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Old 3rd August 2007, 02:29 PM   #1
cyborg
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Create the wooiest belief

Woo beliefs: weird huh?

Or are they...?

Can we make ideas so outlandish that no-one would believe them?

So I'll start with a science based one:

Q: Why do mentos make drinks fizz?
A: mentos are known to be terrifying to the bubbles in fizzy drinks. A scientist might tell you some nonsense about a chemical reaction. The truth is that the bubbles run as fast as they can to escape the mentos. You can prove this by noting the drink is flat after the mentos is added.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 02:52 PM   #2
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If people actually believe that thinking negative thoughts in the general direction of water will make it taste bad, then I am truly at a loss as to what I could fabricate........
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Old 3rd August 2007, 02:55 PM   #3
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How about the idea that thermal imaging and infrared equipment can capture images of non-solid, otherdimensional objects?

Quote:
The Thermal Imaging Camera has become probably the most valuable tool in the ghost hunting arsenal, allowing investigators to see "outside" our normal world of vision and into the non-human visual spectrum. I would strongly suggest UFO and paranormal investigators strive to acquire this somewhat costly tool; as these beings might be common manifestations to other inhabitants of our planet, just not us. These include inhabitants such as insects who are able to see alternative visual spectrums; such as the infra-red. This then points to the work of paranormal investigator Trevor James Constable. Constable said our skies are full of invisible, amorphous shaped beings he called "Sky Critters." Constable claimed he could photograph these beings in the infra-red spectrum. Able to regulaly record these critters and to even "call them in" by the use of special equipment of his own design. Constable reasoned that these creatures were reponsible for such unexpalinable events as Cattle Mutilations.
Oh wait, someone DOES believe this...

http://www.ufoinfo.com/news/inadvertantevidence.shtml
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Old 3rd August 2007, 03:05 PM   #4
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Wooiest belief ever? Someone beat me to it

Last edited by IMST; 3rd August 2007 at 03:05 PM. Reason: proofread
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Old 3rd August 2007, 04:34 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by In My Spare Time View Post
Wooiest belief ever? Someone beat me to it
Wow. Just, wow.

That wins. I can't even come close. I guess it takes being off your rocker to really compete in this field.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 04:42 PM   #6
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Quote:
Can we make ideas so outlandish that no-one would believe them?
Probably not.

If you take a good look at what people *already* believe, well, I'm convinced that no matter what you make up you can find someone who will believe it. I remember reading about someone claiming that they had a lucky chicken, and that if the chicken crapped on you, it would bring you luck. Yes, some people actually then wanted to buy the "lucky chicken crap".

Anyone want to buy any lucky horse crap? I think I could even find some that looks like the virgin Mary.....
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Old 3rd August 2007, 04:42 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by In My Spare Time View Post
Wooiest belief ever? Someone beat me to it
Wow. Just...wow. His grammar proves he's not a doctor-of any kind. He sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic, poor guy.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 05:15 PM   #8
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how about just putting a new spin on one of the classics, ie:

Scrotum Reading
Aura Manipulation
Eat To Get Thin! (or, Fat Cures Fat: The Homeopath's Guide To Dieting)
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Old 3rd August 2007, 05:25 PM   #9
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I am the source of all woo. Yeah, that's right. Me. I am the cause of psychic phenomena, ghosts, premonitions, predictions, homeopathy, and Wicca. I created the universe, breathed life into Adam, created Eve out of his rib, and set the serpent loose in the garden.

I betrayed Christ. I created HIV. I collapsed the towers on 9-11. I shot JFK. I melted the icecaps. Every BS conspiracy theory has its root in me. I produce all spam emails, I am the source of all telemarketer and bill collector calls while you are eating or sleeping or whatever.

I tripped you when you tried out for the football team. I whispered random letters in your ear during the spelling bee. I denied your loan, slept with your girlfriend, made you late for that job interview.

All of it was me. Too woo for you?
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Old 3rd August 2007, 05:27 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by osmosis View Post
how about just putting a new spin on one of the classics, ie:

Scrotum Reading
Aura Manipulation
Eat To Get Thin! (or, Fat Cures Fat: The Homeopath's Guide To Dieting)
Maybe a combo of all three...

...The Scrotum Manipulation Diet
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Old 3rd August 2007, 06:08 PM   #11
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Free Energy for Believers Only

I love this thread! Absolutely stimulates my imagination.

