Have you ever been sexually assaulted?

Just answer honestly so we might get a rough idea what the real incident of sexual assault is. The relevant discussion is in this thread: False allegations and attrition.

As assault does not need to have been completed but should clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex.

Yes. By my mother. Not a joke.

Edit: Actualy it was more like being molested.

Male. Never been sexually assaulted.

Is this poll supposed to have some merit in a discussion? Judging by the threads this seems to be spawned from, I'd think that it's an attempt to demonstrate that males are more likely to sexually assault than females; or that females are more sexually assaulted than males, and thus indirectly proving the aforementioned conclusion. Is this correct?

Outside of my vulnerability as a child, I fail to see how I can be sexually assaulted by a single female, outside of using various knock-out drugs. There seems to be a big difference between the capabilities of one assault vs. another, however. Not to mention other biological realities.

I have been sexually assaulted but it was not a successful assault. Once I was a dumb teenager walking home from a friend's at night. Some guy I never met started up a chat and shared a beer with me as we walked. He tried to make his move, I said no, he complained he bought the beer as if that meant I owed him sex, the creep. He tore my clothes but I screamed and some people came out of the house we were in front of and he ran off.

There were two other times guys came close to date rape but gave up before actually going through with it. These were not some questionable 'girl said no' instances, they involved clear intent to assault.

I have no idea how common this really is. I have never been afraid to be out and about where some might find it more risky to be. Maybe that was the reason though certainly I take no responsibility other than being naive.

I can honestly say, Skeptigirl, that if I was anywhere near the attempted sexual assaults made on you, the man that attempted to do it would be decked out onto the floor if I had half the chance.

Just want to make that clear. I know this makes me seem pretty violent (and goes a ways towards proving you right about us men), but I think the situation would warrant it. One needs a way to say "no" to such people that sticks to their memories.

Lonewulf said:

Male. Never been sexually assaulted.

Is this poll supposed to have some merit in a discussion? Judging by the threads this seems to be spawned from, I'd think that it's an attempt to demonstrate that males are more likely to sexually assault than females; or that females are more sexually assaulted than males, and thus indirectly proving the aforementioned conclusion. Is this correct?....

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No, not at all. I just wanted a sample to see if it correlated with the claims [X] number of women are sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. I've never found the claims 75% or 66% of women will be raped in their lifetimes to be plausible.

OTOH, I almost was. I was just curious what data an anonymous poll would show.

Why not include males in the poll if we want to get a reasonable picture of the data?

skeptigirl said:

No, not at all. I just wanted a sample to see if it correlated with the claims [X] number of women are sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. I've never found the claims 75% or 66% of women will be raped in their lifetimes to be plausible.

OTOH, I almost was. I was just curious what data an anonymous poll would show.

Why not include males in the poll if we want to get a reasonable picture of the data?

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Okay, I understand now.

An anonymous online poll isn't very reliable, I feel, so I'm not sure if you'll really get a reasonable picture of the data no matter how you select; you're already dealing with a selected section of the population (namely, people that join this skeptic site), and the numbers can very well be incredibly different from what more thorough studies would show.

I'm sure that you're aware of that, of course. Just my 2 cents, adjusted for inflation.

Lonewulf said:

I can honestly say, Skeptigirl, that if I was anywhere near the attempted sexual assaults made on you, the man that attempted to do it would be decked out onto the floor if I had half the chance.

Just want to make that clear. I know this makes me seem pretty violent (and goes a ways towards proving you right about us men), but I think the situation would warrant it. One needs a way to say "no" to such people that sticks to their memories.

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This thread has to do with Fiona's thread, not the thread on men vs women's violent behavior.

For what it is worth, I think most men are decent. The people who came out of their house certainly were. One was a man. They yelled at the guy who was attacking me.

I don't think all violence is bad. Obviously self defense or defense of another is not bad violence. But I do wonder why any adults threaten violence to settle a dispute. That seems uncivilized to me. On the whole, I don't have some hangup about violent men or anything like that. I do, however, think it's silly in the other thread that people are arguing women are as violent on the whole as men.

And no, I don't expect the poll to give us scientific data. I was just curious what we would see among the members here who chose to answer.

skeptigirl said:

This thread has to do with Fiona's thread, not the thread on men vs women's violent behavior.

