Alden Aldrin.

[Multivac]

So many good ones this month, that I ended up voting for several. Thanks, Travis, for a bumper crop.