Magnetic Free Energy

Magnetic minerals are formed in the high-pressure cores of stars, where the presence of universal life-force energy is strongest due to extreme concentration of gravitic force.

For most people, magnets behave according to the accepted principles of science.

However, those who are in-tune with the universal life-force energy have the wonderful opportunity of tapping into the special, hidden power of magnets to bring out the concentrated gravitic force in the form of free energy, using a circular device.

Be warned that skeptics in the vicinity of the circular free energy device may inhibit it's successful operation, due to the "disbeliever vacuum effect", which sucks the universal life-force energy out of the magnets. In fact, it may be some time before your free energy device works in front of anyone but yourself. Even videotaping is futile, as hot lights render the device useless...
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Old 3rd August 2007, 06:28 PM   #12
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Wilhelm Reich had some amazing woo he believed in. There were space craft from outer space that had a base in the center of the earth through the north pole. They flew around earth gathering "orgone" energy which was released by sexual orgasm and rotting organic matter. Cuckooo.... cuckoooo....

eta: associated woo along with this is that the government was aware of this and they didn't want Reich messing around so they locked him up in prison and killed him and took all of his research banned all of his writings because they would rewrite the world as we know it, stole his cloudbusting machine and the technology that Reich created. How can anyone come up with more nonsense than that?
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Old 3rd August 2007, 07:02 PM   #13
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The sinking of the Titanic was an inside job. There was thermite stored in the "iceberg" (Actually a hologram image of an iceberg, projected from a satellite. The thermite was suspended in midair with an anti-gravity magnetic generator.) According to thetitanicwasaninsidejob.com, the ship was sunk as a diversion by the Austrians, who wanted to distract the public from the upcoming faked assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (who is still alive today, by the way, living in Area 51), so that they could invade Belgium. The invasion of Belgium, in actuality, never really happened. The Battle of Liege was acted out on a soundstage in Norway. Belgium let the world think they were at war with Austria-Hungary so that the Austrians would allow them access to advanced time-travel technology, which they needed so they could go back in time to prevent the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (not knowing that this assassination was fake too.)
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Old 3rd August 2007, 07:27 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Sir Robin Goodfellow View Post
The sinking of the Titanic was an inside job. There was thermite stored in the "iceberg" (Actually a hologram image of an iceberg, projected from a satellite. The thermite was suspended in midair with an anti-gravity magnetic generator.) According to thetitanicwasaninsidejob.com, the ship was sunk as a diversion by the Austrians, who wanted to distract the public from the upcoming faked assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand (who is still alive today, by the way, living in Area 51), so that they could invade Belgium. The invasion of Belgium, in actuality, never really happened. The Battle of Liege was acted out on a soundstage in Norway. Belgium let the world think they were at war with Austria-Hungary so that the Austrians would allow them access to advanced time-travel technology, which they needed so they could go back in time to prevent the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (not knowing that this assassination was fake too.)



LOL with tears, that is the best.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 07:36 PM   #15
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and there is an unconscious mind too.
That's my theory and it's mine.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 08:13 PM   #16
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How could you ever beat this one?

That the entire universe is a conspiracy headed by a dead Jew and his father's pet ghost.

Although this is my favourite:

That "love" is something other than habit + instinct.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 08:14 PM   #17
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Paris, Britney and Linsey all had labioplasty before papparazzi took infamous photographs. This was forced on them by the NWO in order to make the young women of the United S of A feel inferior and worthless. This therefore will make them easier to come under the Mindcontrol of the NWO or at least profer very little resistance, If you thought Paris, Britney and Linsey went off the rails for any other reason than they were fighting NWO mindcontrol you are saps.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 09:29 PM   #18
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Well, since some people believe in drinking their own urine (and no, I'm not talking about dying of thirst in the desert or being lost at sea), it seems obvious to me that the next step would be extolling the health benefits of eating one's own feces.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 09:57 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Stellafane View Post
Well, since some people believe in drinking their own urine (and no, I'm not talking about dying of thirst in the desert or being lost at sea), it seems obvious to me that the next step would be extolling the health benefits of eating one's own feces.
I didn't think anyone could sink lower than me, congratulations.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 10:01 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Stellafane View Post
Well, since some people believe in drinking their own urine (and no, I'm not talking about dying of thirst in the desert or being lost at sea), it seems obvious to me that the next step would be extolling the health benefits of eating one's own feces.


