The New Age Is A Paper Tiger

The New Age Is A Paper Tiger

New Age: Wouldn't it be wonderful if minute doses of toxins could make people healthier?

Science: Vaccination?

New Age: Homeopathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could cure diseases by sticking needles in people?

Science: Intravenous injection?

New Age: Acupuncture! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people without medical degrees or scientific training could treat serious medical conditions by the laying on of hands?

Science: CPR?

New Age: Faith healing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if naturally occurring substances could cure diseases?

Science: Penicillin?

New Age: Ephedra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people had remarkable mental powers?

Science: Language, memory, imagination, reason, love, compassion, hope, altruism...

New Age: Spoonbending! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could communicate with one another over large distances?

Science: By telephone?

New Age: By telepathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some way of seeing distant people and places?

Science: Television?

New Age: Remote viewing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could fly?

Science: By aeroplane?

New Age: By bouncing on their bottoms and repeating a mantra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could determine the sex of an unborn child?

Science: Using ultrasound?

New Age: Using pendulum dowsing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if every part of the universe was bound to every other part by mysterious forces?

Science: As in quantum physics?

New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics! Wouldn't it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation for all phenomena?

Science: Quantum physics again, surely?

New Age: Such as the "good vibrations" I get from my magic crystals! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was such a thing as "negative energy''?

Science: As is associated with a gravitational field?

New Age: As an objective, scientific explanation of why I should dislike the people I dislike! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the study of numbers and calculation could help us to discover how the world works?

Science: Mathematics?

New Age: Numerology! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some things science can't explain...

Science: Here's a list as long as your arm. Can you help us to get research funding?

New Age: ... such as why a pretty pebble price $29.99 plus postage and packing can improve my karma and ward off negative forces! Wouldn't it be wonderful if studying the stars could lead us to important truths?

Science: Such as the origin of the universe?

New Age: Such as that Librans should avoid shopping trips this Wednesday! Wouldn't it be wonderful if in some distant mountain range there flourished an shaggy semi-intelligent animal closely related to humans?

Science: The Congo mountain gorilla?

New Age: The yeti! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Earth were being observed from outer space?

Science: By weather satellites?

New Age: By Little Green Men! Wouldn't it be wonderful if ancient civilizations had discovered a mysterious occult key to the workings of the Universe, the knowlege of which has been handed down from generation to generation by a small, shy, uncommunicative sect?

Science: Mathematicians?

New Age: Atlanteans! Wouldn't it be wonderful if superior intelligences who have mastered the secrets of space flight were trying to communicate with me?

Science: Scientists?

New Age: Aliens! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were beautiful stripy ferocious big cats living in Asia...

Science: Tigers?

New Age: ... made entirely out of paper! After all, aren't things always more wonderful if they are...

Science: Real?

New Age: Imaginary!

Nice

One slight correction I'd make though:

New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics! Wouldn't it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation for all phenomena?

Science: String theory?

Click to expand...

To my understanding, string theory is more involved with multi-dimensional vibrations as an explanation for various base properties of particles. But QM may get into this too, IANAE

Dr Adequate said:

<snip>
New Age: After all, aren't things always more wonderful if they are...

Science: Real?

New Age: Imaginary!

Click to expand...

Nominated! Good job, Doc.

That was good; I think I'll save it, if you don't mind.

Sir, you have my eternal respect. With your permission, I would like to link to this in tomorrow's skepchick blog entry if that's OK.

Tricky said:

Nominated! Good job, Doc.

Click to expand...

Damn it! Beat me by twenty minutes!

Blog'd! Without Permission!

Sometimes Dr A you rise above mere adequacy, and exceed even standard competence.

Sometimes you fly.

I wont nominate this again - merely vote for it.

Why do I never receive things like that in my mailbox?

Thanks for the kind words, nominations, and teek's eternal respect (which I plan to keep in a small jar on the mantlepiece next to Art Vandelay's ego).

I'd also like to thank all the woos in the world for being so damn stupid.

tkingdoll said:

Sir, you have my eternal respect. With your permission, I would like to link to this in tomorrow's skepchick blog entry if that's OK.

Click to expand...

But of course : I write these things in order that people should read them.

Ashles said:

Why do I never receive things like that in my mailbox?

Click to expand...

Next time you receive one of those schmaltzy, fuzzy emails, you should forward Dr. Adequate's piece to whomever sent you the email (properly attributed, of course). If anyone complains, say you find it inspirational. I know I do.

Oh, I thought this thread was about Beck. My bad.

But I don't regret reading it.

We'll done. And I'm not talking about my steak. I like that rare. No new age anything about that. Just lots of artery chocking...

You know what? This isn't about my steak.

Carry on.

Huntsman said:

Nice

One slight correction I'd make though:


To my understanding, string theory is more involved with multi-dimensional vibrations as an explanation for various base properties of particles. But QM may get into this too, IANAE

Click to expand...

I definately heard harp strings at every "New Age" line.

ETA: very funny Doc!

Yes, kudos. And the woos say we have no appreciation of aesthetics...

That's a keeper, Doc. You are adequate beyond your years (whatever that means).

Yeah, I've snurched it too. Well done.

Bravo!

Dr. Adequate, I think I'll show be showing my Visionary, Spiritual Translator beauty this thread first and immediately before I show her the one concerning her. Great stuff.

Agreed. Saved and link saved, because even though I don't have a blog (yet), it will be one of the first things to go on there.

Beautiful, Dr. A.