God, Sweat & Your Genitals

One would think that a God who created man would be completely comfortable with nudity, but the Bible proves differently. Apparently, God has a big problem with nudity, in particular male genetalia.

God's commandments (also called ordinances or "the law") don't stop at ten, but there are several interesting laws usually not mentioned in Sunday school.

God instructs Moses not to build an altar with steps because people ascending the steps might expose the genitals - Exodus 20:26

God told Moses that his sons must always wear underwear when they enter his tent or they will be killed - Exodus 28:42-43

God doesn't even have sympathy for any of his chosen people who've been injured in an industrial accident. He refuses to accept among his chosen peole any man with crushed testicles or a severed penis, a strange commandment considering God's omnipotence - Deuteronomy 23:1

Don't go to church after going to the gym. God doesn't want anyone near him who sweats - Ezekiel 44:17-18

I typically use these passages to show my Bible-toting bretheren how the "word of God" is heavily tainted by the hand of man. As I said before, why would God be so adamant about a PG rating with his own creation?

Mephisto

Well, yes, but wasn't it the Almighty who also created Levi's and DKNY ?

Which reminds me something I once told to a friend: "If God didn't want you to hunt He wouldn't had created shotguns".

"Of their fruits ye shall know them?" ... Oh, and did you know that the word testimony comes from testis?

1 And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.

2 And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:

3 And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

4 But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac. ~ Genesis 24:1-4

Click to expand...

28 And Jacob lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years: so the whole age of Jacob was an hundred forty and seven years.

29 And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:

30 But I will lie with my fathers, and thou shalt carry me out of Egypt, and bury me in their buryingplace. And he said, I will do as thou hast said.

31 And he said, Swear unto me. And he sware unto him. And Israel bowed himself upon the bed's head. ~ Genesis 47:28-31

Click to expand...

Iacchus said:

"Of their fruits ye shall know them?" ... Oh, and did you know that the word testimony comes from testis?

Click to expand...

Yes, as in latin for "witness". It doesn't come from testis (as in "male gonads").

With apologies to Dave Barry, "God, Sweat, and Your Genitals" would make a great name for a rock band.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=testis

From the link
Word History: The resemblance between testimony, testify, testis, and testicle shows an etymological relationship, but linguists are not agreed on precisely how English testis came to have its current meaning. The Latin testis originally meant “witness,” and etymologically means “third (person) standing by”: the te- part comes from an older tri-, a combining form of the word for “three,” and -stis is a noun derived from the Indo-European root st- meaning “stand.” How this also came to refer to the body part(s) is disputed. An old theory has it that the Romans placed their right hands on their testicles and swore by them before giving testimony in court. Another theory says that the sense of testicle in Latin testis is due to a calque, or loan translation, from Greek. The Greek noun parastats means “defender (in law), supporter” (para- “by, alongside,” as in paramilitary and -stats from histanai, “to stand”). In the dual number, used in many languages for naturally occurring, contrasting, or complementary pairs such as hands, eyes, and ears, parastats had the technical medical sense “testicles,” that is “two glands side by side.” The Romans simply took this sense of parastats and added it to testis, the Latin word for legal supporter, witness.

Click to expand...

Mephisto said:

One would think that a God who created man would be completely comfortable with nudity, but the Bible proves differently. Apparently, God has a big problem with nudity, in particular male genetalia.

Click to expand...

Strange, God didn't seem to have a problem with A&E being nekkid in the garden....

All of a sudden *A&E* become ashamed.... not God. Hmm...

Yup, just another example of stupid myths.

Iacchus said:

"Of their fruits ye shall know them?" ... Oh, and did you know that the word testimony comes from testis?

Click to expand...

Wow... it makes so much more sense now that I've read the other verses you posted. That really helps, thanks!

What??

There are many references in the bible to the quaint custom of placing the hand under a thigh to swear an oath. There is archaelogical evidence for this custom as well. Am I to understand that this is supposed to have something to do with testicles and fruit?? and knowing men??

I am no expert but that sounds like a crock to me. I have often heard of this custom but I had never heard it described as such - seems like a major assumption to me.

Bentspoon

Mephisto said:

One would think that a God who created man would be completely comfortable with nudity, but the Bible proves differently. Apparently, God has a big problem with nudity, in particular male genetalia.

God's commandments (also called ordinances or "the law") don't stop at ten, but there are several interesting laws usually not mentioned in Sunday school.

God instructs Moses not to build an altar with steps because people ascending the steps might expose the genitals - Exodus 20:26

God told Moses that his sons must always wear underwear when they enter his tent or they will be killed - Exodus 28:42-43

God doesn't even have sympathy for any of his chosen people who've been injured in an industrial accident. He refuses to accept among his chosen peole any man with crushed testicles or a severed penis, a strange commandment considering God's omnipotence - Deuteronomy 23:1

Don't go to church after going to the gym. God doesn't want anyone near him who sweats - Ezekiel 44:17-18

I typically use these passages to show my Bible-toting bretheren how the "word of God" is heavily tainted by the hand of man. As I said before, why would God be so adamant about a PG rating with his own creation?

Mephisto

Click to expand...

Thank you. God is a prude.

Marquis de Carabas said:

With apologies to Dave Barry, "God, Sweat, and Your Genitals" would make a great name for a rock band.

Click to expand...

Also a Johnny Carson joke: Three things you'll find in a Catholic church! (opens envelope)

I couldn't possibly skip over a thread with a title like that! Good job! I don't have much to contribute, except maybe that you should carry around a bible with those passages marked. The next time you pass a "prophet" on the street that asks you if you've ever read the Bible, you can say, "Of course brother, let me read a few passages to these ignorant heathens. Perhaps we can save some of their souls together!"

Slightly OT, but like Bruce I couldn't possibly resist this thread.

Keep your Jesus off my Penis

OK, back on topic.

I like the fact that there's a specific passage in Deuteronomy that deals with a woman who breaks up a fight by grabbing her husband's testicles.

Like that was a common way of breaking up a fight.

(If you're interested, The Bible tells you to cut her hand off.)

arthwollipot said:

OK, back on topic.

I like the fact that there's a specific passage in Deuteronomy that deals with a woman who breaks up a fight by grabbing her husband's testicles.

Like that was a common way of breaking up a fight.

Click to expand...

I understand it was, until the " cut off the hand " penalty was instituted...


This sounds like a great idea for a new spin on " Tag Team Wrestling .. "


One more..


How about a push to get the " Swearing On Your Gonads " idea considered as part of the Oath of Office for the President ?

Where are the biblical fundamentalists when you need them to read the evidence?!?!?

arthwollipot said:

OK, back on topic.

I like the fact that there's a specific passage in Deuteronomy that deals with a woman who breaks up a fight by grabbing her husband's testicles.

Like that was a common way of breaking up a fight.

(If you're interested, The Bible tells you to cut her hand off.)

Click to expand...

It is not her husband's that she grabs, it is the guy he's fighting, and she does more than just "grabbing" him; she makes him ineligible to go to Temple (see Deut 23 -- referenced by the OP). Apparently it was common enough to become a concern.