A little bit of me just died reading that...
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Old 3rd August 2007, 10:22 PM   #21
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There are tiny fairies residing underneath my left big toenail. Since they are so close to my body and its energies, they are able to tap into my subconscious mind.

When I am asleep, they come out and travel up to my ears. Since they have numerous powers, they are able to impart to me numerous bits of wisdom given to them throughout the day by spirits. They don't need to whisper in my ear, they simply connect to my brain and "download" the information.

I really can't explain it better than that because they have chosen not to share this with me. They also don't reveal themselves to me. I tried to see them when I was clipping my toenails, but I think they used some sort of alien cloaking device at that point.

They're very in tune with my body in other ways. If I'm having night sweats, they all get together and fan me with their wings. That's how I get a good night's sleep.

They've also been known to travel over to my husband's sleeping body. They only do this when we had a spat that day, because then they bite him. I know this to be factual because the next day, he will show me the bite and say "Does that look like a bug bite to you?"

I tried to capture them by sleeping with a plastic bag attached to my toe. I know they didn't like that because then they gave me some fungus problems, so I gave up on that and the fungus problem went away.

I know it's hard to believe. I can prove, however, the fact that they are giving me information in my sleep.

One day last week, I woke up and suddenly, I knew French! I used the toilette, put on some rouge and my favorite eau de cologne and then went for a rendez-vous with my psychiatrist.

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Old 3rd August 2007, 10:39 PM   #22
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Even though I didn't open this thread or even know of its existence until 8 hours after it started, I caused all previous posters to write those things. Therefore if any poster before me wins a prize for most wooish, then I claim the prize because I caused it to happen.

This process, which I have named Ladewigism, is the REVOLUTIONARY construct that Einstein was groping towards in his later years. I don't expect the hidebound reactionaries at JREF to understood even a fiftyeth of my theories because most of there minds are clouded by the scientific orthodoxy that prevents higher learning. Once my theroies are accepted, all those who mocked my amazing insights will be put on trial for holding back mankind from ITS GREATEST DISCOVERY ever!!!!!!!

Oh, I almost forgot: Atlantis, quantum, 2012, Planet X, Earth's resonant frequency increasing.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 10:41 PM   #23
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You can win the lottery by randomly singing "I'm a little teapot," with all the actions too, on public transportation, except on airplanes when the seatbelt sign is on.

I mean, if you're going to promote the wooiest belief it should be something to entertain and/or amuse the rest of us.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:04 PM   #24
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Boy, what an interesting thread!

Psst! I only wrote that to throw them off. The so-called "moderators" only skim the first and last paragraphs of your post, so you must make it look innocent.
I can't believe you people are coming up with more wooish ideas. You don't really get what this forum is really all about?
The alleged James Randi uses this site to collect data on wooism. Once he identifies who the woos are, he cultivates their fantasies, taking them deeper into their wooism until their minds are totally under his control.
And you're coming up with even more ideas for him to enslave humanity. Oh the horror.
Shhh, they're coming.

And I couldn't agree more with Ladewig
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:04 PM   #25
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Every single piece of fiction ever written, every single work of art, every single thing the human mind has imagined is real.

This is because our minds are able to see other worlds, times, universes, and dimensions. We can tap into them.

Homer Simpson exists.........somewhere. Star Wars is real in a galaxy far far away. Hello Kitty is really a species of 2 dimensional cats.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:18 PM   #26
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Uri Geller; 11:11.



Originally Posted by Damien Evans View Post


A little bit of me just died reading that...
Brings a whole new meaning to "getting on the piss", eh?

Even a former Prime Minister of India liked starting his day with a urine cocktail.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:20 PM   #27
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One thing strikes me as I read this thread, there's no way anyone can think up anything as dumb as some of the things already in non-existence.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:39 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post
One thing strikes me as I read this thread, there's no way anyone can think up anything as some of the things already in non-existence.

Anything what?

Ha!

* Does a little happy dance in celebration of busting the Grammar Stalin *
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Old 3rd August 2007, 11:53 PM   #29
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All you people are sheeple cos if the yanks got a man to the moon in 69 they got teh tech savvy to fake 911 but you faked moon landing cos you wernt dat clever so how could you use holograms and stuff to fake WTC. sheep
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Old 4th August 2007, 12:23 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by AgeGap View Post
I didn't think anyone could sink lower than me, congratulations.
Eating someone else's...