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Okay.

For what it is worth, I think most men are decent. The people who came out of their house certainly were. One was a man. They yelled at the guy who was attacking me.

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Alright.

I don't think all violence is bad. Obviously self defense or defense of another is not bad violence. But I do wonder why any adults threaten violence to settle a dispute.

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Violence against a violent offender is self defense for another person, the way I see it.

And I see little other option, in such a short space of time, for making the person afraid enough to avoid committing another attempted assault later.

That seems uncivilized to me.

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Civilization bongo bongo bongo comes to mind when I hear uncivilized.

On the whole, I don't have some hangup about violent men or anything like that. I do, however, think it's silly in the other thread that people are arguing women are as violent on the whole as men.

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Perhaps.

I think it's silly how often people post petty pith in that thread and seem to believe that they have all the answers, personally; for instance, the explanation that most of men's violence comes purely from testosterone. But meh.

Maybe men are naturally violent. I hesitate to draw that conclusion, however, for several reasons. I think that there's too much static to make a sure conclusion overall.

Anyways, off topic.

No, but I've prevented a few (on others).

I have felt "threatened" by excessive sexual advances however I was a lot stronger than her so I was able to control the situation and they stopped.

I was seduced at 14 years old. Not exactly a "graduate" moment but not unpleasant. She was my friends Aunt. Funny thing is, every time I tell the story she gets better looking and i enjoyed it more, Truth is she was horrible in every way, I was more bemused than anything else. Not sure how old she was, I would guess, late thirties.
On a more serious note I hope she didn't repeat it with someone who wasn't just bemused. It was assault.

Lonewulf said:

Skeptigirl said:

For what it is worth, I think most men are decent. The people who came out of their house certainly were. One was a man. They yelled at the guy who was attacking me.

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Alright.

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What the hell?

I guess I'm more awake now. Why did I say that?

What I feel I should have said:

It's good to hear that someone came to your aid; it really is. Yelling at the man was probably the best thing to do -- fisticuffs might just have escalated the situation anyways (although certainly would make him pay a higher price than simply having to burn some energy...). I'm also glad that you got away from him.

There's some real scum out in the world.

It was not violent, it was coercive and manipulative, and it affected me more than I would have believed. It caused a highly distressed emotional state that lasted for a long time and that I have not experienced as a result of any other situation: even the death of a family member was easier to 'move on' from.

Never been seriously assaulted, but as a teenager was subjected to a fair bit of sexual harassment at work, nearly always from drunk female customers. (Was working as a waiter.) One particular incident involved a table full of women groping me every time I went near them and laughing uproariously when I told them to stop. I complained to my boss, who thought it was funny, and told myself it was nothing serious and I should just laugh it off.

Even now I feel embarrassed at my reaction, as if I shouldnt have been upset, but I really was. One woman at the table put her hand down my pants and grabbed my genitals as I was pouring wine. I was a polite and shy young fellow, and probably hadnt been forceful enough in my previous demands that they stop, and I probably shouldnt have gone back to the table. Anyway, I YELLED at her to take her hand off me and tried to break free, which tore my pants. The rest of the table thought this was the most hilarious thing they had ever seen. The woman would not let go and I had to grab her hand and prise her fingers off me, at which point she got quite angry at me, as if I was doing something wrong.

I was more angry than I ever remember being, and just called the police. At the time I thought I was probably overreacting, now I think it was the right thing to do. Two cops arrived, took statements from all concerned, and the woman readily admitted what had happened. She was absolutely dumbfounded when she was arrested and her friends were outraged. They could not see that they had done anything wrong. One of the cops asked if it would be OK if a male diner stuck his hand down a waitress' pants, groped her and refused to remove it. The woman said no but that was totally different. They said things like: "We were just having a laugh" and "get over yourself". which really made me feel better . Anyway, the woman was later let off with a caution but she did have to spend Saturday night and all day Sunday in a cell. I got a letter of apology from her too.

The main thing this incident did for me was raise my conciousness to milder verbal forms of sexual harrassment which I had been guilty of myself and had accepted as part of the work culture. Fortunately this incident made me adopt a zero tolerence policy towards inappropriate behaviour in work, which has stopped some bad situations for other people before they got serious.

