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Tags abraham lincoln , History humor

View Poll Results: What was Lincoln hiding under that hat?
Male pattern baldness 0 0%
A Trump-style combover 2 13.33%
A ponytail 0 0%
A man bun 0 0%
A rabbit 6 40.00%
Planet X 7 46.67%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 13th June 2020, 07:32 PM   #1
shemp
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What was Lincoln hiding under that hat?

Did Lincoln suffer from terminal bad hair? Or was it something more sinister?
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Old 13th June 2020, 08:02 PM   #2
The Great Zaganza
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I'm thinking more of a Ratatouille -scenario ...
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Old 13th June 2020, 08:17 PM   #3
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It was a cat in the hat
It was meant to keep down the rats
but it attempted a coup de'tat
So now it's a floor mat.
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Old 13th June 2020, 10:19 PM   #4
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He kept a Chevy under his hat.
That was why he was killed at Ford's Theatre.
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Old 14th June 2020, 12:56 AM   #5
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I think he had a very tall head that was flat on top, like Frankenstein's Monster.
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Old 14th June 2020, 01:07 AM   #6
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I don’t see marmalade sandwiches on the list.
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Old 14th June 2020, 06:05 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by zooterkin View Post
I donít see marmalade sandwiches on the list.



Maybe horns? I'm sure plenty of Confederates think that.
Possibly a brain-slug?
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Old 14th June 2020, 07:01 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Robin View Post
I think he had a very tall head that was flat on top, like Frankenstein's Monster.
I don't know. He might have been a conehead.
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Old 14th June 2020, 07:13 AM   #9
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Thing One and Thing Two. They cleaned up after all the messes he made.
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Old 14th June 2020, 08:46 AM   #10
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I've had to vote Planet X, because you've left out the obvious answer: His vampire slaying tools.
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Old 14th June 2020, 10:06 AM   #11
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If you are to believe the depiction of Lincoln in his totem pole (replica) at the Saxman Totem Park in Alaska, it was to make up for his short height. The story-I-was-toldTM by the guide when I visited there a couple of years ago was that the carvers of the pole were provided a portrait photo of Abe that only showed his upper torso. They did the best they could with what they were given.

So I voted X.
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Old 14th June 2020, 11:05 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by zooterkin View Post
I donít see marmalade sandwiches on the list.
You beat me to it. Although I was going to say "A loaf of bread and a jar of marmalade."

(It helps that I just saw Paddington last night, otherwise I would not have even gotten it!)
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Old 14th June 2020, 01:44 PM   #13
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I voted X because it wasn't even a hat - it was a mobile table.

He could take it off and place it on the floor, using it for playing cards or as a beer table at a party.

It was also bulletproof; its a shame he wasn't wearing it at Ford's Theatre - history might have turned out differently
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Old 14th June 2020, 06:35 PM   #14
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His head was shaped that way.
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Old 15th June 2020, 02:20 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by alfaniner View Post
You beat me to it. Although I was going to say "A loaf of bread and a jar of marmalade."

(It helps that I just saw Paddington last night, otherwise I would not have even gotten it!)
Yeah, marmalade sandwiches were the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the thread title. Of course, he lived in a time when access to marmalade was much more sporadic, which is why he needed such a tall hat.

Dave
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Old 15th June 2020, 05:39 AM   #16
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It was to hide the fact he'd been secretly replaced by a member of the Conehead race in an earlier effort to take over the Earth. They'd have succeeded had that pesky Civil War not broken out. Later efforts were an even greater failure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coneheads
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Old 15th June 2020, 07:02 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by The Great Zaganza View Post
I'm thinking more of a Ratatouille -scenario ...

Or the episode of Pinky & The Brain in which Brain converted the Lincoln Memorial statue into a robot, with the hat added to conceal his command center.
(He claimed to be the spirit of Lincoln manifesting through his statue and returning to lead the country.)
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Old 15th June 2020, 01:30 PM   #18
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I heard that Lincoln often stashed small notes on the inside of his hat.
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Old 22nd June 2020, 12:32 PM   #19
The Great Zaganza
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It can't be boldness because no one tried to sell me a stovetop on the internet as a cure.
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Old 22nd June 2020, 12:33 PM   #20
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A coffee percolator. Being POTUS is hard, sometimes you need that caffeine hit.
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Old 22nd June 2020, 01:20 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by The Great Zaganza View Post
It can't be boldness because no one tried to sell me a stovetop on the internet as a cure.
Why would you want to cure boldness? (Unless you are a pilot; "there are old pilots, and bold pilots, but no old, bold pilots".)
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Old 22nd June 2020, 01:36 PM   #22
The Great Zaganza
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Originally Posted by zooterkin View Post
Why would you want to cure boldness? (Unless you are a pilot; "there are old pilots, and bold pilots, but no old, bold pilots".)
Male Pattern Boldness always gets me in trouble with our HR department.
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Old 22nd June 2020, 01:53 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by The Great Zaganza View Post
Male Pattern Boldness always gets me in trouble with our HR department.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.Bertrand Russell
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