(My dog seems to think the cat's is a truffle)

Mustn't let anything go to waste... not even waste.
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Old 4th August 2007, 12:43 AM   #31
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I am God.

For a nominal fee I will let you into Heaven when you die.

Form a line, please.
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Old 4th August 2007, 01:03 AM   #32
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Calvin and Hobbes is the real world. What we perceive as reality is merely a dim reflection of it. Bill Watterson is a being from the fifth dimension sent to break the truth to us gently.
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Old 4th August 2007, 01:04 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Hokulele View Post
Anything what?

Ha!

* Does a little happy dance in celebration of busting the Grammar Stalin *
Eh?

Nothing wrong with my post!

Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post
One thing strikes me as I read this thread, there's no way anyone can think up anything as dumb as some of the things already in non-existence.
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Old 4th August 2007, 01:23 AM   #34
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Anyone with a tattoo of a butterfly, star, or crescent moon (which they've been brainwashed into thinking they have voluntarily) will be rounded up at a certain date and shipped off to Mars as slave labor in a top-secret Martian colony. Their friends, family and co-workers will be brainwashed into believing these people have never existed. NASA's entire goal is to land on Mars, renovate that big statue of a Martian face (and all the pyramids and fortresses that surround it as well) and rent them out as a time shares to reptilian aliens.
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Old 4th August 2007, 01:53 AM   #35
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Belgium is not a real country; it's a facade to hide the entrance to the hollow Earth at the North Pole. (The icy mass commonly regarded as the North Pole is just to throw people off the track.) This is why the French invaded in 1795, and the Germans invaded in 1914 and again in 1940.

The same goes for Hawaii, which is really the South Pole, directly opposite Belgium on the globe (globes and maps are altered to hide this). The place you visit when you go to "Hawaii" is really a special facility in southern Nevada.
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Old 4th August 2007, 01:55 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by PixyMisa View Post
Belgium is not a real country; it's a facade to hide the entrance to the hollow Earth at the North Pole. (The icy mass commonly regarded as the North Pole is just to throw people off the track.) This is why the French invaded in 1795, and the Germans invaded in 1914 and again in 1940.

The same goes for Hawaii, which is really the South Pole, directly opposite Belgium on the globe (globes and maps are altered to hide this). The place you visit when you go to "Hawaii" is really a special facility in southern Nevada.

Hey!

ETA:Hmm, that must explain why we are north of the equator, but use South Azimuths when surveying.
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Old 4th August 2007, 02:01 AM   #37
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I hope you enjoy your monthly cheque from the HWO!

All people and animals should only eat meat, because plants are reincarnations of our past lives and thus held holy. (Milk and eggs are okay too, of course.) The reason that Christians take wine and bread as their holy sacrament is not to represent the blood and body of Christ, but because Jesus was a raisin loaf.
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Old 4th August 2007, 02:04 AM   #38
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A major schism in Loafianity occurred in 1647 between those who abhorred chocolate and coffee and those who considered the beans to be "a particular variety of beetle". The ensuing war resulted in the destruction of Atlantis.
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Old 4th August 2007, 02:31 AM   #39
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Einstein's fourth great work - the one he really got the Nobel Prize for - was Extra Special Relativity, which explains that there are not three but six dimensions of space: length, width, height, other, thingy, and Tyra Banks. While scientists of the early 20th century appreciated the enormity of his discovery (particularly once they worked out how to take pictures of the Tyra Banks dimension), the theory was hushed up when it was realised that this meant that there was eleven quintillion square miles of available real estate in Manhattan alone, and that if word got out the property market would immediately collapse.

This also explains where Carrot Top comes from.
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Old 4th August 2007, 02:33 AM   #40
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Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post
One thing strikes me as I read this thread, there's no way anyone can think up anything...

The Atheist never goes back and edits his posts after someone busts him for bad grammar. The posts in fact exist in a state of grammatical indeterminacy until someone reads them, when they become the new grammar, and any who bust TA are sentenced to the marginalia and doodles of God's day-planner.

And that "edit-stamp" at the bottom of post #27? Just God's way of testing the faithful. For God is grammar, and The Atheist is his shepherd. Amen.
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