Carnivore said:

Anyway, the woman was later let off with a caution but she did have to spend Saturday night and all day Sunday in a cell. I got a letter of apology from her too.

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I am really glad you reported her to the police.

Even though it was just a caution, it stays on her criminal record, and she will have some explaining to do if she applies for a job that requires a criminal record disclosure.

Personally, I was just about to vote "I'm female and I've never been sexually assaulted" when I remember a local pedophile fondled my breasts when I was about 10 (I started developing rather early) under the pretense of helping me climb down a tree.

A definition might be appropriate.

In most states, as in ours, there are a variety of crimes and levels of those crimes.

We have, at the lowest level, "sexual abuse". Sexual abuse includes inappropriate touching, groping, and so forth. It is divided into first, second, third degree.

Then there is "sexual assault", again in degrees.

And finally rape, which must by legal definition involve penetration. Rape may be aggravated by use of a weapon, or if accompanied by physical battery, and so forth.

I agree with Bikewer. What counts as sexually assault?

I voted that I haven't been sexually assaulted, but I was sexually harassed by a fellow worker at an amusement park to the point that I had to go to management. It culminated with him slapping my ass; that incident was what made me go to management. It occured to me after that this could be considered assault although I only thought of it as harassment.

Male and not really sure how I should answer, I must have been about 10 or so when sleeping over a friends (about the same age) house and he began to get rather touchy feely with me. After repeated requests to stop he just kept at it. At the time I wasn’t that concerned and simply went to sleep somewhere else away from him. It was only later that I realized what his intent might have been and come to the conclusion that he had most likely been sexually assaulted at some point and was just acting out. I had a girlfriend once who expressed to me that in order for her to have or enjoy sex she felt she needed to effectively be raped, unfortunately I was not able to accommodate her in that regard (as she seemed to be requesting) and we drifted apart. Again after sometime I came to the realization that she too might have been sexually assaulted at some point. As the attempt on me was never completed and I did not perform what was apparently requested of me I’ll have to answer as male, never assaulted.

:hug:

Agree with the above poster.

I can honestly say, Skeptigirl, that if I was anywhere near the attempted sexual assaults made on you, the man that attempted to do it would be decked out onto the floor if I had half the chance.

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I have friends who are rape victims. I'm disgusted by the attitude towards rape among so many people (the trivializing, the joking, the blame-the-victim mindset) and I'd love to come across a rape once just so I could vent some of my anger.

And Carnivore reflects another problem of mine - that even to the most frothing, fanatical feminist, it seems sexual harassment is a problem only when done by guys, to girls. Guys harassing guys, no prob. Girls harassing guys, no prob. Girls harassing girls, no problem. It's disgusting.

Lonewulf said:

Outside of my vulnerability as a child, I fail to see how I can be sexually assaulted by a single female, outside of using various knock-out drugs. There seems to be a big difference between the capabilities of one assault vs. another, however. Not to mention other biological realities.

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You could easily be sexually assaulted by a single male or a well-armed female, not to mention groups of either sex or mixed groups. Biological realities are no obstacle to penetrating a male. There are plenty of alternatives to erect penises. I haven't got any statistics to hand but am pretty sure, from what I have read in the past, that men are most commonly raped by heterosexual men.

As a teen I had several women a few years ahead of me say they were going to rape me. Some of I ignored, others I let make good. I always felt in control even though some of them may have seen it differently. The pushiest people were the gay men that seem to be stuck with the wrong idea, no matter what I said, when I didn't freak out when I found out they were gay. Only one actually tried to physically grab my crotch several times and I guess that was technically an assault as I was quiet clear. He never was successful at actually getting his hands on me. After a couple of failed attempt and a lack of emotion in my response seemed to make him feel it was hopeless.

One gay guy I worked with would hang around behind me after he got off work and stare at my butt. This was actually kinda funny. Certainly not something I take offense to. This guy was also way more respectful of my personal space than most which made a big difference. He was also too puny to even consider being afraid of.

Outside of my vulnerability as a child, I fail to see how I can be sexually assaulted by a single female, outside of using various knock-out drugs.

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Easy to say now. It's easy to say you're going to wrestle free or scream or whatever, but if you're actually assaulted, it's often a whole other deal.

Yup. Just once, in U.S. Navy boot camp, essentially a prison-rape kind of deal that was quashed before the four A**holes could drag me off into the Drying Room and actually do it.

Two things prevented it:

1. I barely remembered, while one of the jerks from behind had a big hand clamped over my mouth, that the little finger is the weakest finger on the hand. And that if someone is foolish enough to put their hand over your mouth, or on your neck, and one of your hands is free? You simply grab that little finger and YANK! That maneuver allowed me to free my mouth so that I could...

2. ...Yell out to my bunk mate for assistance. He jumped out of his rack (bunk), confronted the 4 turd-brains and they fled. And the incident vanished away.

Good thing, too. If they'd have succeeded in nailing me? No telling where that could have led. I may have counterpunched (later, after some planning) in a rather violent manner, upon one or all of them...

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

Lonewulf said:

What the hell?

I guess I'm more awake now. Why did I say that?

What I feel I should have said:

It's good to hear that someone came to your aid; it really is. Yelling at the man was probably the best thing to do -- fisticuffs might just have escalated the situation anyways (although certainly would make him pay a higher price than simply having to burn some energy...). I'm also glad that you got away from him.

There's some real scum out in the world.

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The guy ran off as soon as the people came out of their house. There was no time for physical confrontation. Except earlier that is. My clothes were torn, I was uninjured.

Professor Yaffle said:

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

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Pretty sure that anything at that age would count, one way or another.

Professor Yaffle said:

Not quite sure how to answer given your definition that it should "clearly have been with the intent to force one to have sex". I was only 10 at the time and I really don't know what he would have tried to do if I hadn't started to make a lot of noise and made him reconsider whatever he was going to try to do.

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That would be a yes unless you are just talking about a bully episode which it doesn't sound like you are.

I am glad to see that the people writing here are able to do so--I know enough people who would never want to tell anybody, that I feel obliged to point out that even with an anonymous poll, it is possible for admins (perhaps mods too, I forget) to see who voted in which category.

I A) don't personally think it is at all something to be ashamed of, and B) trust the team here... but it's not my call to make.

skeptigirl said:

That would be a yes unless you are just talking about a bully episode which it doesn't sound like you are.

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Voted now. Definitely not just a bully incident.

Mercutio said:

I am glad to see that the people writing here are able to do so--I know enough people who would never want to tell anybody, that I feel obliged to point out that even with an anonymous poll, it is possible for admins (perhaps mods too, I forget) to see who voted in which category.

I A) don't personally think it is at all something to be ashamed of, and B) trust the team here... but it's not my call to make.

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I think the fact that I don't know anyone here in the flesh makes it easier to disclose.

Edges said:

I agree with Bikewer. What counts as sexually assault?

I voted that I haven't been sexually assaulted, but I was sexually harassed by a fellow worker at an amusement park to the point that I had to go to management. It culminated with him slapping my ass; that incident was what made me go to management. It occured to me after that this could be considered assault although I only thought of it as harassment.

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Well I was looking more for rape and attempted rape actually, but if the assault involved something like coercing a child, then the amount of violence involved would be relative, it would still be rape or attempted rape.

I'm not sure where to put the waiter incident. I think that is more harassment than assault since one would unlikely see that going any further than groping, but I can see different opinions on the event. I'm not saying it was OK or no big deal mind you. But the original question arose from a thread discussion of how many women lie about a rape vs tell the truth about a rape. The frequency of rape and attempted rape impacts the statistics of false positives vs true positives in an analysis of rape claims.

If there was a way for a test poll to work out these interpretation bugs it would be useful.

The Man said:

come to the conclusion that he had most likely been sexually assaulted at some point and was just acting out. ... Again after sometime I came to the realization that she too might have been sexually assaulted at some point.

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I had a bizarre situation where a man was interested in turning a very consensual situation into a rape. (I was in my mid-20s and this was a few weeks after we had met and had already slept together.) And no he wasn’t play acting either. Luckily it didn’t happen – I was very strong at the time plus my knee was in just the right position to do some damage. He was obviously a sick puppy but perhaps, like The Man’s friends, he had also been molested as a child -- or maybe he had just managed to turn into a sick puppy all on his own.

Not sure if this situation falls within the OP’s requirements. For example, if he had succeeded I probably wouldn’t have reported him because we had started off in a consensual situation. But it wouldn’t have changed the fact that he intended to change that situation and hurt me and that it would have been rape.

@ Carnivore – I agree with Tanja – I’m glad you called the police.

Should maybe put in a selection for those gray areas. On my end: Had an individual press his naked genitalia against me while I was pinned*. Did not actually attempt penetration (which I would not have been able to prevent at the time), so I can't quite call it attempted rape (I did not vote) but uh...

Not a pleasant experience, and I dare say it qualifies as pretty substantial harassment.

ETA: Should add that it was against an alarming anatomical area, which itself had become exposed in the struggle.

I'm a male and I said "no".

However, there is an obvious double standard when it comes to rape or sexual assault. If a woman gets raped or sexually assaulted by a man, it is never funny(unless you're a psycho), and is in fact thought to be a crime so horrible that it is almost like murder. However, if a man gets raped or sexually assaulted by a woman, many people find it funny, or at least not as serious as male on female rape. A lot of people, maybe even most, including myself can't help but laugh at female on male rape or sexual assault, even if the rape was violent(and it gets funnier if she's a "hottie"). Male on male rape can sometimes be funny, but I'm not sure about female on female rape.

I recently heard a disturbing story through my friends about some guy they know who got dead drunk and stoned at a party to the point he lost consciousness and so a girl took "advantage" of him. When he finally woke up, he could tell what happened and felt very violated, and yet we couldn't help but laugh at it. I think it is reasonable to conclude that most female on male rape(with a woman overpowering the man and using a large dildo or some other object for penetration) never gets reported to the police. This is due to embarrassment or they might think no one will believe them.

The reason for this double standard is obvious, since is it usually easier for men to overpower women than the other way around, men are "equipped" to rape "naturally", women tend to be on the "receiving" end of sex, forced or not(men tend to "do" something to women or whoever they penetrate, while women receive it), and men are more violent than women, on average. In other words, it is just so much easier for women to be victims of men than the other way around. This double standard may seem inherently "sexist" to some people though, since it assumes women are more vulnerable, and that men are more violent. I couldn't resist pointing it out though, and not just because I find it "funny", but because it would seem that in some cases of men getting raped, by males or females, it could be just as traumatic as violent male on female rape, and this double standard might trivialize it or make it look like a joke.

Just remember ladies, when a man says "NO", he means "NO"!

I voted "yes" although there was no attempt at penetration. While at summer camp a counselor coerced me into sleeping naked with him in a single sleeping bag and attempted to fondle me and to place my hand on his genitalia, but did not persist when I pulled away. I remember not sleeping too well that night, but did not even realize that I had been assaulted until several years later. As such, it doesn't seem to have psychologically affected me much. I do wonder what happened to the scumbag councilor, though. He had a different kid in his bag the night before.

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

skeptigirl said:

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

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OK, men are bad because we have a dick, is that your point?

could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man?

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Force something into his anus. Force him to put his penis into you. No clue.

And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

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Probably far more common than we realize, though very likely not close to as common.

Lesbian rape, now there's another taboo. According to She Stole my Voice, a documentary on the subject, 30% of lesbians report being sexually abused by another woman.

skeptigirl said:

Other than child molesting which is being counted as rape/assault in this thread, could someone please tell me how an adult woman rapes an adult man? And how common could that possibly be compared to the other way around?

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I am not sure I answered correctly given the above sentence. I was 28 at the time and the woman was 39. We had been together for a while, maybe a couple of weeks. There were alcohol and drugs involved. Twice, when I was asleep (passed out) I awoke to this woman having sex with me without my consent. The first time I lost me erection shortly after I woke up, the 2nd time I did not. I remember feeling used. But like Kaylee said, we had slept together prior to these events. What am going to do? Cry man-rape? And if I was still drunk or high when I woke up, I might have been all for it.


edit: And if you are inferring harm in the word "rape" instead of just forced sex, then I would change my vote because she defiantly did not mean me any harm.

godofpie said:

edit: And if you are inferring harm in the word "rape" instead of just forced sex, then I would change my vote because she defiantly did not mean me any harm.

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She said "assault", which is not necessarily "rape". But she seems to want to confuse the two in order to make men the only possible evildoers.

She starts the thread asking for examples of "sexual assault", which is very broad, and then asks for the very specific case of "adult women raping adult men".